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July 1, 2010 | 2:47 pm
Posted by Jay Firestone
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Last Friday night I had the pleasure of interviewing Sarah Silverman just before a book signing and Q&A with Sandra Tsing Loh at the Writers Guild Theatre (a Writers Bloc event). Her new book,”The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption and Pee” is a collection of stories and tidbits from her life that help reveal some insight into the Sarah Silverman experience.
Unfortunately I had to conduct myself in a professional manner and avoid any impulse to ask her to dinner to see what she’s doing for shabbas…it probably wasn’t meant to be, but in my mind Sarah Silverman is perfect. She’s everything I like in a Jewish girl and mocks everything I hate.
I did NOT ask about Jimmy Kimmel or Matt Damon.
Here’s an excerpt from her book, which is available at Amazon here:
My Life Started by Exploding out of my Father’s Balls, and You Wonder Why I Work Blue
Like most children, I learned to swear from a parent. But most children learn to swear by mimicking moments when a parent loses self-control. That is typically followed by the parent stressing that such words are bad and shouldn’t be repeated outside the home. When I was three years old, I learned to swear from my father, but he taught me with every intention to do so. It was like he was teaching a “cursing as a second language” course for one.
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This interview needs more cleavage. The words just sound like a bunch of mishegas.
TALMUD FOR METHODISTS
The Minister meets his friend, the Rabbi, and says to him “You have taught me many things but there is one thing in particular I want to learn very much but you do not wish to teach it to me. I want you to teach me the Talmud.”
The Rabbi replied: “You are a Non-Jew and you have the brain of a Non-Jew. There is no chance that you will succeed in understanding the Talmud.”
But the Minister continued in his attempt to persuade the Rabbi to teach him the Talmud.
Finally, the Rabbi agreed. The Rabbi then said to the Minister: “I agree to teach you the Talmud on condition that you answer one question.”
The Minister agreed and asked the Rabbi “What is the Question?”
The Rabbi then said to the Minister: “Two men fall down through the chimney. One comes out dirty and the other comes out clean. Who of those two goes to wash up.”
“Very Simple,” replied the Minister.
“The one who is dirty goes to wash up but the one who is clean does not go to wash up.”
The Rabbi then said to the Minister: “I told you that you will not succeed in understanding the Talmud. The exact opposite happened. The clean one looks at the dirty one and thinks that he is also dirty, goes to wash up. The dirty one, on the other hand, looks at the clean one and thinks that he is also clean and, therefore, does not go to wash up.”
The Minister then says to the Rabbi: “This I did not think of. Ask me, please, another question.”
The Rabbi then says to the Minister: “Two men fall down through the chimney. One comes out dirty and the other comes out clean. Who of these two goes to wash up?”
The Minister then says to the Rabbi: “Very simple. The clean one looks at the dirty one and thinks he is also dirty and goes to wash up. The dirty one, on the other hand, looks at the clean one and thinks that he is also clean and, therefore, does not go to wash up.”
The Rabbi then says to the Minister: “You are wrong again. I told you that you will not understand. The clean one looks into the mirror, sees that he is clean and, therefore, does not go to wash up. The dirty one looks into the mirror, sees that he is dirty and goes to wash up.”
The Minister complains to the Rabbi “But you did not tell me that there is a mirror there.”
The Rabbi then tells the Minister: “I told you. You are a Non-Jew, with your brain you will not succeed in understanding the Talmud. According to the Talmud, you have to think of all the possibilities.”
“Alright,” groaning, said the Minister to the Rabbi. “Let us try once more. Ask me one more question.”
For the last time, said the Rabbi to the Minister. “Two men fall through the chimney. One came out dirty and the other came out clean. Who of these two went to wash up?”
“That is very simple!” replied the Minister. “If there is no mirror there the clean one will look at the dirty one and will think that he is also dirty and will, therefore, go to wash up. The dirty one will look at the clean one and will think that he is also clean, and will, therefore, not go to wash up. If there is a mirror there, the clean one will look into the mirror and will, therefore, not go to wash up. The dirty one will look into the mirror and will see that he is dirty and will, therefore go to wash up.”
The Rabbi then says to the Minister: “I told that you will not succeed in understanding. You are a Non-Jew, you have a Non-Jewish Brain. Tell me, how is it possible for two men to fall through a chimney and for one to come out dirty and for the other to come out clean?”