May 13, 2013 | 8:06 pm

Review: ‘Star Trek Into Darkness’

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

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The boys are back...Capt. Kirk (Chris Pine), Spock (Zachary Quinto), Scotty (Simon Pegg), Chekov (Anton Yelchin), Bones (Karl Urban), Sulu (John Cho) and Uhura (Zoe Saldana)

The film opens with the USS Enterprise on a observation mission to Planet Nibiru...When they arrive at the planet, the crew finds a volcano on the verge of erupting and wiping out its primitive inhabitants.  In the process of launching a dangerous mission to halt the eruption, Spock's life is jeopardized, forcing Kirk to break the 'Prime Directive' and reveal the Enterpise to the inhabitants...

Bad move:  Not only is Spock pissed off at his BFF, Admiral Pike (Bruce Greenwood) relieves Kirk of his command and he takes over the Enterprise.

Not a good week for our Captain.

But wait...Things are about to get worse.  Starfleet agent John Harrison aka Khan (Benedict Cumberbatch) bombs a secret Section 31' installation in London. 

An emergency meeting of high ranking officers is called at Starfleet headquarters, which Kirk attends.  The meeting is attacked by a gunship piloted by Harrison, who winds up slaughtering most of the attendees, including Pike.

Of course Kirk is reinstated and Admiral Marcus (Peter Weller) orders him to hunt down Harrison, who is now hiding out in the land of the Klingons, and kill him. This becomes problematic since Starfleet and the Klingon Empire are at war.  Remember those days?  

To say anymore would spoil the surprises and there are a couple...Unfortunately, even though I enjoyed the relationships between the crew members, especially the love connection of Spock and Uhura, I didn't find the plot all that original.

The film, directed by J.J. Abrams is very glitzy. Shot in 3D/IMAX, it's  beautiful to look at.  But for me the plot wasn't very original and it lacked the complexities and intensity of some of the other films in the Franchise.  Personally, the 'Borg' films are my favorites.. 

It's for that reason I gave 'Star Trek Into Darkness' which opens in theatres, Thursday May 16, 2013 three bagels out of five.

Check out our video to see John's bagel score and of course for more of our witty banter.

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Let us know what you think about this film.  Thanks everyone.

April 30, 2013 | 9:18 pm

Review: ‘Iron Man 3’

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

Mr. Iron Man neeeds a xanax...He gets panic attacks...How cool is that?

Our super hero has major angst and that's what makes him so lovable and so very human.  That, and of course, Robert Downey Jr., who once again brings the brilliant, brash, billionaire, inventor, Tony Stark aka Iron Man to life on the big screen and he absolutely KILLS it...

What makes 'Iron Man 3' so unique is that it's not only the culmination of the first two films, but it's also a follow-up to 'Marvel's The Avengers'...Making it a sequel to two different movies.

In ''The Avengers', Stark faced a world-changing event, that not only included seeing the powers of other superheroes, but also, having a portal to another world opened above his head...And to put it mildly...

The dude is extremely freaked out by these events.  In fact, the mere mention of New York City sends him into a panic...We're talking heart palpations, cold sweats and dizziness.  It's hard being a super hero with those symptoms.  Luckily Stark hasn't lost his sense of humor.
Of course, he doesn't sleep...spends most of his nights tinkering with his Iron Men suits, even though his girlfriend Pepper (Gwyneth Paltrow) is keeping his bed warm.

It's more than obvious that Tony is hiding behind his toys...It's where he feels safe and in control. 

But that very quickly changes, when our heroe's  personal world is destroyed by an enemy whose reach knows no bounds and forces Stark, to embark on a harrowing quest to find those responsible.

With his back against the wall, Stark is left to survive by his own devices, relying on his ingenuity and instincts to protect those closest to him.

 As he fights his way back, Tony discovers the answer to the question that has secretly haunted him: Does the man make the suit or does the suit make the man?

To say anymore would spoil the fun and believe me, 'Iron Man 3' directed by Shane Black, is so much FUN.   Black wrote the film with Drew Pearce ('Sherlock Holmes 3')
and the dialogue is pitch perfect.

As is the rest of the cast including...bad guys, Guy Pearce (Aldrich Killian) and Ben Kingsley (The Mandarin)...Good guys...Don Cheadle (Col. James Rhodey Rhodes, Tony's BBF) and Jon Favreau (Happy Hogan)and Rebecca Hall as brainy/beautiful scientist, Maya Hansen.

