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February 21, 2013 | 6:41 pm 
Review: ‘Snitch’
Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz
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'Snitch' directed by Ric Roman Waugh is an action film with barely any 'action'. At that's the least of its problems.
The main one: It's lead...The Rock aka Dwayne Johnson. I know your films have made quite a lot of money at the box office, but you are one 'wooden' actor. You had one facial expression throughout the film and delivered your dialogue monotonically. Not good at all.
Johnson can get away with it in comedy, but definitely not in a dramatic piece which this film is.
He plays a businessman, John Matthews who owns a successful trucking company, Matthews is married, has a young child and all seems right in his world. That is until...
His estranged 18 year old son, Jason (Raft Gavron) from his first marriage gets busted for receiving a package filled with MDMA. Jason is going to receive a mandatory minimum 19 year sentence in federal prison.
MORAL: Don't be dumb enough to let your drug dealing BFF talk you into receiving illegal drugs in the mail.
Anyway after Jason turns down an offer from politically ambitious U.S. Attorney, Joanne Keeghan (Susan Sarandon) to reduce his sentence by manufacturing evidence against someone else, John begs Keeghan to let him go undercover instead and pose as a guy wanting to buy coke. .
Keeghan agrees. Now all John has to do is find an ex con with connection to drug dealers. Lucky for him, he has one working for him...A man named Daniel Cruz. And lucky for us, Cruz is played by Jon Bernthal who brings an authenticity to the part, something Johnson does not. .
Okay so John and Cruz hook up with coke dealer, Malik (the excellent Michael Kenneth) and do a trial run...All goes well, so John catches the eyes and ears of the head of the drug cartel, Juan Carlos (Benjamin Bratt) Now our guy is ready for the 'big, big time'.
As I mentioned, If you're waiting for some heavy duty action, it doesn't come...Not until the last 15 minutes of the film. And trust me, it is not worth the wait.
Rounding out the cast is Barry Pepper, as undercover cop, Billy Cooper, Melina Kanakaredes as Sylvia, John's first wife.
'Snitch' written by Waugh along with Justin Haythe opens in theatres Friday February 22.
The film received one of my lowest bagel scores...1 1/2. Check out our video for John's score and of course, for more of us.
Please SUBSCRIBE to our youtube channel and LIKE us on our Two Jews On Film facebook page. Thanks everyone.
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February 13, 2013 | 7:21 pm
Review: ‘A Good Day To Die Hard’
Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz
A Good Day to Die Hard (2013)Bruce Willis reprises his ioconic role as police detective John McClane in 'A Good Day To Die Hard' directed by John Moore ('Max Payne') and written by Skip Woods ('A Team') and Jason Keller.
McClane this time around, finds himself in Moscow. Seems his estranged son, Jack (Jai Courtney) has been arrested for murder. McClane isn't at all surprise. He believes Jack is a total screw-up.
In truth (and this isn't a SPOILER) Jack is a CIA operative trying to protect a government whistleblower, Komarov (Sebastian Koch) from being killed.
Anyway, before father and son can hook up, they're involved in an over the top car case through the streets of Moscow that lasts around ten minutes (It felt like ten hours)
After that's over, the two men, spend some time yelling at each other, followed by a few moments of male bonding, as they try to protect Komarov Russian bad guys. And there's lots of bad guys.
There's also lots of shoot outs, vicious fights, a little torture and more car chases.
Get the picture...
I really wanted to love this film or at least be entertained, but unfortunately neither one of those things happened.
'A Good Day To Die Hard' has what you'd expect from an action film...It has action. What it doesn't have, is a good script and well defined characters.
Bruce Willis is always fun to watch, but even he couldn't save this film from being nothing more than two hours of non stop, excessive violence, with a twist you could see coming a mile away.
It's for those reasons I gave 'A Good Day To Die Hard' 21/2 bagels out of 5.
The film opens on Valentines Day, Thursday February 14, 2012. If you're planning on having a romantic evening, this is definitely NOT the movie to see.
Check out our video to find out John's score and for more of our witty banter.
Please SUBSCRIBE to us on youtube and LIKE us on our Two Jews On Film facebook page.
Let us know what you think of 'A Good Day To Die Hard'. Thanks everyone.
February 8, 2013 | 10:40 am
Review: ‘Side Effects’
Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz
Side Effects (2013)When we meet Emily (Rooney Mara) she is picking up her husband, Martin (Channing Tatum) from prison. He was sentenced to four years for inside trading.
Once living the high life, the couple are now reduced to sharing a small apartment in a not so very fashionable New York City neighborhood.
Martin takes this all in stride. He believes that one day soon, he'll be back on top.
Emily, on the other hand, is not doing too good. That's especially obvious when she drives her car into a brick wall and winds up in the hospital.
After her failed suicide attempt, psychiatrist, Jonathan Banks (Jude Law) is called in to consult on Emily's case. Desperate not to be hospitalized, Emily agrees to a regimen of therapy and antidepressants.
