July 18, 2012 | 8:24 pm

Review: “The Dark Knight Rises”

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

Follow JewishJournal.com on

Okay, the bottom line…‘The Dark Knight Rises’ directed by the uber talented Christopher Nolan, is not only the very best comic book hero movie ever made, but in my opinion, it’s worthy of an Oscar nod. That’s how good it is.

The film, which was written by Nolan and his brother, Jonathan, with story by David S. Goyer, picks up 8 years after the death of Gotham’s, D. A. Harvey Dent, as well as the demise of Bruce Wayne’/Batman’s (Christian Bale) soul mate, Rachel Dawes.

For those of you who may have forgotten, Dent is the dude who went psycho and became the super evil ‘Two Face’. Comissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman) convinced Batman to take the fall for Dent’s murder so he could implement extremely harsh anti crime laws.

And it worked. For the last 8 years, Gotham City has been crime free. Problem is…everyone thinks that Dent was a hero and Batman…a villain.

And speaking of the Batman…He’s been hiding out in his mansion, suffering from depression and an assortment of physical ailments. In other words, he is one messed up Super Hero.

But soon everything is about to change for Batman and for Gotham.

To quote Selma Kyle, aka Catwoman (Anne Hathaway) as she dances with Bruce at a charity ball, thrown by wealthy philanthropist, Miranda Tate (Oscar winner Marion Cotillard),,,‘There’s a storm coming, Mr. Wayne’.

And that’s putting it midly. The storm comes in the form of a man known as Bane (Tom Hardy) Bane is a former member of The League Of Shadows. He’s big, bad, brutal and extremely lacking in the looks department…In fact, the dude looks like an alien, thanks to a leather tubular mask that covers most of his face.

Oh and I should mention that Bane sounds a lot like, Darth Vader.

Terrorist Bane has two goals…Destroy Gotham City and crush Batman…

To say this guy has major anger issues is putting it mildly. You really can’t blame him too much. He spent his formative years in a dark pit and had most of his face has been destroyed.. But hey, no one’s childhood is perfect.

What I really loved about ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ besides the spectacular set pieces (74 minutes of the film was shot with the big Imax camera)) the story hooks you on a deep emotional level, lifting it above your typical ‘comic book super hero’ movie.

Batman/Bruce Wayne is tormented. His heart is broken and he’s lost his direction in life. Even his loyal butler Alfred (Michael Caine) begs him to…get out of the house and start living again.

And eventually Bruce/Batman does just that….

The supporting cast, including Joseph Gordon Levitt as policeman John Black, who knows Batman’s true identiy and Morgan Freedman, as inventor Lucius Fox are all wonderful

Anne Hathaway, besides looking great in a cat suit, brings just the right amount of humor to her part.

The stunts, the vehicles, the action are just what you expect them to be and more. Plus there are a couple of surprises you won’t see coming.

I gave ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ which opens in theatres Friday July 20, 2012, 5 bagels out of 5 (my highest rated film of 2012) Please check out our video to find out what John thought and his bagel rating.

Love to hear what you think about ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ and please subscribe to our Youtube channel and like us on our Two Jews On Film facebook page.

July 7, 2012 | 1:05 pm

Review ‘Savages’

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

Savages’ directed by the always unpredictable Oliver Stone, has something for everyone…Well almost everyone…Beautiful Califronia beaches, great scenery, beheadings, intense brutal over the top violence, hot sex, three way sex, and…

Some of the best pot grown in the United States and her borders.

‘Savages’ is based on the best selling novel by Don Winslow. He, along with Shane Salerno and Oliver Stone wrote this electrifying script.

Ben (Aaron Johnson) is a peace loving Buddist. He likes to spend his spare time helping the children in undeveloped countries. His BFF is quite the opposite to say the least. His name is Chon (Taylor Kitsch) and he is an angry, ex-combat soldier ready to kick ass at a moment’s notice.

