December 16, 2010 | 12:03 pm

Children’s toys

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

Follow JewishJournal.com on

Public enemy #1

In this holiday season, we must be vigilant against all terrorist encroachments.  Especially when they come wrapped in pretty packages.

Yesterday Israel shot down a “suspicious” balloon. These are the worst kind—because they’re also the best kind.  What might be inside?  A bomb?  A camera?  Confetti?  We may never know—but we’ll be ready for what’s next.

Nutcrackers, I’m looking at you.  Especially if you’re riding on a horse.

A Trojan horse.

November 15, 2010 | 12:50 pm

Bargain Shopper of the Week: The Meadowlands

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

Big Blue goes green and saves green

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/11/15/bargain-shopper-of-the-week-the-meadowlands/

Maybe it’s my patriotism—or my hardwired Depression-era frugality—but I can’t stand leaving the lights on for no reason.  Which is why I applaud the New York football Giants.  Yesterday, in the midst of getting shellacked at home by a bunch of Texan criminals, they simply turned out the lights.

Sure, 80,000 fans were terrified and trapped in the dark—but how about taking one for the team?  No need to throw good electricity after bad.

0 Comments — Leave your comment

October 18, 2010 | 10:56 am

Oprah honing in

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/10/18/oprah-honing-in/

Last month, we chided the Queen of All Media for her continued insistence on dispatching audiences to the four corners of the earth—and warned her to stay clear of the promised land.

So what did she do?

The Oprah honed in on the holy of holy lands—the Daily Show studio audience.  And if that weren’t enough, she’s flying them to what was supposed to be Jon Stewart’s rally.  That’s right, once again, a black person has co-opted a Jewish movement with all her media money.

Can’t we all just get along?

0 Comments — Leave your comment

October 1, 2010 | 10:42 am

Kevin Bacon

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

Looks more like bacon Conan O'Brien, no?

Actually bacon Kevin Bacon.  Well, it was inevitable, wasn’t it?  If inevitable meant an offense against man and art.  Like my mother’s Long Island living room.

0 Comments — Leave your comment

September 24, 2010 | 10:25 am

Trayf of the Day: Bakon Vodka

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

Once and for all proving Mary's no virgin

Don’t let the less-than-creative creative spelling fool you, Bakon Vodka is really bacon vodka.

So far I don’t smell a conspiracy—I think Goys just drink.  But if this company releases Bakon Manischevitz, I’m calling the Anti-Defamation League.

0 Comments — Leave your comment

September 21, 2010 | 10:30 am

Possums

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

Look at that effing marsupial

Brooklyn is now overrun with scary miniature mutant kangaroos—which were deliberately introduced in order to control the rat population.  Mission not accomplished.

This is worse than when borough officials introduced hipsters in order to control the minority population.

0 Comments — Leave your comment

September 14, 2010 | 9:57 am

Oprah

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

Oprah is not going to Australia to hit on Nicole Kidman. Again.

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/09/14/oprah/

So, apparently Oprah told her rapturous followers yesterday that she was going to take them all to Australia.  Listen, Oprah, I know what you’re thinking—it’s the end of the era, time to take everyone to the desert holy land.

But when we did it, O, it was without an air-conditioned plane.  Don’t think you can compete.

0 Comments — Leave your comment

September 9, 2010 | 10:16 am

McDonald’s

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

No, I don't need a hug. I need an affordable McNugget.

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/09/09/mcdonalds/

The world’s leading slaughterer of bovine families and human waist-lines has nixed its dollar menu, hurting the homeless who depend on MickeyD’s for affordable food (that helps end their lives earlier).

Poor form, McDonald’s.

Let us all remember the wisdom of Reb Nachum, when Lazar Wolf gave the beggar only one kopeck on account of his downturn. “So, if you had a bad week, why should I suffer?”

0 Comments — Leave your comment

September 8, 2010 | 11:00 am

Rahm Emanuel

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

Have you ever danced with Rahm by the pale moonlight?

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/09/08/rahm-emanuel/

So the most powerful Jew in the White House since ever is thinking about ditching out so he can run for mayor of the most twisty, insular,  haplessly corrupt city in the nation?

If that’s not self-ghettoizing, I don’t know what is.

0 Comments — Leave your comment

September 6, 2010 | 1:36 pm

Job Opening of the Week: Midwestern Lawyer

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

She doesn't teach Saturday school

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/09/06/job-opening-of-the-week-midwestern-lawyer/

A Cincinnati Bengals cheerleader—who also happens to be a high school teacher—won an $11m default judgment against a defaming website…  only to realize she’d sued the wrong website.

For all you out of work Shysters, this has to provide some hope.  Clearly they’re lacking smart Jew lawyers in Ohio.  So get out there and sue for libel.  Just read up on the Blood Libel first.

0 Comments — Leave your comment

August 30, 2010 | 10:06 am

Archie Panjabi

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

All this kvelling and she's not even a doctor

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/08/30/archie-panjabi/

While accepting her Emmy, The Good Wife actress announced, “This is so good for my career.”  Ms. Panjabi, you might want to take it down a notch.  Trust us.

When the outsiders who are good at math not only get ahead but celebrate it—that’s when the pogroms start.

0 Comments — Leave your comment

August 27, 2010 | 10:06 am

The Yankees

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

I can't quite make out that pitch... no, it's a shitball.

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/08/27/the-yankees/

For years, everyone (outside of New York) has accused the Yankees of excess.  They buy players, networks, self-named steakhouses in their own stadium.  I’ve never been bothered by it… until now.

A new report indicates New York Governor David Paterson may be indicted for his role in attending a Yankees game.

Really, Yankees, really?  You gotta pile on the most inept governor New York’s had outside of a musical?  What’s next, spending $424 million on free agents and then going out and winning the world series?  Oh, right,  that was last year.

0 Comments — Leave your comment

August 24, 2010 | 10:36 am

DNA

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

Don't look at me all innocent

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/08/24/dna/

How could three little letters be so awesomely annoying?

After years of giving doctors something to know more about than the rest of us, now DNA is trying to claim Hitler was Jewish.

That’s right—annoying and anti-Semitic.  Shame on you, deoxyribonucleic acid.

0 Comments — Leave your comment

August 20, 2010 | 5:22 pm

Mexican bling

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

Why Mexican gangsters have such good pre-nups

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/08/20/mexican-bling/

Are we supposed to be impressed that the Mexican drug museum features outrageous bling like diamond-encrusted cellphones and the high fashion artillery displayed below?

Have you never been to the Hebrew Hammer museum?  This is just a pinky ring!

0 Comments — Leave your comment

August 16, 2010 | 10:30 am

Prop 8 Decision

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

The rainbow bulls-eye

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/08/16/prop-8-decision/

From my gay cousin Erich:

“Thanks, meddlesome lawyers.  The best part about being gay was that I had the perfect answer every time my mother asked why I wasn’t married.  Now I’m fair game.  Sometimes, it’s good not to be like everyone else.”

1 Comments — Leave your comment

August 11, 2010 | 10:48 am

Who’s Giving Us a Good Name This Week: Turks

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

Smash that glass up before you back your ass up...

In Turkey, a wedding ended disastrously when the groom fulfilled the traditional ritual of shooting a machine gun into the air—and killed his dad and two aunts.

Makes the whole breaking a glass thing seem pretty tame, eh?

0 Comments — Leave your comment