When the first set of pills don't work, Banks prescribes a new medication that quiets her demons. Unfortunately, the side effects of the drug has chilling consequences for Emily, her husband and even for...Banks.
Side Effects, directed by Oscar winner Steven Soderbergh (Traffic, Erin Brockovich, Sex, Lies and Videotape) and written by Scott Z. Barnes (Contagion, The Bourne Ultimatum) is what I'd call a provocative thriller filled with suspense and and twists and turns that you won't see coming.
You really have to pay close attention to what's going on. In other words, don't leave to buy popcorn.
The cast,including Catherine Zeta Jones as Emily's former shrink are all excellent and the film even manages to get satrical in regards to the harmeuctical industry and our pill popping society.
I gave 'Side Effects' 3 1/2 bagels out of 5. The film opens Friday, February 9, 2012 and if you're a fan of Soderbergh and this genre, definitely see it.
Watch our video to find out John's thoughts and his bagel score.
Please SUBSCRIBE to our youtube channel and LIKE us on our Two Jews On Film facebook page.
Let us know what you think. Thanks everyone.
February 6, 2013 | 6:53 pm
Review: ‘Identity Thief’
Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz
Sandy Patterson (the always likable Jason Bateman) is a Denver account rep at an investment firm run by Harold Cornish (Jon Favreau) who delights in telling Sandy that he can be replaced one day by...an APP.
Luckily for Sandy, he has a wife, Trish (Amanda Peet) and two young daughters that love him no matter how much money he doesn't make.
But Sandy's fortune is about to change...for the good and the bad.
First the good. A group of fed up investors at his firm decide to start their own company and they want Sandy to join them. Which means, Sandy's salary has just gone from $50,000 a year to $250,000. With another baby on the way, Sandy and his family couldn't be happier.
Now for the bad...Unbeknownst to Sandy, his identity has been stolen by a really obnoxious woman named, Dana (Melissa McCarthy) who resides in Florida.
Dana has already maxed at one of Sandy's credit cards to the tune of 12 thousand dollars. If that's not bad enough, she's wanted by the cops for assalt and has jumped bail.
Before the real Sandy can settle in at his new firm, the cops come to arrest him. Seems Dana aka Sandy is also wanted by the Feds. This time it's for selling drugs and guns.
The real Sandy tries to convince the police and his boss, who wants to fire him, that this is all a mistake..that his identity has been stolen. The cops aren't very sympathic. In fact, they chide him for having a 'girl's name'...A not so funny running joke.
Somehow Sandy convinces them to give him one week to travel to Florida and bring back his imposter.
It doesn't take long for 'Identity Thief' to become a road pic, filled with lots of outrageous, over the top, super vulgar antics, including car chases, gun battles, kidnapping, lots of drinking, and some really gross sex scenes.
What this comedy doesn't have is COMEDY.
This film is just not funny. It relies on cheap tricks passing as humor and then towards the end, the filmmakers go for cheap sentimentality.
'Identity Thief' directed by Seth Gordon and written by Craig Mazin opens in theatres, Friday February 8, 2012. I gave it 2 dry bagels out of 5. And we all know how bagel generous I am, but not this time.
Check out our video for John's bagel score and for more of our witty banter.
Please SUBSCRIBE to our youtube channel and LIKE us on our Two Jews On Film facebook page.
Let us know what you think of this film if you decide to see it. Thanks everyone
January 29, 2013 | 5:08 pm
Review: ‘Stand Up Guys’
Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz
Stand Up Guys (2013)There are many reasons to see this quirky, independent, funny, touching, action, comedy...but the main ones are...Al Pacino and Christopher Walken. They are fantastic. Both of these fine actors give tour de force performances in their respective roles.
Al is Vall, a 60+ year old career criminal who's just been released from prison after serving twenty-eight years, for refusing to give up one of his close criminal associates.
His BFF, Doc (Christopher Walken) picks him up at the prison and the two guys spend the next few hours, talking about their glory days, drinking, popping pills and visiting a whore house.
But that's not all. They wind up breaking out their old pal, Hirsch (Alan Arkin).from a nursing home. From there things get even wilder. They guys steal a car and prove that despite their age, their capacity for mayhem is still very much alive and well.
It doesn't take long before bullets start to fly, as the men make a hilariously valiant effort, to compensate for the decades of crime, drugs and sex, they've missed.
But it's not all fun and games. One of these old friends is keeping a dangerous secret. Not to spoil anything, let's just say it has to do with a very powerful, very angry, mob boss bent on revenge.
"Stand Up Guys' which opens in theatres February 1, 2013 directed by Fisher Stevens and written by first time screenwriter, Noah Haidle is a must see for anyone who loves great acting, great dialogue and a great story.
I absolutely loved this film and gave it 41/2 bagels out of 5. Check out our video to see John's score and for our usual off the wall banter.