These two guys are not only friends, but they are business partners.

The business…Pot…Thanks to the seeds Chon brought back from Afghanistan, they have become extremely successful. Their weed has the highest HGH level in the country.

The guys live in a beautiful house overlooking Laguan Beach along with their shared lover, friend and fellow helper, named ‘O’ (Blake Lively). She loves and makes love to both of them….And there are no complaints from anyone.

In fact, life couldn’t be better for our threesome…Until…

The Mexican Cartel, run by a vicious, drug Queen known as Elena, played by Selma Hayek, in one of her best performances in a very long time decides to join them in their lucrative weed business.

The guys aren’t interested, but unfortunately, Elena can be plenty persuasive when she wants to be…Of course, having a sadistic right hand man, Lado (Benecio Del Toro) makes it quite easy for her to get what she wants.

Lado enjoys cigars, the love of several good women and…chopping off heads. Hey, no one’s perfect

In ‘Savages’ Stone does what Stone does best - He gives us non-stop, over the top, edge of your seat, violence, with a big dash of sexuality and sex.

Yes, the film is gory, with two different endings, but it takes you into a world that most people would prefer not to look at, but just like seeing a car collision, we can’t help but peek.

I must mention that John Travolta gives an extremely entertaining performance as a crooked DEA agent whose wife is dying of cancer..

‘Savages’ which opens in theatres Friday July 6, 2012 received 4 bagels out of 5 from me and John came pretty close in his bagel rating as well. Check out our video for more of our thoughts.

Please subscribe to our Youtube channel and like us on our Two Jews On Film Facebook page. Thanks everyone.

 

0 Comments — Leave your comment

June 27, 2012 | 7:04 pm

Review: ‘The Amazing Spider-Man’

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

‘The Amazing Spider-Man, shot in 3D and directed by Mark Webb (500 Days Of Summer) is an edgy, emotional, action-packed, at times, boring movie.  Yes I did use the ‘b’ word.

In this version, which is definitely in my opinion, an improvement over all the preceding ‘Spider-Man films, we meet Peter Parker (Max Charles) as a young boy.

His father (Campbell Scott), a renowned scientist and his mother, fearing that they’re in danger, leave their young son in the care of his Uncle Ben (Martin Sheen) and Aunt May (Sally Field).

We flash forward years later where Peter (Andrew Garfield) is now a skateboarder/science nerd/photographer filled with major teenage angst.  He’s an outcast in school and is constantly getting picked on by the jocks.  His only friend is the gorgeous Gwen (Emma Stone), so you can’t feel too sorry for the guy.

But Peter’s life is about to change…Just in case there’s still a few of you unfamiliar with Parker’s story…He finds one of his dad’s old research papers, which sends him to the lab of Dr. Curt Connors (Rhys Ifans), Parker Sr’s former partner. Connors has been trying for years to find a way to grow body parts, performing some really weird experiments that could prove hazardous to humans.  You can’t really blame him since, the dude has only one and a half arms.

At the lab, Peter gets bitten by a genetically altered spider and well, the rest is history.

Watching Peter getting use to his powers is actually one of the more entertaining aspects of the film…That is, until he meets his nemesis…Not wanting to spoil anything, I’ll just call him…A VERY BIG ANGRY GREEN LIZARD MAN…

Unfortunately, the action doesn’t come until the last 40 minutes of the film and watching Peter’s awkwardness with Gwen, becomes grating after a while.

But having said that, if you are a fan of this genre, ‘The Amazing Spider-Man’ is definitely a ‘must see’ for you.

The special effects are great and I liked Andrew Garfield quite a lot as the high-flying/jumping/crime fighting/flawed super hero.

It’s for that reason I gave ‘The Amazing Spider-Man’ which opens in theatres, Tuesday, July 3rd, 2012…4 bagels out of 5.

Check out our video for John’s rating and more of our bantering.  Oh, and to meet Noodle, our Diva Japanese Chin..

