July 21, 2011 | 10:43 am

Two Jews on Film: ‘Captain America: The First Avenger’ Review

Posted Joan Schwartz (Video by Joan and John Schwartz)

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Chris Evans as Captain America

‘Captain America, The First Avenger’, directed by Joe Johnston (Wolfman) is the latest superhero to come out of the ‘Marvel’ stable.

The year is 1941…Hitler and his merry band of Nazis are storming through Europe.

One particular Nazi, Johann Schmidt aka Red Skull (Hugo Weaving) is in Norway searching for an ancient artifact known as Odin’s Tesseract…

This artifact is very, very powerful. We know this, because of the small print written on it… ...not meant for human eyes…Apparently, the Tesseract gives a person unlimited power. And who is the last person on Earth you’d want to have this power…Mr. Red Skull of course. He’s so evil that even Hitler wants him gone.

Anyway, Red Skull finds the Tesseract and I’m sure you can guess the rest.

Meanwhile, back in the USA, Steve Rogers (Chris Evans)a scrawny, asthmatic dude, with enough illnesses to keep his health insurance premiums at an all time high, wants nothing more than to join the Army and defend America against the evil doers. Unfortunately for Rogers, no matter how many times he tries to enlist, the Army keeps rejecting him. That is until…

Dr. Abraham Erskine (Stanley Tucci), a kindly German scientist, comes along. He sees something in Steve…an inner goodness. So with Erskine’s pull, Steve becomes a soldier in the United States Army. He also agrees to undergo an experimental procedure that the good doctor and inventor extraordinaire, Howard Stark (Dominic Cooper) came up with. If this experiment works, Steve will become a ‘Super Soldier’.

Story continues after the jump.

Quick note…Red Skull underwent the same procedure, but things didn’t turn out exactly right…Hint: Schmidt now has a big Red Skull and a face that would scare even his mother.

Luckily for Steve, the procedure turned out differently. Quicker than you can boil water or fry an egg, Rogers goes from being a puny, sickly fellow to having a body that Schwarzenegger, in his body building days, would envy…Plus he can beat up alot of people at the same time, jump really high and leap really far.

The Army considers him a ‘human weapon’ and one that is way too valuable to risk in combat. They decide to use Rogers as a celebrity to sell Bonds in order to raise money for the war. Backed by a chorus line of hot, sexy USO dancers, and dressed in a red, white and blue costume, Steve hits the road. He tours all over the United States and Captain America is a big hit. He’s loved by everyone. Alas, all this attention and fame, doesn’t make him a ‘happy boy’. Steve wants to fight. And what Steve wants, Steve gets.

When his tour takes him to Europe, Rogers finds out that his childhood friend, Bucky Barnes (Sebastian Stan) and his men have been captured by Red Skull and his soldiers known as Hydra. Steve disobeys the orders of his Commander in Chief, Col. Chester Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones) and winds up rescuing not only Bucky but several hundred captured soldiers. Captain America is finally a real hero…And this is just the beginning.

Steve and his men must now stop Red Skull before he uses the Tesseract to wipe out much of the Planet.

That’s alot for any man to handle…even a Super one. It’s a good thing, Steve has someone to flirt with. She’s the tough, no nonsence, beautiful British Agent, Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell). This being the 1940’s, poor Steve doesn’t even get to first base with Peggy.

‘Captain America’ is shot in 3D and it really didn’t have to be. The special effects aren’t that great and there’s something very simplistic about this film. Maybe you have to be a fan of the ‘Captain America’ comic books to appreciate the movie, but I think a film should stand on its own…and in my opinion, this one didn’t.

John and I actually came pretty close with our ‘bagel rating’. The film opens in theaters, Friday July 22, 2011.

July 14, 2011 | 12:36 am

Two Jews on Film: ‘Harry Potter and Deathy Hallows: Part II’ Review

Posted Joan Alperin Schwartz (Video by Joan and John Schwartz)

‘Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows-Part 2 is the final adventure in the ‘Harry Potter’ series. The film is directed brilliantly by David Yates and cleverly adapted for the screen by Steve Klos.

This is not only the last film in the franchise, but it is the best.

From the first shot…where we see Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes) holding his sword up to the darkened sky, followed by Severus Snape (Alan Rickman) staring out into the gloomy courtyard at Hogwarts, you know…you’re in for one great ride.

For those of you who haven’t read the books (if that’s even possible) here’s what’s happening…more or less.

The Dark Lord aka Voldemort, now has the Elder Wand (that’s the mother of all wands) and things are very very bad, for bascially anyone, that’s not an ‘evil doer’.

