July 23, 2008 | 3:50 pm
Posted by Brad A. Greenberg
At the expense of again-unprepared-for-marriage Sacha Baron Cohen—you know him as Borat and Bruno and Ali G—Meredith Gordon wrote a very funny piece for Jewcy recently about Jewish moms and marriage. She wrote:
It’s safe to say that hell hath no fury like a pissed off Jewish Mother, and to add insult to injury, Mama Baron Cohen isn’t just mad, she’s…how do I say this…disappointed. Disappointment is the Achilles heal of all Jewish children, who would arguably prefer listening to Paris Hilton’s debut album from beginning to end than having to hear their mother utter the word “disappointed” in reference to them.
For a Jewish Mother, a wedding is the Senior Prom, the mother of all parties. It’s her opportunity to shine. For anyone who has been a bride or a groom at a Jewish wedding, you know that while you may be getting married, your Mother is getting recognition. It’s her day to show the world that she was such a good mom someone else actually finds her child desirable enough to take him or her off Mom’s hands. And while M.B.C. has the brass ring for aging Jewish Mothers—a grandchild—she hasn’t gotten the Crown Jewel of motherhood: a wedding.
While most Jewish parents would be thrilled to have a child like Sacha, whose religion is so important to him that he’s willing to wait to get married until he and his bride are of the same faith, M.B.C. is a reminder that when a pregnant woman says she just wants her child to be happy and healthy, she’s lying. Mothers want the trifecta: Happy, Healthy, and Married. Sacha Baron Cohen created the top grossing movie of last year, is often referred to as a genius, and even boasts a degree from Cambridge where he graduated Summa Cum Everything, and yet his mother is still disappointed because he’s not married.
All around the world, Jewish Mothers are united not by their religion but by disappointment when they can’t marry their children off fast enough. You might have just found a solution to bring peace to the Middle East and chances are your Mom is still going to say, “But solving the world’s problems leaves you no time to date.”
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