August 15, 2012 | 4:53 pm

Review: “2 Days In New York”

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

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We first met the character Marion (Julie Delpy) in the film “2 Days In Paris” along with her real life boyfriend at the time, Adam Goldberg.

Now years later, Marion, a photographer about to have her first gallery show, is living happily ever after in New York City, with her boyfriend Mingus (Chris Rock) a journalist/on air radio personality and their respective children.

One day, out of the blue, Marion’s super jolly father, Albert (played by her real life dad, Albert Delpy), her oversexed sister, Rose (Alexia Landeau) and her pot smoking, obnoxious ex boyfriend, Manu, come for a visit.

To say that Marion and Mingus’s world is turned upside down by this eccentric family, would be an understatement.

But for Marion, the timing of the visit couldn’t be worse. Old wounds are opened up. The recent death of her mother plus Marion’s intense love-hate relationship with her super judgemental sister, Rose.

On top of that, Marion is nervous about her show, where she’s planning on aunctioning off her SOUL for $10,000. (It’s a statement) Oh she’s also being driven by loud pipes and her annoying neighbors, but hey, it’s New York, right?

And then there’s Mingus’. He’s having imaginary conversations with Obama, trying to be a good father to his kid and communicate with Marion’s french speaking dad.

Delpy co-wrote “2 Days in New York” with fellow actress Landeau and she directed the film as well.

This is a funny, quirky, touching comedy and it works on every level. I predict you’ll walk out of the theatre thinking…your family is not that much different from Delpy’s. There are times they make you scream, drive you crazy, even make you cry, but in the end, you never stop loving them.

“2 Days In New York’ opens in theatres Friday August 17, 2012 and definitely deserves the 3 1/2 bagels I gave it. John on the other hand, was less generous. Check out our video to see his thoughts and more of mine.

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August 7, 2012 | 9:55 pm

Review: “The Bourne Legacy”

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

So what happens when Matt Damon and director Paul Greengrass decide that they no longer want to be a part of the super successful franchise known as BOURNE?

Do the producers say fine and walk away from their billion dollar cash cow or find another way to keep it going? Silly question, right?

Which brings us to ‘The Bourne Legacy’ written and directed by Tony Gilroy (writer of the previous Bourne films)and starring Jeremy Renner, as the new super spy, that the evil CIA wants to kill. Sound familiar? Of course it does and that’s the problem.

You’ve seen this same plot before…many, many times, before.

When the film opens, we meet super soldier, Aaron Cross (Jeremey Renner) in the wilds of Alaska, completing a solo training mission. We know he’s a super soldier because he can swim in freezing cold water and punch out a big grey wolf with his bare hands. (Liam Neeson sure could have used his help in ‘The Grey’)

But before you start envying Cross’s super powers, you might want to know that in order for him to stay…super, he needs a daily dose of pills…One blue to keep his brain enhanced and one green to keep his biceps from deflating…And his supply of drugs is rapidly dwindling.

Too make matters worse… The CIA wants Aaron dead.

It seems their little secret program, Outcome, designed to create super soldiers has become infected by the arrival of Jason Bourne in New York City. The guy in charge of Outcome, Eric Byers (Edward Norton) decides that it’s best to kill everyone associated with this claudestine operation.

Personally I find that a little extreme. Anyway…

The CIA being the CIA has no trouble knocking off all of Outcome’s participants, except of course for Aaron and…

Dr. Marta Shearing (Rachel Weisz) a genetic scientist who worked on developing the drugs that turned these everyday dudes into SUPERMEN. One of my favorite scenes is when Dr. Marta gets a visit from some not so friendly peeps at her home.

Lastly, how could you have an action film without the male and female leads hooking up? No way!

So of course, Soldier meets doctor and together, we watch them evade the CIA, while at the same time, figuring out a way for Aaron to keep his super powers.

The film does have some exciting moments. There are plenty of car chases, fight scenes, gun battles and crazy stunts, involving leaping and jumping, but in the end ‘The Bourne Legacy’ lacks originality and except for the brief glimpse we get into Renner’s backstory, interesting character development.

Speaking of ‘the end’...The last 45 minutes of the film is filled with an extremely long motorcycle chase and an ending, that is flat and exists only to let the audience know…There will be a sequel.

I gave ‘The Bourne Legacy’ which opens in theatres, Friday August 10th 2012 only 2 bagels out of 5 and John’s score was even less than mine. Check out our video to see us toast our two year anniversary on YOUTUBE.