Voldemort and his Death Eaters (no, they’re not a heavy metal band) are about to take over the entire wizarding world. But luckily for the muggles, Harry (Daniel Ratcliffe), Ron (Rupert Grint) and Hermione (Emma Watson) are not going to let that happen.

They set out on a quest to find and destroy the remaining three horcruxes that contain pieces of Voldemort’s soul. Their journey takes them to cavernous deadly vaults, Gringotts Bank, to the halls of Hogwarts…Well basically to a lot of places…where the trio face danger, monsters, and really nasty people.

Voldemort and Harry are in the ultimate battle between good and evil. Every scene is filled with edge of your seat tension, great action, and of course, lots of magic…But in the end, it’s about the characters…Harry, his friends, his classmates and his beloved teachers.

Story continues after the jump.

Yes, there’s epic battles, but what stood out for me the most…is the story comes full circle. Questions are answered. We find out why Harry and Voldemort are connected to each other…and see characters in a new light…Severus Snape for one. Alan Rickman gives a beautiful, complex performance as Snape.

And Ralph Fiennes of course is absolutely amazing. Yes, he’s wearing a lot of makeup, but it’s his brilliant acting that makes Voldemort, absolutely terrifying.

Not to give too much a way, but the ending brought tears to my eyes. Okay, it doesn’t take much to bring tears to my eyes, but it was a beautiful ending…The film ends where it all began…more or less.

All the characters are back…Helena Bonham Carter (Bellatrix Lestrange) Robbie Coltrane (Rubeus Hagrid), Michael Gambon (Professor Dumbledore), Maggie Smith (Prof. Minerva McGonagall) and Julie Walters (Molly Weasley) just to name a few.

I gave ‘Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows - Part 2 five bagels out of five and John almost matched my score…after some arm twisting. The film opens in theaters Friday, July 15, 2011.

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July 7, 2011 | 10:38 am

Two Jews on Film: Horrible Bosses-Movie Review

Posted By Joan Alperin Schwartz

Video by Joan and John Schwartz

The main thing I want when I watch a comedy…is to laugh…alot….And that is exactly what happened when I saw, director Seth Gordon’s new film, ‘Horrible Bosses’. This is a very funny comedy.

Nick Hendricks (Jason Bateman) has been working 12 hour days at Comnidyne Industries and swallowing all the abuse his twisted, sadistic, control freak boss, Dave Harken (Kevin Spacey) throws at him. Nick even had to miss his Gam Gam’s funeral because Harken made him work. But Nick’s convinced it’s all worth it. Afterall, he’s next in line to become the Senior Vice President of Sales . Only it doesn’t happen. Dave decides to award the position to…himself. Now, Nick’s boss is not only the President, but also The Senior Veep.

Nick’s buddy, dental assistant, Dale Arbus (Charlie Day) spends every minute of his work-day fighting off the advances of his sex-crazed, nympho boss Dr. Julia Harris (the very funny Jennifer Anniston). Dr. Harris puts the X in X-rated. She’s always feeling everyone up…herself, her unconscious dental patients and especially…Dale. Harris is determined to have sex with Dale. It doesn’t bother her that Dale is engaged. And Dale can’t quit his job because…He happens to be a registered sex offender. One night, long ago, Dale had to pee…really badly…Unfortunately, he picked a local playground to relieve himself. Even though the park was empty, Dale got nailed and he’s now considered a Sexual Deviant.

Last but definitely not least is…Accountant, Kurt Buckman (Jason Sudeikis)...Kurt’s boss, Jack Pellit (Donald Sutherland has just died. The new owner of the Pellit Chemical Company is none other than Jack’s coke head, sex crazed, freak of a son…Bobby (the fantastic and unrecognizible Colin Farrell). All Bobby wants to do is bleed the Company dry. He plans on funnelling toxic waste into the ocean so he can save money. It doesn’t matter to Bobby that he’ll wind up poisioning thousands of people. If that’s not bad enough, Bobby orders Kurt to fire all the fat people and that handicap guy that rolls around in that strange, weird chair.

Three friends…Three ‘Horrible Bosses’...What to do? Well, it’s simple. Drive to the worst part of town, walk into a bar filled with African Americans and ask the bartender if he knows any…‘hit-men’. They don’t exactly get a hit man…What they do get is…Dean (‘MF’) Jones (Jamie Foxx) an ex-con and self described…Murder Consultant…who is nice enough to work on a ‘sliding scale’.

The three friends, with Dean’s help, come up with a plan straight out of Alfred Hitchock’s ‘Stranger On A Train’ and…absolutely nothing…goes as planned.