 

2 Comments — Leave your comment

June 26, 2012 | 6:12 pm

Review: ‘Ted’

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

I love talking animals and I have to admit, I own quite a few.  Granted they’re stuffed with a vocabulary of not more than 10 words…which definitely doesn’t even come close to the vocabulary of ‘Teddy’, the foul mouth, boozing, pot smoking, oversexed bear.

Teddy, is one of the stars of Seth McFarland’s new film…‘Ted’.  McFarland, for those of you who aren’t into animated tv shows, is the creator of ‘Family Guy’ and ‘The Cleveland Show’

And just like these edgy sitcoms, ‘Ted’ is hysterically funny, outrageous and wonderfully politically incorrect.

When the film opens, we meet John, a lonely, awkard 8 year old, who is given a teddy bear for Xmas.  Before he goes to sleep,  John makes a wish for Teddy to be alive so he can have a real friend for life.

Come morning, Teddy is not only alive, but he walks, talk, eats and becomes an overnight star…Even making an appearance on the Johnny Carson show.

Well, we all know what happens to childhood stars (think Cory Feldman).  They grow up and fade away and that’s exactly what happens to Teddy.

Flash forward 20 years.  John (Mark Wahlberg) is 35 and still lives with Teddy.  They spend their time smoking pot, drinking and watching reruns of their favorite t.v. show ‘Flash Gordon’.

John works in a rental car company while Teddy lounges around the house getting wasted.  He couldn’t be happier…

Unfortunately, for him…things are soon about to change…

Lori (Mila Kunis) John’s super gorgeous, super sweet girlfriend has reached her boiling point.  She wants John to grow up and get serious about their relationship….which means…

John is going to have to make a choice…Lori or Teddy.

This leads to a series of events that involve a kidnapping, a concert, a break-up and a great deal of LOL moments.

‘Ted’ which has a great supporting cast, including…Giovanni Ribisi, Alden Minchi, Jennifer Barth, Sam T. Jones (Flash Gordon) Norah Jones and a surprising cameo by Ryan Reynolds is one of the most entertaining, original comedies I’ve seen this year.

It’s a must see and that’s why I gave this film, which opens Friday, June 29th, 2012…  4 bagels out of 5…   

Check out our video to see our surprise guest (Hint: Ted’s new girlfriend) and John’s surprising ‘bagel’ score.

1 Comments — Leave your comment

June 21, 2012 | 9:51 pm

Review: ‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter’

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

Most of the time, when you see a film, after you’ve read the book, you feel let down. The movie usually pales in comparison to the novel.

I am happy to report this isn’t the case with ‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter’ .

The film, shot in 3D and directed by Timur Bekmambetov (I’ve never heard of him either) is entertaining, exciting, clever and total fun.

We meet Abe Lincoln as a boy…a happy carefree boy, until one dark and stormy night, his mother is bitten by a vampire and dies. Years later, the same fate takes his dad.

Lincoln is pissed…All he wants his vengence…Translation: To kill every single vampire on planet earth…give or take one or two.

Now this proves problematic, since vampires are stronger, and faster than us humans…Plus they can fly, as well as disappear, which makes them really, really difficult to destroy.

But that doesn’t stop our young Abe. He practices and practices and eventually it pays off. Let’s just say, this is one dude that knows what to do with an ax.

We follow him into adulthood. Abe gets a job as a clerk in a General Store and then one day…

He meets a mysterious man, named Henry Sturges (Dominic Cooper) Henry hates vampires as much as Lincoln does and agrees to train him. Soon, Abe becomes…one kick-ass vampire hunter.

Because of his hatred of slavery, Lincoln gets into politics to abolish it and in case one or two of you weren’t paying attention in history class…becomes the 16th President of the U.S.

Lincoln also falls in love and marries the beautiful Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) and for a while, gives up hunting. You can’t blame him, running a country does take up a lot of ones time.