'Iron Man 3' is a funny, exciting, thrilling movie, that definitely won't disappoint fans or anyone else for that matter. 

I gave the film, which opens in theatres Friday May 3, 2013, the highest bagel score possible...5 out of 5 and guess what folks?...John was right up there with me with his bagel score...well almost!

Check out our video to see what he thought and of course, for more of our witty banter.

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Love to know what you think.  Thanks everyone.

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April 25, 2013 | 2:46 pm

Review: ‘Pain & Gain’

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

I am so not a Michael Bay fan.  I find everything he does to be way over the top.  Bay doesn't seem to trust his story or the characters and his latest film, 'Pain And Gain' is no exception.

'Pain And Gain' is the true story of Miami's Sun Gym gang, which was made up of three super violent, super inept, body builders, who decide the best way to get rich quick, is to kidnap millionaires and milk them out of their fortune.  Now why haven't I thought of that?

It's the 90's and the three muscle bound jerks are Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg), Born again Jesus, coke freak, Paul Doyle (Dwayne Johnson aka The Rock) and the not so bright, Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie).  

In flashbacks we meet Lugo who after being released from prison for committing a white collar crime, gets a job as a personal trainer at Sun Gym in Miami. 

He believes however, that he is destined for far greater things.

One day, Lugo attends a seminar, led by inspirational speaker, Johnny Wu (Ken Jeong) and his life is changed forever.  Lugo is determined to become a a 'doer'...(a term coined by Wu)

Now what is Lugo's idea of being a 'doer'?  For one thing, it doesn't involve training rich people at the gym.  It does involve, kidnapping them.

He enlists Doyle and Doorbal in his scheme and their first target is Lugo's client, self made millionaire Victor Kershaw.  The plan...kidnap Kershaw and get him to sign over all his property, bank accounts, etc.

After several failed attempts at snatching Kershaw, these bubbling idots finally succeed. This leads to lots of torture scenes, over the top violence, and excessive close-ups.  The characters, who start out funny, except for Kershaw,  quickly become caricatures.

 The film, billed as an action comedy, has the action, but not so much the funny and it doesn't take long for Michael Bay's B movie style of directing, to wear thin.

Rounding out the cast is Ed Harris, as a retired cop who comes onboard to investigate Kershaw's claim of being kidnapped, after the police refuse to believe him and the extremely funny, Rebel Wilson as Mackie's wife. 

'Pain And Gain' written by  Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeeling is based on a series of magazine articles penned by Pete Collins, which appeared in the Miami New Times in late 1999.

The film opens in theatres, Friday April 26th, 2013.

I gave it 2 1/2 bagels out of 5.  Check out our video for John's rating and more of our bantering.

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Let us know what you think of 'Pain And Gain' if you decide to see it.  Thanks everyone.

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April 16, 2013 | 6:22 pm

Review: ‘Oblivion’

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

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March 19, 2013 | 5:45 pm

Review: ‘Olympus Has Fallen’

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

As I was watching this film, I kept thinking about 'Die Hard'.

Even though 'Die Hard' was set in a hotel and 'Olympus Has Fallen' is set in the White House, the two films have a great deal in common...Terrorists take hostages...They make outrageous demands and only one man can stop them.

In the former, we have Bruce Willis as our hero...the man who can do what no other human on earth can do...In 'Olympus Has Fallen' directed by Antoine Fuqua ('Training Day') we have Gerard Butler or Bruce Willis light.

Of course that's just my opinion...I just don't find Butler's acting all that interesting...Although he was fun to watch in the film '300' but I think that had more to do with his body than his acting ability.

In 'Olympus Has Fallen' Butler plays Mike Banning, a former presidential Secret Service agent.  Mike had guarded the President and his son until an incident made him persona non gratia at the White House.

He now has a boring job at the Treasury Department and longs to return to the Presidential detail.  He's about to get his wish.

A group of Northern Korean extremists, led by super evil, Kang (Rick Hune) takes over the White House aka Olympus and captures President Benjamin Asher (Aaron Eckhart) and his staff.

As an intense battle rages on the White House lawn, Banning must find his way into the besieged building to rescue the President, save Asher's young son...and stop these crazy Koreans from causing WW3.