‘Horrible Bosses’ is an outrageous comedy with great characters, wonderful actors with brilliant comic timing and a story that everyone can relate to. The jokes all work and just like John and myself…(Two Jews On Film), I bet you will give this film…a very high bagel score.

‘Horrible Bosses’ opens in theaters, Friday, July 15, 2011.

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June 30, 2011 | 10:58 am

Two Jews on Film: ‘Transformers: Dark of the Moon’ review

Posted by Joan Schwartz

Video by Joan and John Schwartz

Transformers Dark Of The Moon’ presented in 3D is directed by Michael Bay.

First, I’ll start with the good stuff. And yes, there is ‘good stuff’. In fact, I think this is the best ‘Transformers’ of the series…which may or may not be saying much…depending on how you felt about the other two.

Here it goes…In no particular order…What I liked about this film…

1) The backstory…We find out from archival news footage that President Kennedy didn’t send our astronauts to the Moon just to take a few steps for Mankind, but to investigate an alien space ship that had crashed landed there in the 1960’s.

FYI…When the Autobots were losing their war with the Deceptiicons, Sentinal Prime (the Autobots leader) attempted to launch a space craft (The Arc) filled with technology that would have saved his people. Instead, the ship crashed on the Moon and the Autobots were forced to flee to Earth. Got all that?

2) The screenplay, written by Ehren Kruger, shows us how the Autobots were responsible for many world events…Guess who really tracked down and killed Osama Ben Laden? And who was really responsible for the Chernobyl meltdown? Could it have anything to do with experimenting on alien technology???

3) Love the Autobots…Bumblebee, Ratchet, Ironhide, Sideswipe and Optimus Prime are all back. The evil Deceptiicons…including the beaten down Megatron and the newest villian, Shockwave…very cool. The storyline of these two enemies, in my opinion, is the most exciting and entertaining part of this movie.

4) Frances McDormand as Charlotte Mearing, the no nonsense Defense Department Commander, and John Turturro (Former CIA Agent, Simmons) definitely belong in this column. Their bantering back and forth with each other is fun and definitely not annoying.

Now for the ‘bad stuff’

1)Shia LaBeof (Sam Witwicky)spends the whole film wearing one facial expression that conveys one emotion…Anger…How do we know he’s angry?...He whines…Constantly…Sam whines about not finding a job…Sam whines when he gets a job. He whines about not being able to play with his Transformer buddies and be a part of the ‘action’. Sam whines that he saved the world…twice…He whines that he got a medal from President Obama and still…no one realizes how important he is.

2)Sam’s pouty-lip girlfriend, Carly(supermodel Rosie Huntington-Whitley) who makes Megan Fox seem like Meryl Streep…Seriously…A guy like Sam could never get a girl as hot and as plastic as Carly. Not because of his looks…but because he constantly WHINES!!!

3)I don’t think Michael Bay has ever heard the saying ‘More Is Less’. The last 60 minutes of the film is the destruction of Chicago…The stunts, the action, the battles are great to watch…at first. But they go on and on and on. It all becomes one big mechanical blur. Maybe Mr. Bay thinks we, the audience, aren’t smart enough to get it the first time…or the second…or the third…or the…

The ‘Two Jews On Film’ have carried on their tradition of disagreeing. Check out our video review and Moon - Movie Review

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June 20, 2011 | 4:36 pm

Two Jews on Film: ‘The Green Lantern’ review

Posted John Schwartz and Joan Alperin-Schwartz

Joan and John give their critique and scoring for ‘The Green Lantern.’

How many bagels will it get?

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March 9, 2011 | 3:07 pm

TribeFest: Las Vegas 2011 - A VideoJew special report [VIDEO]

Posted by Jay Firestone

It’s been a while since this many Jews partied in the desert.  Last time it happened, I believe the earth opened up and swallowed them alive.

But TribeFest is a little different than golden calf worshipping, aside from the heavy dose of temptation…

Here’s a VideoJew special report on the convention this past week.

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December 23, 2010 | 12:51 pm

Morrie’s Discount Ho’s

Posted by Jay Firestone

Why go to a Jewish singles event when you can just call Morrie? 

He’s got a wide selection no other pimpowitz can offer. Plus, he’s open on Shabbas.  Apparently, he employs a shtar mechira ( a halachic loophole that, in this case, allows Morrie to technically sell his discount ho’s to a non-Jew (for one day only), thus allowing the business to stay open on Saturday, while not breaking the 4th commandment). 

But is his business kosh?

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October 30, 2010 | 3:21 pm

Rally to Restore Sanity: Los Angeles [VIDEO]

Posted by Jay Firestone

JewishJournal.com reports from the Rally to Restore Sanity: Los Angeles.

