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February 27, 2013 | 8:06 pm 
Review: ‘Jack The Giant Slayer’
Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz
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For those of you, who managed to get through childhood, without hearing the story of Jack, a farm boy, who sold his horse for some magical beans, don't worry...director Bryan Singer has recreated the story, with some added touches, in his new 3D IMAX film, entitled 'Jack the Giant Slayer'.
Once upon a time, a race of giants were exiled from the earth to a land far, far, in fact, really far away, known as Gantua. Seems these big guys were more into ravishing the earth, instead of living peacefully with us humans.
Anyway it's been over a thousand years since man and giants occupied the same space, but soon, that's about to change when...
Jack (Nicholas Hoult) a farmboy unwittingly opens a gateway between our world and the giants, when a monk gives him some magical beans, in exchange for his horse.
The one instruction the monk gives Jack is...'Do not let the beans get wet'.
So guess what happens next? Yep, one of the beans winds up in a pool of water and before you can say 'a tree grows in Brooklyn,' a beanstalk shoots up...and up...and up...leading straight to the Giants' homeland.
Of course there's more. What would a fairy tale be without a Princess in distress?
In this case, the Princess is Isabelle (Eleanor Tomlinson) who's being forced to marry her King Daddy's (the always excellent Ian McShane) right hand man, Roderick (the ever so sleazy, Stanley Tucci).
No matter how hard Isabelle tries to convince her father that Sir R isn't her soul mate, the King won't budge.He thinks Roderick is a prince among men and the best match for his daughter.
Boy is King Daddy in for a surprise. But not just yet.
Seems the Princess, when the Princess isn't arguing with her father about her impending nuptials, likes to sneak out of the Palace and walk among the masses.
Well, one dark and stormy knight, during one of these outings, Isabelle gets lost, comes upon Jack's farm and before she knows what hits her, she gets swooped up by the beanstalk and winds up in Gantua, aka home of the big guys.
Lucky for Isabelle, she has a band of soldiers, led by Ewan McGregor, as well as Jack (who by now has a mad crush on her) willing to climb the outrageously tall beanstalk and come to her rescue.
'Jack The Giant Slayer' written by Christopher McQuarrie ('The Usual Suspects') Dan Studney and Darren Lemke ('Shrek Forever After') is a great film for the whole family. And that's exactly what it is...a family film.
It's basically a straight ahead story...Giants want to eat humans and take over the Earth. There are no female giants, so parents don't have to worry about sex and the violence is the usual type you find in cartoons.
There's also a good amount of humor and the two young leads are charming.
Bill Nighy as General Fallon, the ferocious two-headed leader of the Giant army, is alone worth the price of admission.
I gave 'Jack The Giant Slayer' which opens in theatres Friday March 1st, four bagels out of five. Check out our video to see what John thought and for more of our witty banter.
Please SUBSCRIBE to our youtube channel and LIKE us on our Two Jews On Film facebook page.
Thanks everyone
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February 21, 2013 | 6:41 pm
Review: ‘Snitch’
Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz
'Snitch' directed by Ric Roman Waugh is an action film with barely any 'action'. At that's the least of its problems.
The main one: It's lead...The Rock aka Dwayne Johnson. I know your films have made quite a lot of money at the box office, but you are one 'wooden' actor. You had one facial expression throughout the film and delivered your dialogue monotonically. Not good at all.
Johnson can get away with it in comedy, but definitely not in a dramatic piece which this film is.
He plays a businessman, John Matthews who owns a successful trucking company, Matthews is married, has a young child and all seems right in his world. That is until...
His estranged 18 year old son, Jason (Raft Gavron) from his first marriage gets busted for receiving a package filled with MDMA. Jason is going to receive a mandatory minimum 19 year sentence in federal prison.
MORAL: Don't be dumb enough to let your drug dealing BFF talk you into receiving illegal drugs in the mail.
Anyway after Jason turns down an offer from politically ambitious U.S. Attorney, Joanne Keeghan (Susan Sarandon) to reduce his sentence by manufacturing evidence against someone else, John begs Keeghan to let him go undercover instead and pose as a guy wanting to buy coke. .
Keeghan agrees. Now all John has to do is find an ex con with connection to drug dealers. Lucky for him, he has one working for him...A man named Daniel Cruz. And lucky for us, Cruz is played by Jon Bernthal who brings an authenticity to the part, something Johnson does not. .
Okay so John and Cruz hook up with coke dealer, Malik (the excellent Michael Kenneth) and do a trial run...All goes well, so John catches the eyes and ears of the head of the drug cartel, Juan Carlos (Benjamin Bratt) Now our guy is ready for the 'big, big time'.
As I mentioned, If you're waiting for some heavy duty action, it doesn't come...Not until the last 15 minutes of the film. And trust me, it is not worth the wait.
Rounding out the cast is Barry Pepper, as undercover cop, Billy Cooper, Melina Kanakaredes as Sylvia, John's first wife.
'Snitch' written by Waugh along with Justin Haythe opens in theatres Friday February 22.
The film received one of my lowest bagel scores...1 1/2. Check out our video for John's score and of course, for more of us.
Please SUBSCRIBE to our youtube channel and LIKE us on our Two Jews On Film facebook page. Thanks everyone.
February 13, 2013 | 7:21 pm
Review: ‘A Good Day To Die Hard’
Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz
A Good Day to Die Hard (2013)Bruce Willis reprises his ioconic role as police detective John McClane in 'A Good Day To Die Hard' directed by John Moore ('Max Payne') and written by Skip Woods ('A Team') and Jason Keller.