Sounds like a fun ride huh? Yes and no...On the plus side, the premise is very interesting and makes you think...Is it possible for a small group of terriorists to take over the White House?  According to director Fuqua, it is.

The film is very well researched and the replica of the White House is perfect...

Unfortunately after awhile, the film becomes one big shooting fest...Bodies start piling up, while Speaker of the House, now Acting President, Allan Trumball (Morgan Freeman), Secret Service Director Lynne Jacobs (Angela Bassett) and General Edward Clegg (Robert Forster) sit around yelling at each other, trying to decide what to do about this little problem.

But they need not worry, because super hero extraordinaire, is about to do what hundreds of police, military, air force pilots, could not do...TAKE THESE BAD GUYS DOWN.

And that's the story folks...Familiar?  Definitely...Exciting? Some of the time...Predicitable...100 percent.

The supporting cast including Melissa Leo as Defense Secretary Ruth McMillan is fine, and she can really take a punch.

Ashley Judd makes a brief appearance as the President's wife, Radha Mitchell is Butler's better half, Cole Hauser and Dylan McDermott are SS agents.

I gave 'Olympus Has Fallen' which opens Friday, March 22nd, 2012 a very generous 3 bagels out of 5.  John wasn't as generous.

Check out our video for more of our thoughts and let us know what you think.

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Thanks everyone.

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March 14, 2013 | 10:47 am

Review: ‘The Incredible Burt Wonderstone’

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

I love magic. When I watch a good magician, I feel the wonderment of a five year old.

Too bad I didn't feel that way while watching 'The Incredible Burt Wonderstone', directed by Don Scardino and written by Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley ('Horrible Bosses').

Unfortunately, the story is one you've seen many times before...Superstar is an egomaniac.  Treats everyone like dirt.  Then overnight, he loses everything...His best friend/partner, his money, his career and hits bottom.  It's here that he develops humility and learns what's really important in life.

The superstar in this movie is Burt Wonderstone (Steve Carell) magician/performer extraordinaire.  His magic partner is his childhood BFF, Anton Marvelton (Steve Buscemi).  The pair have been headliners at Bally's Las Vegas for the last ten years...But the casino owner, Doug Munny (James Gandolfini) thinks their act has grown stale and wants them to come up with something new.

That's not their only problem.  There's a new magician in town and he's getting a great deal of attention.  His name is Steve Gray aka The Brain Rapist (Jim Carrey).  Gray has a successful cable show and his in your face, gritty, violent, physical feats appeals to the younger crowd.

Carrey, by the way, is the best thing in the film.

When Wonderstone and Marvelton perform a stunt to prove they still have what it takes to be Number 1, it goes horribly wrong and it's the beginning of the end for Burt.

First, Marvelton, tired of being abused by Wonderstone, leaves the act.  Burt tries to make it on his own, but fails miserably.

Not only does Wonderstone gets fired but he discovers that he's broke. Yep our guy has hit bottom and now, he has no choice but to start over.

Lucky for Burt, he has Alan Arkin on his side.  Arkin plays Rance Holloway, a quintessential 1960's magician, who's is the reason Wonderstone fell in love with magic as a young boy.

Oh, and I musn't forget the girl....There's always a girl and in this movie, her name is Jane (Oliva Wilde) and she's Wonderstone's assistant/love interest/ aspiring magician.

To be fair, I did laugh, but not enough for me to say this is a 'must-see' comedy...  Although the ending is quite clever and good for several loud chuckles.

As for Steve Carell, I found his performance too much of a charicature...I did enjoy  Buscemi and Alan Arkin a lot as well as Jay Mohr as Rick the Implausible.

I gave 'The Incredible Burt Wonderstone', which opens Friday March 15, 2012,  2 1/2 bagels out of 5.  Check out our video for John's magic trick and his bagel rating.

Please SUBSCRIBE to our youtube channel and LIKE us on our Two Jews On Film facebook page.  Thanks everyone...and let us know what you think.

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March 7, 2013 | 4:43 pm

Review: ‘Oz The Great And Powerful’

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

'We're off to see the Wizard...The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz'...except...

In Sam Raimi's 'Oz The Great And Powerful' he's not exactly wonderful or a wizard.

In fact, he' Oscar Diggs (James Franco) a 3rd rate circus magician/con artist, who escapes from Kansas in a hot air balloon, only to land in the beautiful, magical Land of Oz. 

