June 24, 2010 | 1:15 pm

Michael Jordan

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

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Lately I’ve found myself thinking things like: “What Holocaust?” and “Even if there were, I’m sure Hitler had his reasons.”

Now I think I know where this came from—subliminal advertising.

In the 80s, I wanted to “be like Mike”.  Now Mike wants to be like Adolf.

June 23, 2010 | 2:38 pm

CNN

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

This would be Shakespearean -- if Falstaff were a douche.

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/06/23/cnn/

So the penalty for sleeping with a hooker and generally being a sanctimonious schmuck is hosting a show on CNN?

Hey, CNN, I know you’re desperate and looking to replace Larry King, but this is just a little too on the nose.

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June 22, 2010 | 10:38 am

Supposed Bisexuals

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

One girly crush does not a lesbian identity make.

Just as one almost hit song does not a pop star make.

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/06/22/supposed-bisexuals/

So, Vanessa whatshername-shehadthatsong has come out as bisexual, riding the coattails of the True Blood blonde.  But as neither seem to be in relationships with women (and the latter is apparently engaged to her male co-star), it all looks like a plea for attention.

As I told my grandson Erich—I don’t care you’re a faygelah, but I don’t love you because you’re a faygelah.  I love you because you’re a doctor.

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June 21, 2010 | 11:28 am

Lady Gaga

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

Could have been worse. Could have been Liza.

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/06/21/lady-gaga/

I’ve been going to Yankees’ games since you could call a player Gaylord Perry and it wasn’t a political statement.  So why is it I’ve never been invited to the locker room—and this Gaga kid has?

Is it because she’s wearing an open Yankees jersey over her underwear?  Because I wear the same thing to every game and all I’ve gotten is arrested.

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June 18, 2010 | 11:46 am

Lakers fans

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/06/18/lakers-fans/

Over the years, much ink and internet chatter have been spilled on the topic: New York vs. Los Angeles.  We come not to revisit issues of public, public transit, and rights on red.

We offer but one thought on the matter—in New York, they know the difference between a parade and a pogrom.

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June 17, 2010 | 1:11 pm

Trayf of the Week: This Guy

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

I hear Herr Pope has the same one...

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/06/17/trayf-of-the-week-this-guy/

A cured pork tramp stamp in the shape of a cross?!  Clearly this guy was in the running for TotW.

But here’s what puts him over the top—it’s upside-down.

I have a strong suspicion he did this to himself.  Now that’s dedication to the trayf.

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June 15, 2010 | 11:05 am

NYT Trend: Arrested Development

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

Cloudy with a chance of shpilkes

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/06/15/nyt-trend-arrested-development/

Wait, so adulthood not starting at 21 is now considered a trend by The New York Times? 

That’s an insult to us Jewish mothers who have spent years ensuring that adulthood never starts for our children.

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June 14, 2010 | 1:44 pm

The Karate Kid reboot

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

Nothing like some good old Jew-jitsu

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/06/14/the-karate-kid-reboot/

So The Karate Kid is the number one movie in America—and features no karate.  It’s really the kung-fu kid.

Once you’ve crossed that bridge, why not actually reinvent the film with some ferocious Hebrew-style fighting. The Krav-Maga Kid—now that I would have paid a shekel or two to see.

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June 11, 2010 | 12:42 pm

World Cup

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

I went to every one of my kid's games. I suffered enough.

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/06/11/world-cup/

Everyone I work with seems to have caught World Cup fever.  They’re discussing soccer as if it’s a sport.

If soccer’s a sport, so is trying to shtup my wife.  They’re both relatively pointless, exhausting exercises that put the ball in the net so infrequently that it’s more fun to just walk around in the uniform and play solo.

I’ll be farkacht if I watch a minute of this meshugga game on tv.

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June 10, 2010 | 11:15 am

Madrid

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/06/10/madrid/

In an act of political protest, a Madrid gay pride march has banned Israelis.  What, with a Castillian accent, they can’t tell the difference between “flotilla” and “faygelah”?

You can’t really call ‘em “black hats,” can you?

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June 9, 2010 | 10:55 am

Helen Thomas Haters

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

Let's just hope she doesn't try for Rue McClanahan's sluttiness.

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/06/09/helen-thomas-haters/

We shouldn’t rush to judge Helen Thomas. 

If this were a sitcom, her wisecrackin’ anti-Semitism would be positively precious.  After all, now that the only Golden Girl left is the “dumb blonde,” we need someone to deliver Bea Arthur’s spice or Estelle Getty’s racism.

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June 7, 2010 | 1:22 pm

NYTimes on Gadgets

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

Hey -- look at Deb's kids -- they got her nose. Her real nose!

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/06/07/gadgets/

So in its effort to whine its way into competition with Andy Rooney, The New York Times is complaining about people being too hooked on gadgets to pay attention to their families.

Which is just how I like it.

Ever since I bought my mother an iPad, she’s been too busy looking at pictures of other people’s children to tell me how to raise mine.

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June 4, 2010 | 12:32 pm

Nanny Laws

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

Nannies with rights? Inconceivable!

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/06/04/nanny-laws/

Let’s say you look like what Woody Allen might call a homunculus.  But you’re kind of charming, stinking rich, and your wife somehow approved a live-in shiksa goddess to care for your meeskite children.  New York has just created a nightmare scenario for you.

You now have to give domestics 14 days notice—which means, if you shtup the nanny today, you’ve got to keep her around for two weeks to avoid a lawsuit on top of the blackmail.

Something tells me we’re going to see an increase in nanny murders.  I’m just saying…

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June 3, 2010 | 12:42 pm

James Cameron

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

Then again, those creatures were speaking backwards Hebrew

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/06/03/james-cameron/

Box office king James Cameron has been rebuffed in his attempts to help BP put an end to the increasingly tragicomic oil spill.  Cameron thought his experience helming Titanic, the Abyss, and deep-water IMAX docs would make him a natural for plugging the leak.

I’m glad we nipped his efforts in the bud.

Had they taken his counsel, I’m sure he would have next tried to advise Israel and Palestine based on his peaceful outcome on the planet Pandora.

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June 2, 2010 | 11:46 am

Trayf of the Week?: The BP Oil Spill

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

Leviticus 11:9. Look it up.

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/06/02/trayf-of-the-week-oil/

I try not to get involved in the environment.  I figure if a bunch of great minds—plus the maritally-challenged Al Gore—can’t solve it, they don’t need this Yid’s meddling.

But the oil spill in the gulf is out of control.  Literally.  I’ve heard people call it Biblical.  This got me thinking.  What if, through the oil and wreckage, shrimp begin to mutate and grow fins and scales?

You know how there are people who think the Holocaust was redeemed through the creation of the State of Israel?  Maybe this whole messy megillah can be redeemed through making shrimp Kosher!

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June 1, 2010 | 12:10 pm

The death of marriage

Posted by The Annoyed Jew

So believable at the time...

http://whatsannoyingjews.com/2010/06/01/the-death-of-marriage/

I’m not much of a fan of the Gores.  They crusade against things I love—litter and explicit lyrics—and do it in the most sanctimonious, soul-numbing fashion.  But at least they traveled as a unit and I could dismiss them as a pair. 

Now with their surprising split-up, they are going to be annoying me independently.

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