Of course, due to various circumstances, Abe’s need for vengence come back stronger than ever. And this time, he has the whole Northern army behind him.

‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter’ was written by Seth Grahame-Smith, who also wrote the novel. The film has the feel of a comic book/graphic novel…with Lincoln as a Super-Hero.

By the way, these vampires are nothing like the hot, sexy dudes in ‘True Blood’ or ‘The Vampire Dairies’. These bloodsuckers have long, sharp, pointy teeth and when they opened their big mouths, I jumped out of my seat more than once.

I gave ‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter’, which opens in theatres, Friday June 22, 2012, 4 bagels out of 5 because I thoroughly enjoyed this twist on history.

Check out our video to see John’s rating and his throughts…The guy actually liked it.

1 Comments — Leave your comment

June 20, 2012 | 2:00 pm

Review: ‘To Rome With Love’

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

Last year, one of my top 3 favorite films was Woody Allen’s ‘Midnight In Paris’...an exquisite homage to the magical city of lights.

Now, I’m happy to report, Woody has done it again with ‘To Rome With Love’.

He’s written and directed a quirky, satirical, funny, and beautiful film about the people who visit, live, work, fall in love and get lost in this enchanting, eternal city.

We meet famed architect, John (Alex Baldwin) who lived in Rome in his youth, and is now vacationing there.
Walking the streets of Rome, he meets a young architect student, Jack (Jessie Eisenberg) a young man, not unlike himself. As he watches Jack fall heard over heels for Monica (Ellen Page) his girlfriend, Sally’s (Greta Gerwig) dazzling, narcissistic actress friend, John relives one of his most romantically painful episodes of his own life.

Then there’s Hayley (Alison Pill) who introduces her dad Jerry (Woody Allen) a kvetching, retired Opera director and her psychiatrist mom, Phyllis (Judy Davis) to her Italian fiancee, Michaelangelo (Flavio Parenti) and his family…

When Jerry hears her father, Giancarlo (renowned tenor Fabio Armiliato) an undertaker, sing arias in the shower. Jerry clutches at the opportunity to promote Giancarlo and rejuvenate his own career.

There’s also a comic, biting, insightful story about, the price of fame, when Leopoldo (Roberto Benigni) becomes famous for…absolutely nothing.

And lastly, we meet Antonio (Alessandro Tiberi) and his new wife Milly (Alessandra Mastronardi) who have come to Rome so he can take an upscale big city job with his wealthy uncle’s law firm.

Through a series of very funny events, Antonio winds up passing off high class hooker (Penelope Cruz) as his wife and Milly gets to be romanced by a legendary movie star, Luca Salta (Antonio Albanese)

All of these people, before the film ends, will have their lives changed forever and you will leave the theatre smiling. I know I did and for that reason, I gave ‘To Rome With Love’ which opens in theatres Friday, June 22, 2012 4 1/2 bagels out of 5.

 

0 Comments — Leave your comment

June 19, 2012 | 12:07 am

Review: ‘Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World’

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

First, the perks about knowing that planet Earth will no longer exist in 21 days…

At the office, every day is now casual Friday…You can have mindless sex without worrying about disease or incest and…when asked, ‘What are you doing the rest of your life’, you can respond in one sentence or less.

That’s right folks, it’s another ‘end of days’ movie…There were several of them in 2011 as you know.  Hope someone isn’t trying to tell us something…

In this new, farewell to Mother earth film, Matilda, a 70 mile asteroid, is headed toward our planet and we have just three weeks to do…whatever the hell we want to do…before it’s all over.

Of course, for Dodge (Steve Carell) an insurance salesman, who’s spent his whole life playing it safe, that means…having some ‘me’ time, trying to fire his cleaning lady and thinking about all the women that got away…including his wife…who just left him.

His neighbor, Penny on the other hand, a spontaneous, extroverted, free spirit seems to be spending her last weeks on earth, fighting with her boyfriend (Adam Brody) and crying over not being able to join her family in England..