There, Oscar meets the beautiful witch Theodora (Mila Kunis) and her older sister, Evanora, (Rachel Weisz) who rules over the Emerald City.

When the sisters mistake Oscar for the wizard, who the prophecies foretold, would one day come and save Oz,  he thinks he's struck gold.

Well actually he has.  Seems Oz is filled with gold...a lot of gold, enough to make Oscar a billionaire several times over.

Of course nothing is simple for our con man...It doesn't take long for the sisters to become suspicious of him.

Now, in order to to claim the riches of Oz, Oscar must figure out how to save the inhabitants from the dark forces waiting to take hold of them and their beloved city. 

Lucky for him, Oscar has the help of Glinda, aka The Good Witch (Michelle Williams) who winds up showing him just what kind of man he really is. 

'Oz The Great And Powerful' written by Mitchell Kapner,and David Lindsay-Abaire, imagines the origins of the beloved wizard character first brought to life in author L. Frank Baum's book 'The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz.

Shot in 3d, the film also introduces new characters as well, including...an adorable porcelain child called China Girl (voice by Joey King) and Finley (voice by Zach Braf ) a winged monkey who accompanies Oscar on his journey through Oz; serving as his sounding board and conscience. 

I really enjoyed 'Oz The Great And Powerful' which opens in theatres Friday March 8, 2012 and for that reason gave it 4 bagels out of 5.  I thought it was fun and a wonderful family picture.

Check out our video to for John's thoughts and his bagel score. Also love to know whom you agree with.

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February 27, 2013 | 8:06 pm

Review: ‘Jack The Giant Slayer’

Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz

For those of you, who managed to get through childhood, without hearing the story of Jack, a farm boy, who sold his horse for some magical beans, don't worry...director Bryan Singer has recreated the story, with some added touches, in his new 3D IMAX film, entitled 'Jack the Giant Slayer'. 

Once upon a time, a race of giants were exiled from the earth to a land far, far, in fact, really far away, known as Gantua.  Seems these big guys were more into ravishing the earth, instead of living peacefully with us humans.

Anyway it's been over a thousand years since man and giants occupied the same space, but soon, that's about to change when...

Jack (Nicholas Hoult) a farmboy unwittingly opens a gateway between our world and the giants, when a monk gives him some magical beans, in exchange for his horse.

The one instruction the monk gives Jack is...'Do not let the beans get wet'.

So guess what happens next? Yep, one of the beans winds up in a pool of water and before you can say 'a tree grows in Brooklyn,' a beanstalk shoots up...and up...and up...leading straight to the Giants' homeland.

Of course there's more.  What would a fairy tale be without a Princess in distress?

In this case, the Princess is Isabelle (Eleanor Tomlinson) who's being forced to marry her King Daddy's (the always excellent Ian McShane) right hand man, Roderick (the ever so sleazy, Stanley Tucci).

 No matter how hard Isabelle tries to convince her father that Sir R isn't her soul mate, the King won't budge.He thinks Roderick is a prince among men and the best match for his daughter.

Boy is King Daddy in for a surprise.  But not just yet.

Seems the Princess, when the Princess isn't arguing with her father about her impending nuptials, likes to sneak out of the Palace and walk among the masses.

Well, one dark and stormy knight, during one of these outings, Isabelle gets lost, comes upon Jack's farm and before she knows what hits her, she gets swooped up by the beanstalk and winds up in Gantua, aka home of the big guys.

Lucky for Isabelle, she has a band of soldiers, led by Ewan McGregor, as well as Jack (who by now has a mad crush on her) willing to climb the outrageously tall beanstalk and come to her rescue. 

'Jack The Giant Slayer' written by Christopher McQuarrie ('The Usual Suspects')  Dan Studney and Darren Lemke ('Shrek Forever After') is a great film for the whole family.  And that's exactly what it is...a family film.

It's basically a straight ahead story...Giants want to eat humans and take over the Earth.  There are no female giants, so parents don't have to worry about sex and the violence is the usual type you find in cartoons.

There's also a good amount of humor and the two young leads are charming. 

Bill Nighy as General Fallon, the ferocious two-headed leader of the Giant army, is alone worth the price of admission.

I gave 'Jack The Giant Slayer' which opens in theatres Friday March 1st, four bagels out of five.  Check out our video to see what John thought and for more of our witty banter.

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Thanks everyone

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