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August 2, 2012 | 4:58 pm

Review: “Total Recall” 2012

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

This is an action thriller about reality and memory. The film, directed by Len Wiseman (Underworld) is inspired by Philip K. Dick’s short story ‘We Can Remember It For You Wholesale’.

The time is the future…And it’s a very bleak one indeed. Most of the earth, thanks to war, is now uninhabitable. There’s only the United Federation of Britain, where the ‘haves’ live and the Colony where the ‘have-nots’ reside.

It’s here we meet factory worker, Douglas Quaid (Colin Farrell) who even though he has a very hot wife (Kate Beckinsale) whom he loves, the dude is very unhappy. He feels something is missing from his life and wow, is he ever right.

So one evening, unable to sleep, he takes a stroll around town and finds himself at RECALL, a company that can make any fantasy seem like it’s reality.

Apparently, Doug always wanted to be a super spy. Just as he’s about to be injected with a magic serum, that would make his dream come true, cops burst in with their guns blazing and to Doug’s surprise…he takes them all out.

Imagine that…From there, it’s all thrills and spills as Doug is hunted by a synthethic police force, controlled by the evil, Chancellor Cohaagen (Bryan Cranston)

Lucky for our hero, he has the help of rebel fighter (Jessica Biel) who not only looks great in jeans, can kick some serious butt, but who also works for the underground resistance led by Matthias (Bill Nighy).

The line between fantasy and reality gets blurred and the fate of the world hangs in the balance, as Quaid, tries to discover his true identity, his true love and his true fate.
Speaking of having a lot on your plate…

‘Total Recall’ is very different from the 1990 film starring the ‘Arnold’ and personally, I like this version much better.

The visuals are stunning and the action, even though at times, repetitive, is fun.

So if you’re in the market for an entertaining film, then go see ‘Total Recall’ which opens in theatres Friday, August 3, 2012.

I gave it 3 bagels out of 5…John, gave it a much lower rating. Check out our video to see us disagreeing, and let us know what you think about this film.

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Thanks everyone

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July 26, 2012 | 6:04 pm

Review: “The Watch”

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

This so called comedy, is about four guys, who have come together to ‘watch over’ their suburban neighborhood of Glenview Ohio.

In this serene safe haven lives Evan Troutwig (Ben Stiller) a dull, civic minded man who loves his wife Abby (Rosemarie Dewitt), his neighborhood and his mangerial job at Cosco.

Shortly after the film begins the Cosco night watchmen is murdered propelling Evan to form a neighborhood watch to find the culprit and make sure something like that never happens again.

Not everyone, however, shares Evan’s enthusiasm for justice…Only three guys show up at his house for the first meeting…

Franklin (Jonah Hill) who still lives with his mom and has a large collection of guns hidden under his bed…Bob (Vince Vaughn, a tough talking dad with an uncontrollable teenage daughter, and the recently divorced and extremely horny, Jamarcus (the funny but underused, Richard Ayoade)

To Evan’s dismay, these dudes are more interested in drinking beer and shooting the breeze than doing any serious ‘watching’.

However that all changes when…

One evening, while out on patrol, the boys’ vehicle hits something that leaves behind a trail of green goo and they wind up finding a strange bowling ball like device that emits a beam of energy capable of destroying…well…practically anything and everything in its path…

What could this be? our fearsome foursome ponder.

It’s not until our manly men find a large creepy looking tentacle that they finally realize…

THERE ARE ALIENS IN THEIR MIDST.

Funny right? Hmm…not SO much.

The film is filled with stupid sexist bits that we’ve all seen before, unfunny jokes and tired performances from Stiller and Vaughn.  Only Ayoade brings to his part a few moments of humor, but definitely not enough to make this movie written by Seth Rogan (along with Jason Stern and Evan Goldberg)  worth seeing.

‘The Watch’ directed by Akiva Schaffer opens in theatres, Friday July 27, 2012 and received a very low bagel score from both John and myself. Check out our funny video review for more of our thoughts on this film which is definitely a DVD rental.

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July 24, 2012 | 10:49 pm

Review: “Killer Joe”

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

‘Killer Joe’ written by the brilliant, Pulitzer Prize winning playwright, Tracy Letts (based on his play) and directed by the 70+ year old, William Friedkin (Exorcist) blew me away for many reasons…But the main one is…

Matthew McConaughey’s extraordinary Oscar worthy performance as cop/hitman, Killer Joe Cooper. Never has McConaughey been better or more terrifying.

The film is a black comedy…violent, sexual, raw, thrilling and yes…funny in a very dark twisted, sort of way.