McClane this time around, finds himself in Moscow. Seems his estranged son, Jack (Jai Courtney) has been arrested for murder. McClane isn't at all surprise. He believes Jack is a total screw-up.
In truth (and this isn't a SPOILER) Jack is a CIA operative trying to protect a government whistleblower, Komarov (Sebastian Koch) from being killed.
Anyway, before father and son can hook up, they're involved in an over the top car case through the streets of Moscow that lasts around ten minutes (It felt like ten hours)
After that's over, the two men, spend some time yelling at each other, followed by a few moments of male bonding, as they try to protect Komarov Russian bad guys. And there's lots of bad guys.
There's also lots of shoot outs, vicious fights, a little torture and more car chases.
Get the picture...
I really wanted to love this film or at least be entertained, but unfortunately neither one of those things happened.
'A Good Day To Die Hard' has what you'd expect from an action film...It has action. What it doesn't have, is a good script and well defined characters.
Bruce Willis is always fun to watch, but even he couldn't save this film from being nothing more than two hours of non stop, excessive violence, with a twist you could see coming a mile away.
It's for those reasons I gave 'A Good Day To Die Hard' 21/2 bagels out of 5.
The film opens on Valentines Day, Thursday February 14, 2012. If you're planning on having a romantic evening, this is definitely NOT the movie to see.
Check out our video to find out John's score and for more of our witty banter.
Please SUBSCRIBE to us on youtube and LIKE us on our Two Jews On Film facebook page.
Let us know what you think of 'A Good Day To Die Hard'. Thanks everyone.
February 8, 2013 | 10:40 am
Review: ‘Side Effects’
Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz
Side Effects (2013)When we meet Emily (Rooney Mara) she is picking up her husband, Martin (Channing Tatum) from prison. He was sentenced to four years for inside trading.
Once living the high life, the couple are now reduced to sharing a small apartment in a not so very fashionable New York City neighborhood.
Martin takes this all in stride. He believes that one day soon, he'll be back on top.
Emily, on the other hand, is not doing too good. That's especially obvious when she drives her car into a brick wall and winds up in the hospital.
After her failed suicide attempt, psychiatrist, Jonathan Banks (Jude Law) is called in to consult on Emily's case. Desperate not to be hospitalized, Emily agrees to a regimen of therapy and antidepressants.
When the first set of pills don't work, Banks prescribes a new medication that quiets her demons. Unfortunately, the side effects of the drug has chilling consequences for Emily, her husband and even for...Banks.
Side Effects, directed by Oscar winner Steven Soderbergh (Traffic, Erin Brockovich, Sex, Lies and Videotape) and written by Scott Z. Barnes (Contagion, The Bourne Ultimatum) is what I'd call a provocative thriller filled with suspense and and twists and turns that you won't see coming.
You really have to pay close attention to what's going on. In other words, don't leave to buy popcorn.
The cast,including Catherine Zeta Jones as Emily's former shrink are all excellent and the film even manages to get satrical in regards to the harmeuctical industry and our pill popping society.
I gave 'Side Effects' 3 1/2 bagels out of 5. The film opens Friday, February 9, 2012 and if you're a fan of Soderbergh and this genre, definitely see it.
Watch our video to find out John's thoughts and his bagel score.
Please SUBSCRIBE to our youtube channel and LIKE us on our Two Jews On Film facebook page.
Let us know what you think. Thanks everyone.
February 6, 2013 | 6:53 pm
Review: ‘Identity Thief’
Posted by Joan Alperin-Schwartz
Sandy Patterson (the always likable Jason Bateman) is a Denver account rep at an investment firm run by Harold Cornish (Jon Favreau) who delights in telling Sandy that he can be replaced one day by...an APP.
Luckily for Sandy, he has a wife, Trish (Amanda Peet) and two young daughters that love him no matter how much money he doesn't make.
But Sandy's fortune is about to change...for the good and the bad.
First the good. A group of fed up investors at his firm decide to start their own company and they want Sandy to join them. Which means, Sandy's salary has just gone from $50,000 a year to $250,000. With another baby on the way, Sandy and his family couldn't be happier.
Now for the bad...Unbeknownst to Sandy, his identity has been stolen by a really obnoxious woman named, Dana (Melissa McCarthy) who resides in Florida.
Dana has already maxed at one of Sandy's credit cards to the tune of 12 thousand dollars. If that's not bad enough, she's wanted by the cops for assalt and has jumped bail.
Before the real Sandy can settle in at his new firm, the cops come to arrest him. Seems Dana aka Sandy is also wanted by the Feds. This time it's for selling drugs and guns.
The real Sandy tries to convince the police and his boss, who wants to fire him, that this is all a mistake..that his identity has been stolen. The cops aren't very sympathic. In fact, they chide him for having a 'girl's name'...A not so funny running joke.
Somehow Sandy convinces them to give him one week to travel to Florida and bring back his imposter.
It doesn't take long for 'Identity Thief' to become a road pic, filled with lots of outrageous, over the top, super vulgar antics, including car chases, gun battles, kidnapping, lots of drinking, and some really gross sex scenes.
What this comedy doesn't have is COMEDY.
This film is just not funny. It relies on cheap tricks passing as humor and then towards the end, the filmmakers go for cheap sentimentality.
'Identity Thief' directed by Seth Gordon and written by Craig Mazin opens in theatres, Friday February 8, 2012. I gave it 2 dry bagels out of 5. And we all know how bagel generous I am, but not this time.
Check out our video for John's bagel score and for more of our witty banter.
Please SUBSCRIBE to our youtube channel and LIKE us on our Two Jews On Film facebook page.
Let us know what you think of this film if you decide to see it. Thanks everyone
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