More coverage on the Rally to Restore Sanity:
Washington, D.C. - Sanity rally: Now that we are all friends, what do we do?
Los Angeles - SANITY RALLY: Los Angeles style

Video by VideoJew Jay Firestone and Jeffrey Hensiek.

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August 3, 2010 | 4:06 pm

Paul Rudd: The Ultimate Bar/Bat Mitzvah DJ [VIDEO]

Posted by Jay Firestone

Move over Dead Sea Scrolls, there’s a new lost artifact that’s hit the Jewish world.

Video footage of Paul Rudd in his most critically acclaimed performance yet…as a bar/bat mitzvah DJ circa 1992.

The Forward’s Gabrielle Birkner (and her “Cousin Freya”), writes about her experience in choosing Rudd to emcee her 1992 bat mitzvah.

The soft-spoken aspiring actor whom my mom and I met on the hunt for bat mitzvah DJs — I took an immediate liking to Rudd — turned out to be the perfect choice for the event. Rudd, donning a yellow tuxedo jacket, a ruffled shirt, shorts and Doc Martens, ably and energetically led us through all of the bat mitzvah staples: Candle-lighting, Coke & Pepsi, Toasts, limbo, “Hands Up,” Challah-cutting and “YMCA.” And as the “Today”  show-themed bat mitzvah party came to a close, he invited my friends onto the dance floor to sing a moving rendition of “That’s What Friends Are For.”

Paul Rudd: Bat Mitzvah DJ from Jewish Forward on Vimeo.

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August 2, 2010 | 12:45 pm

Amar’e visits Israel [VIDEO]

Posted by Jay Firestone

Last week, I was amazed to find out that hoops star Amar’e Stoudemire has Jewish roots and was planning to visit Israel (not on Birthright). 

Let’s see how his trip is going.

Is he going to celebrate Shabbat from now on?

“Absolutely,” says Stoudemire.

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July 19, 2010 | 3:27 pm

Tisha B’Av at the Western Wall

Posted by Jay Firestone

As part of a 10-day trip to Israel, earlier tonight I had the incredible opportunity to witness a Tisha B’Av observance at the Western Wall in Jerusalem. 

What better way to observe Tisha B’Av, remembering the destruction of the First and Second Temples, than to be at its last remaining walls?

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July 1, 2010 | 3:47 pm

Sarah Silverman: My kinda woman…

Posted by Jay Firestone

Last Friday night I had the pleasure of interviewing Sarah Silverman just before a book signing and Q&A with Sandra Tsing Loh at the Writers Guild Theatre (a Writers Bloc event).  Her new book,”The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption and Pee” is a collection of stories and tidbits from her life that help reveal some insight into the Sarah Silverman experience. 

Unfortunately I had to conduct myself in a professional manner and avoid any impulse to ask her to dinner to see what she’s doing for shabbas…it probably wasn’t meant to be, but in my mind Sarah Silverman is perfect.  She’s everything I like in a Jewish girl and mocks everything I hate.

I did NOT ask about Jimmy Kimmel or Matt Damon.

Here’s an excerpt from her book, which is available at Amazon here:

My Life Started by Exploding out of my Father’s Balls, and You Wonder Why I Work Blue

Like most children, I learned to swear from a parent. But most children learn to swear by mimicking moments when a parent loses self-control. That is typically followed by the parent stressing that such words are bad and shouldn’t be repeated outside the home. When I was three years old, I learned to swear from my father, but he taught me with every intention to do so. It was like he was teaching a “cursing as a second language” course for one.

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May 20, 2010 | 6:32 pm

Bob Saget to host benefit for Scleroderma Research Foundation, talks to Jewish Journal [VIDEO]

Posted by Jay Firestone

Last week, I learned a great deal…from Bob Saget.  Our arts and entertainment editor had suggested doing a video segment with the acclaimed actor/ comedian/ director/ writer, timed to the upcoming benefit supporting the Schleroderma Research Foundation [VIDEO BELOW]. 

We talked briefly about his days on Full House, (a show that taught me that growing up isn’t as important as family - or maybe it’s that family is more important than privacy…or that life’s lessons are just a family member away…or that being an uncle is awesome…pick one), guest spots on HBO’s Entourage, his noteworthy retelling of the legendary Aristocrats joke, and his narrating success on the show “How I Met Your Mother.”

But most of all, we talked about scleroderma, a disease that has had a profound impact on his family, since the death of his sister, Gay.  Sincer 2002 he has been on the Board of Directors for the Scleroderma Research Foundation. 