The story revolves around a trailer trash dysfunctional family and the killer they hire, to knock off someone, that is definitely NOT near and dear to them.

Sharla Smith (Gina Gershon) a woman who enjoys parading her naked body around her stepson, Chris (Emile Hirsch) shares a trailer with her loser hubby, Ansel (Thomas Haden Church) and his daughter, Dottie (Juno Temple)

Chris borrowed a large sum of money from a group of nasty men and now, they want it back. Trouble is, Chris is broke and can’t pay them. But the dude has a plan…Kill his mother (Ansel’s ex-wife) and collect the insurance money.

Daddy Ansel thinks it’s a super idea and he’s more than willing to help his son execute the plan. Now that’s a good father.

Unfortunately, as creepy as our guys are, murder is not exactly their thing. So they hire a cop/hitman, Killer Joe Cooper to do the job for them.

Problem solved, right? Not quite. Killer Joe won’t do the hit unless he’s paid his fee of $10,000 upfront. Looks like the boys are back to square one and Chris’s days are numbered.

But miracles do happen, even for a low life like Chris. Seems Joe has taken a fancy to kid sister Dottie and he agrees to forgo his $10,000 fee for…one dinner date with the lovely girl. Chris says…no way, but Miss Dottie agrees.

Dinner starts out perfect, but then…well I don’t want to spoil the fun by giving anything a way. But I will tell you that what happens in ‘Killer Joe’ is definitely jaw dropping shocking, making this movie, one you’ll remember for a very long time.

This is also one of director William Friedkin’s best films in years…Which just goes to prove the saying…‘some things do get better with age’.

John and I both gave ‘Killer Joe’ which opens in theatres Friday July 27, 2010 4 1/2 bagles out of 5….John’s biggest bagel score in a really long time.

Check out of video for more of our thoughts.

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Let us know your thoughts on this NC17 RATED indie film.

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July 23, 2012 | 11:03 pm

Review: ‘Ruby Sparks’

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

Ruby Sparks’ directed by the ‘Little Miss Sunshine’ team of Jonthan Dayton and Valerie Faris was written by Zoe Kazan (Eli’s granddaughter) who also stars in it with her real life boyfriend, Paul Dano.

This is the story of a novelist, Calvin (Paul Dano) who had a mega bestsellar when he was 19, but for the last several years, he’s had major writer’s block.

Poor boy’s is worried that he may be a ‘one hit wonder’. He’s also concerned that his only friend is his dog, Scotty. But Calvin’s not completely alone…He does have his brother Harry (Chris Messina) and his therapist (Elliot Gould) listen to his problems.

Of course, Calvin’s solitary life may have to with the fact that he’s a control freak and Woody Allen neurotic.

But things are about to change for our guy, in ways that neither he or us could ever, imagine.

One night, Calvin dreams about an adorable red headed girl named Ruby Sparks (Zoe Kazan) He wakes up, heads straight to his typewriter, (no computer for him) and writes about this dream girl.

And to his shock, the girl becomes…real…So real in fact, that one morning, Calvin finds her eating breakfast at his kitchen table.

To say anymore would spoil the fun and ‘Ruby Sparks’ is really…fun. It’s also an original, super-entertaining, off-beat, touching, fantasy love story about…losing control, letting go and taking a chance.

The film has lovely performances by the two leads, as well as a great supporting cast, including Annette Benning as Calvin’s new age mom and Antonio Banderas, as her artistic husband.

‘Ruby Sparks’ which opens in theatres Wednesday, July 25th, 2012 is one of the few films that John and I actually agree on. We both gave it 4 bagels out of 5.

Check out our video to see more of our thoughts

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LOVE to hear what you think about ‘Ruby Sparks’.

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July 18, 2012 | 8:24 pm

Review: “The Dark Knight Rises”

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

Okay, the bottom line…‘The Dark Knight Rises’ directed by the uber talented Christopher Nolan, is not only the very best comic book hero movie ever made, but in my opinion, it’s worthy of an Oscar nod. That’s how good it is.

The film, which was written by Nolan and his brother, Jonathan, with story by David S. Goyer, picks up 8 years after the death of Gotham’s, D. A. Harvey Dent, as well as the demise of Bruce Wayne’/Batman’s (Christian Bale) soul mate, Rachel Dawes.

For those of you who may have forgotten, Dent is the dude who went psycho and became the super evil ‘Two Face’. Comissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman) convinced Batman to take the fall for Dent’s murder so he could implement extremely harsh anti crime laws.