‘Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World’, written and directed by Lorene Scafaria (‘Nick & Nora’s Infinite Playlist’) is a funny, disturbing and touching film, about ordinary people dealing with…an extraordinary situation….

Dodge expects to spend the next three weeks alone in his apartment, but then two very unexpected things happen…

He winds up rescuing a dog and Penny knocks on his door with a lost letter…A letter that could alter Dodge’s future: It’s from his high-school sweetheart, Olivia, the love of his life.

When a riot breaks out around their apartment building, Dodge realizes that he must seek Olivia out before it’s too late, while Penny makes the decision to somehow return home across the seas.

Dodge promises to help Penny, (seems he knows a guy with a plane)if she’ll take him in her car to see Olivia.  She agrees and off they go…Yes the dog is with them.

On the road, this odd ball couple go on a journey…a physical as well as an emotional one.

They share their personal history with each other…visit old friends…and spend time with people who all have their own unique way of handling this once in a lifetime event. 

‘Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World’ is about the importance of human connection…How we can handle anything, if we have someone special to share it with…Even the end of the world.

I loved this film and gave it 4 bagels out of 5. I thought about it long after I left the theatre and you will too.

Check out our video to meet our four legged star, Mango, hear John’s thoughts, more of mine and to find out his bagel rating.

‘Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World’ opens in theatres, Friday June 22, 2012.

0 Comments — Leave your comment

June 15, 2012 | 6:10 pm

‘Rock Of Ages’ Review

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

Sometimes, a good actor can make a bad movie worth watching. Sometimes a bad actor, can make a bad film…Really unwatchable.

That is definitely the case with ‘Rock Of Ages’ directed by Adam Shankman (Hairspray).

Julianne Hough is a great dancer, but when it comes to acting and singing, not very good. The chick is bland and just plain boring…And…

Unfortunately, so is her co-star…Diego Boneta. Granted he has a good voice, but he doesn’t come across much better in the charisma department.

Of course, they’re not the only problem with this film. ‘Rock Of Ages’ written by Justin Therous, Chris D’Arienzo and Allan Loeb is based on D’Arienzo’s Broadway musical of the same name.

This type of musical falls into the category of a ‘Juke Box Musical’...It’s all about the music…The dialogue, the plot, the struture…falls to the wayside.

Okay, here are the clift notes…

Boy, Drew (Diego) meets girl, Sherrie (Julianne)...They’ve come to the bright lights of the Sunset Strip to make it big in the music biz…And before you can say…‘We Built This City On Rock And Roll’...the two of them, fall in love.

You know they are in love, because every 5 seconds, they sing about it, while Julianne’s hair blows in the wind.

Okay, now all this is taking place at The Burbon Room, owned by Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand. It’s here that musicians go to get discovered and hot chicks go…to party and nail, whoever.

Catherine Zeta Jones and her hubby the Mayor, Bryan Cranston want to shut the club down because…they sing about it.

Moving along…After looking into each other’s eyes and breaking into song for the first 80 minutes…Drew mistakenly thinks Sherri and burnt out rock and roll super star Stacee Jaxx (Tom Cruise) have had sex.

By the way Mr. Cruise kills in the part. Plus he has a four range octave and sings his ass off…One of his best performances in a long time.

Okay, so our couple breaks up…Sherri gets work as a stripper. where for some reason. Mary J. Blige hangs out…

Drew takes the advice of his sleezy manager, Paul Giamatti, gives up Rock and roll to become a white rapper in a Boy Band…

What happens next? Well believe me, I doubt at this point, you’ll even care. All I wanted was everyone to stop singing.

My recommendation: if you’re into music from the 80’s, skip ‘Rock Of Ages’ which opens Friday, June 15, 2012 and instead, download the songs from I tunes.

Check out our funny video to hear me sing and to see John’s bagel rating.

0 Comments — Leave your comment