Here’s little background on schleroderma from SCRFund.org:

The word “scleroderma” is Greek for hard skin, the most visible characteristic of the disease. In fact, scleroderma is much more than this; chronic, complex and debilitating, it often affects the internal organs with life-threatening consequences. Depending on the subtype of illness, scleroderma can damage the lungs, kidneys and gastrointestinal tract with grave results. Peripheral vasculature damage due to scleroderma can result in loss of digits or limbs. In some cases, the joints and muscles are affected, resulting in a loss of mobility.

The event on May 25 aims to raise further funds for the foundation to both create increased awareness about scleroderma, and boost financial support for ongoing research.  The benefit will also feature the foods of celebrity chefs Susan Feniger and Mary Sue Milliken (television’s Too Hot Tamales); with appearances by Ray Romano, Sarah Silverman, B.J. Novak, Craig Ferguson, Bill Bellamy and Dana Delany, in addition to the Bill Bright Orchestra.  Click here for tickets.

And of course…hosted by Bob Saget.

Bob opens up to the JewishJournal.com here:

Find more videos like this on EveryJew.com

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May 14, 2010 | 10:53 am

How to make blintzes [VIDEO RECIPE]

Posted by Jay Firestone

Where have I been for the past few months????

The answer: making blintzes…

Check out VideoJew’s latest collaborate with our Editor-in-CHEF Rob Eshman.  His recipe is AMAZING!!!  Although I’m behind the scenes in this one, it’s still a VideoJew production…and Rob is a natural.  For the complete recipe, click here.

Find more videos like this on EveryJew.com

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March 25, 2010 | 12:30 pm

Bush wipes his hands on Clinton [VIDEO]

Posted by Jay Firestone

I think we’re all guilty of doing this at least once in our life.  But shouldn’t we show a little respect to the President?  Maybe W should consider adding a hanky to daily attire. 

And it’s also ironic that just as Bush wipes his hands clean on Clinton, Obama must wipe his hands clean of Bush.

Of course, if anything, this is just funny.

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March 5, 2010 | 10:54 am

Shabbat morning workout with Richard Simmons and so much more

Posted by Jay Firestone

I can do it.  I have the confidence I need to lose those extra pounds.  I’m such a whore.

That, and 500 other things said by Richard Simmons at Birthright Israel Next’s Saturday morning workout two weeks ago.

It was my first experience with the famed physical fitness expert, though quite possibly not the last.

But seriously, what an event!

I can honestly admit that I had no idea of what to expect. 

I arrived in modest attire: an American flag bandana, training shorts (not too short) and a t-shirt.  I didn’t want to appear too bland, but had to show a little flash – it’s Richard freaking Simmons after all.

The group of about 35 joined about 30-40 regulars for a “Sweatin’ to the Oldies” workout.  Seriously, all of the music was from the sixties.

“It’s My Party and I’ll Cry if I Want to”
“My Boyfirend’s Back”
“Locomotion”

We packed Richard’s facility in Beverly Hills, practically pouring into the street, waiting for the session to begin. 

Richard, dressed in short blue shorts and sequence tank-top, reading “Go to Health,” had been meditating prior to our arrival.  After few hollers from the infamous trainer, we entered the aerobics room and the music immediately blasted. 

I admit, I’m a bit out-of-shape and initially had trouble keeping up the extremely fast-paced music.  I also struggled with the fact that I was actually moving and clapping to sixties music, while at a Richard Simmons class. 

My friends from college would surely have a field day with this. (But, then I remembered that I have done less masculine things before, namely my repressed obsession with American Idol.).

After the musically-inspired warm-up, the group grabbed a bunch of five-pound weights and started the intense workout, as Richard emotionally abused our confidence in that humorous, yet non-threatening manner he’s known for.

When the workout ended, Richard gave a heart-warming speech to the group about how we’re all amazing people and can do anything we want. 

And just when I thought I had seen everything, he lead the group in Shabbat Kiddush and HaMotzi, a unique experience for everyone.

Here’s a few things I took home from that morning.

1) Always look Richard directly in the eye when you talk with him.  He’ll call you out if you don’t.
2) Don’t cheat during the workout.  Crunches mean crunches.
3) Every parody of Richard Simmons is rooted in truth.  This guy is such a character.
4) Richard Simmons is not Jewish, but can do a mean Kiddush.
5) At 61-years-old, this awesome nut hasn’t lost a single step.

After the workout, I went home and watched a Stephen Seagal movie to reaffirm my sense of male dominance.

My favorite parody of Richard: SNL’s “The Little Richard Simmons Show” with Eddie Murphy

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