And it worked. For the last 8 years, Gotham City has been crime free. Problem is…everyone thinks that Dent was a hero and Batman…a villain.

And speaking of the Batman…He’s been hiding out in his mansion, suffering from depression and an assortment of physical ailments. In other words, he is one messed up Super Hero.

But soon everything is about to change for Batman and for Gotham.

To quote Selma Kyle, aka Catwoman (Anne Hathaway) as she dances with Bruce at a charity ball, thrown by wealthy philanthropist, Miranda Tate (Oscar winner Marion Cotillard),,,‘There’s a storm coming, Mr. Wayne’.

And that’s putting it midly. The storm comes in the form of a man known as Bane (Tom Hardy) Bane is a former member of The League Of Shadows. He’s big, bad, brutal and extremely lacking in the looks department…In fact, the dude looks like an alien, thanks to a leather tubular mask that covers most of his face.

Oh and I should mention that Bane sounds a lot like, Darth Vader.

Terrorist Bane has two goals…Destroy Gotham City and crush Batman…

To say this guy has major anger issues is putting it mildly. You really can’t blame him too much. He spent his formative years in a dark pit and had most of his face has been destroyed.. But hey, no one’s childhood is perfect.

What I really loved about ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ besides the spectacular set pieces (74 minutes of the film was shot with the big Imax camera)) the story hooks you on a deep emotional level, lifting it above your typical ‘comic book super hero’ movie.

Batman/Bruce Wayne is tormented. His heart is broken and he’s lost his direction in life. Even his loyal butler Alfred (Michael Caine) begs him to…get out of the house and start living again.

And eventually Bruce/Batman does just that….

The supporting cast, including Joseph Gordon Levitt as policeman John Black, who knows Batman’s true identiy and Morgan Freedman, as inventor Lucius Fox are all wonderful

Anne Hathaway, besides looking great in a cat suit, brings just the right amount of humor to her part.

The stunts, the vehicles, the action are just what you expect them to be and more. Plus there are a couple of surprises you won’t see coming.

I gave ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ which opens in theatres Friday July 20, 2012, 5 bagels out of 5 (my highest rated film of 2012) Please check out our video to find out what John thought and his bagel rating.

Love to hear what you think about ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ and please subscribe to our Youtube channel and like us on our Two Jews On Film facebook page.

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July 7, 2012 | 1:05 pm

Review ‘Savages’

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

Savages’ directed by the always unpredictable Oliver Stone, has something for everyone…Well almost everyone…Beautiful Califronia beaches, great scenery, beheadings, intense brutal over the top violence, hot sex, three way sex, and…

Some of the best pot grown in the United States and her borders.

‘Savages’ is based on the best selling novel by Don Winslow. He, along with Shane Salerno and Oliver Stone wrote this electrifying script.

Ben (Aaron Johnson) is a peace loving Buddist. He likes to spend his spare time helping the children in undeveloped countries. His BFF is quite the opposite to say the least. His name is Chon (Taylor Kitsch) and he is an angry, ex-combat soldier ready to kick ass at a moment’s notice.

These two guys are not only friends, but they are business partners.

The business…Pot…Thanks to the seeds Chon brought back from Afghanistan, they have become extremely successful. Their weed has the highest HGH level in the country.

The guys live in a beautiful house overlooking Laguan Beach along with their shared lover, friend and fellow helper, named ‘O’ (Blake Lively). She loves and makes love to both of them….And there are no complaints from anyone.

In fact, life couldn’t be better for our threesome…Until…

The Mexican Cartel, run by a vicious, drug Queen known as Elena, played by Selma Hayek, in one of her best performances in a very long time decides to join them in their lucrative weed business.

The guys aren’t interested, but unfortunately, Elena can be plenty persuasive when she wants to be…Of course, having a sadistic right hand man, Lado (Benecio Del Toro) makes it quite easy for her to get what she wants.

Lado enjoys cigars, the love of several good women and…chopping off heads. Hey, no one’s perfect

In ‘Savages’ Stone does what Stone does best - He gives us non-stop, over the top, edge of your seat, violence, with a big dash of sexuality and sex.

Yes, the film is gory, with two different endings, but it takes you into a world that most people would prefer not to look at, but just like seeing a car collision, we can’t help but peek.

I must mention that John Travolta gives an extremely entertaining performance as a crooked DEA agent whose wife is dying of cancer..

‘Savages’ which opens in theatres Friday July 6, 2012 received 4 bagels out of 5 from me and John came pretty close in his bagel rating as well. Check out our video for more of our thoughts.

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