As everyone in the free and enslaved world knows (except some benighted American colonials), Beckham is the world's best, or best publicized, soccer player, a multimillionaire and husband of Victoria, aka Posh Spice.
The bad news is that Beckham, shortly after joining the Los Angeles Galaxy on a zillion-dollar contract, sprained his right knee during a match against a Mexican team, and is probably out for at least six weeks of the season.
The good news, at least for readers of this fine publication, is that Beckham is -- JEWISH.
Well, if you want to quibble, he's half-Jewish, or maybe a quarter Jewish, but what with anti-Semitism rising at the rate of 2.755 percent in North Dakota, according to scientific surveys, we can use every muscular tribesman we can get.
After tireless investigations, The Journal has learned that Beckham's maternal grandfather, Joseph West, was Jewish, and that Sandra, West's daughter and Beckham's mother, is either Jewish or half-Jewish (in all the available literature, we found no mention of Mrs. West).
The point is that Sandra must have felt Jewish, for the idol himself has written that "I've probably had more contact with Judaism than any other religion" and "I used to wear a traditional Jewish skullcap."
He also recalls attending various Jewish weddings with his grandfather.
Need more proof? The richly tattooed Beckham has inscribed on his left arm a verse from the biblical Song of Songs, "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine," in Hebrew letters yet.
His wife was so taken by this romantic sentiment that she has had the same verse tattooed on the back of her neck and part of her spine.
Furthermore, there are reports that Beckham has dabbled in kabbalah studies, but then, who hasn't?
Purists might quibble that Beckham also has a large cross tattooed on his chest. But who, I ask you, is perfect?
To diligent researchers, all this startling information isn't exactly breaking news. Beckham wrote about his Jewish connection in his first biography "My World," published in 2004, and touched on the same theme in his second autobiography, "My Side."
Nevertheless, publishing this information now should be of some service to the Los Angeles Jewish community.
At this very moment, we should think, subcommittees at The Jewish Federation, the Wiesenthal Center, Anti-Defamation League, American Jewish Committee and American Jewish Congress are busy inscribing plaques for upcoming fundraisers, honoring the greatest One-Fourth Jewish Athlete of the Year.
-- Tom Tugend, Contributing Editor