Please SUBSCRIBE to us on youtube and LIKE us on our Two Jews On Film facebook page.
Thanks everyone...And let us know what you think about 'Stand Up Guys'.
January 24, 2013 | 6:03 pm
Review: ‘Parker’
Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz
Parker (Jason Statham) is a thief...One of the best around. But he's not just a thief. He's a thief with a code...Do what you say...If you don't...there will be consequences.
Parker demands absolute loyalty and strict adherence to the plan from his crew. Unfortunately that's not what he gets from fellow thieves, Melander (Michael Chiklis), Carlson (Wendell Pierce) and Ross (Clifton Collins, Jr.)
'Parker' directed by Academy Award nomineeTaylor Hackford, ('Ray') starts out with a daring robbery at the Ohio State Fair that doesn't go so well. Thanks to the recklessness of one of his men, someone dies.
This leads Parker very pissed off at his crew and declines their invitation to do another job. He just wants his share of the take and to be rid of them.
His gang however, has another idea. They want to pool all the money and invest it in a major jewel heist.
So when Parker refuses to give up his share, they shoot him and leave him for dead on the side of a deserted road. Lucky for Parker, a very nice couple comes along and saves his life.
Well if they didn't, there would be a movie right?
Even though Parker isn't fully recovered, he wants one thing and one thing only...Revenge.
No one can stop him...Not even his girlfriend, Claire (Emma Booth) or her father and Parker's partner, Hurley (Nick Nolte),
He traces the gang to glitzy Palm Beach where he finds out, they are planning to rob $50 million dollars of jewels.
Needling to discover where the gang is hiding out, Parker poses as a wealthy Texan looking to buy a home.
And guess who's his real estate agent? It's Miss J Lo, who winds up being extremely helpful to Parker, thanks to her extensive knowledge of Palm Beach..
You can imagine what happens next. Afterall this is a Jason Statham movie. That's right...lots of violence, fighting, and of course...lots and lots of...death.
'Parker' was written by John J. McLaughlin ('Black Swan' and 'Hitchcock') based on the novel, 'Flashfire' by Richard Stark aka Donald Westlake.
It's basically mindless entertainment. There aren't any surprises and the film gives you two hours of escapist fun...Personally I'd wait to see it on Netflix.
I gave 'Parker' 21/2 bagels out of 5. The film opens Friday January 25, 2012.
Check out our video to find out John's score and hear more of our banter.
Please SUBSCRIBE to our youtube channel and LIKE us on our Two Jews On Film facebook page.
January 16, 2013 | 8:03 pm
Review: ‘The Broken City’
Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz
The Broken City (2013)The broken city, in this character driven crime thriller is...New York, aka Manhattan, aka The Big Apple.
In this fictitous New York City, The not so honorable, Nicolas Hostetler (Russell Crowe) is the Mayor...He's as charming as he is...corrupt.
When the film opens, we see cop, Billy Taggart (Mark Wahlberg) kill a rapist. According to Taggart, he shot him in self defense.
The public is outraged when the court decides that there's not enough evidence against Taggart to bring him to trial. But even though he beats the murder charge, Mayor Hostetler, has no choice but to ask for the policeman's resignation.
Fast forward to seven years later.
Taggart is barely getting by as a private investigator, mainly because he never asks his clients for money upfront and then they his refuse to pay him. Wonder why!
But even though the dude is broke, he does have a very beautiful girlfriend, Natalie (Natalie Martinez) who just happens to be an aspiring actress. The couple are so in love and in lust, they don't even mind living in a broken down apartment.
So life isn't too bad for Taggart. That is until...
The Mayor, after not seeing the cop for years, calls Taggart out of the blue and hires him to follow his beautiful wife, Cathleen (Catherine Zeta-Jones) The Mayor, supposedly, thinks she's having an affair.
Sounds like a fun movie? Unfortunately, not that much.
The film directed by Allen Hughes, one half of The Hughes Brothers ('Menace 2 Society;) is something you've seen over and over again. The story and the characters are very familiar and not in an exciting way.
Having said that...There are a couple of interesting twists in the film.
One involves, Councilman Jack Valenti (Barry Pepper) as the newcomer, who's running against the Mayor in the upcoming election and the other has to do with the Police Comissioner (Jeffrey Wright) who seems to dislike everybody.
As far as the acting goes, Russell Crowe is quite good. Zeta-Jones and Wahlberg do what they always do. She looks beautiful and he's Mister Tough, Vulnerable Guy.
So if you're curious, wait to see it when it comes to Netflix or cable.
John and I are actually in agreement. We gave 'Broken City' which opens in theatres, Friday January 18, 2012, a low 2 bagels out of 5 score.
Check out our video for more of our silly banter.
Please SUBSCRIBE to us on youtube and LIKE us on our Two Jews On Film facebook page. If you do see this film, let us know what you think.
Thanks everyone.
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