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Jewish Journal

JewishJournal.com

February 28, 2010

The hidden clauses in Muslim marriage contracts

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/the_hidden_clauses_in_muslim_marriage_contracts_20100227/

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I’m taking contracts this semester, and if I’ve learned anything—and I have because Professor Asimow is awesome—it’s: put everything in writing and, though no one does it, please, please, please read (and understand) before you sign. Example No. 7,048, courtesy of Slate and a first-person retelling of a traditional Muslim marriage for Pakistanis:

More than the weight on my body, I was bothered by how extraneous I felt to the ceremony. My soon-to-be husband had been briefed by the religious scholar presiding. He had also read the marriage-contract papers in detail, making the additions and cancellations he wanted.

But I hadn’t seen the document. When I had asked to, my mother had rebuffed my request, saying there was no need, since she had already gone through it. When I told my fiance I wanted to discuss the contract with him, he wondered why I didn’t trust him to do what was best for us.

My grandmother, the stern matriarch of our family, warned me with a scowl that to read the contract would be a bad omen. But I was still eager to see the papers and began bugging my father. He initially consented, but eventually pulled back, saying he didn’t want my husband’s family to take offense. I burst into tears. My father patted me on the head, whispered consoling words, and said I should trust him.

Marriages in Pakistan are physically and emotionally exhausting. The rituals are designed to remind the woman that there is no turning back. Drained by the festivities and eager for a smooth end to the 14-day-long wedding, I gave in.

And so, during the ceremony, I sat a mile away from my fiance, could barely hear the words being recited, and felt as removed from the proceedings as a guest. I heard the microphone being passed to my husband. I heard him say “yes” three times, as is the tradition in Islam. I heard a round of congratulations. When my mother engulfed me in a tight hug, I protested that I had no idea what was happening.

This actually isn’t a great example because the consequences of her not reading the contract have, at least thus far, been minimal. But it’s interesting to see a religious spin on something very basic to day-to-day human interaction.

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