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July 19, 2008 | 1:56 pm

Avoiding ‘Escape from the Holy Shtetl’

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I haven’t actually been avoiding this story, but since receiving an e-mail from New York magazine’s flak on Monday I’ve lacked the time to really think about the most commented, most e-mailed and nearly most-viewed story at nymag.com. You’ve probably seen it somewhere else by now, but here is the link and a little snippet to get you interested in the saga of Gitty Grunwald and her young daughter held captive in the Hasidic community of Kiryas Joel, aka “Escape from the Holy Shtetl.“

It was only after her arranged marriage, at age 17, to Joel—nicknamed Yoely—Grunwald, another Kiryas Joel teenager, who would become Esther Miriam’s father, that Gitty knew “I couldn’t live in KJ anymore, that I didn’t want to be one of those women who pop out babies every eighteen months and think whatever their husbands tell them to … When Esther Miriam was born, that raised the stakes, because now there were two of us. Two KJ girls.”

In early 2007, Gitty fled Kiryas Joel for good, taking Esther Miriam with her. At first, they lived in the relatively relaxed frum (Orthodox) community of Monsey, New York, then moved to Brooklyn. “It was just the two of us. I loved it,” Gitty says. Then in January of this year, as Esther Miriam was walked with her class to a Flatbush playground, she was taken, says Gitty, who believes her husband was behind the act.

“Some KJ guys snatched her off the street. Esther Miriam said they were wearing masks. All she remembers was crying, crying so hard,” Gitty says, calling it the worst day of her life. “When they told me what happened, I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I was being suffocated. I still do.”

Since then, Esther Miriam has been in KJ, at times in the house of Yoely’s parents, as Gitty works through the courts, both secular and rabbinical, to try to regain custody of her daughter. For the time being, Gitty says, “Yoely calls the shots, when I can see my daughter and where.”

Posted by Brad A. Greenberg in 14 Comments — Leave your comment

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Haaretz writer Anshel Pfeffer mentions this article in his opinion piece Out of the fold

He writes:

“But while Kiryas Joel and a few other Haredi ghettos are no more than pinpricks in the American firmament, in Israel these questions are of an entirely different magnitude.

More than 20 percent of the Jewish schoolchildren in Israel last year, some 215,000 kids, studied in ultra-Orthodox schools. Their proportion is growing, the younger the age group.

These schools come under varying degrees of government supervision, but the Education Ministry as a rule has little power over the curriculum taught there.“

Joel Katz
Religion and State in Israel

Comment by Joel Katz - Religion and State in Israel on 7/20/08 at 5:05 am

It is a disservice to post something “I’ve lacked the time to really think about”. I understand the problem, as I have at least three outstanding items of business right here on this blog that I’ve lacked the time to really think about, but that’s why I haven’t addressed them and I thought it would be weak to post nothing but the fact that I haven’t had the time. I don’t have to think as much about this one, I know people and situations like it.

This Ny Mag feature is entirely unprofessional. That is a feature of the ‘the New Journalism” anyway, but as a representation of truth and reality it is fraudulent with respect to completeness, accuracy and above all the injection of excessive interpretation. It is shallow, misleading, pandering to biases and stereotypes, and exploitative of Gitty and the child. We could go on. So what else is new? My guess is that Gitty’s lawyer has quite a lot to do with the content of the piece.

There is not the slightest doubt that Gitty has the right to flee one life. Without the child she would obviously never have to look back. Ah, life. One reason some societies take those issues of social and sexual relationships so seriously. If one overlooks Gitty’s hotness quotient blinding the the immature writer of the piece, she is not at all ready to live and work and care for a child. Was the scene of “... brilliant, ruined people, floating from place to place, homeless, stoned out of their minds half the time. Last Purim, one of the rebels OD’d on coke and ground-up Xanax, a typical ex-Hasid drug concoction” a better alternate lifestyle than a stable, clean, dignified, peaceful society that she left?

When I was in school, I learned the pride we have in America being the destination of people seeking freedom of worship from the hidebound European societies. And that applied to religious communities no less (probably more) than individuals at that time. America was not that great at it right away, certainly not with regard to its Jews. Yet that essential tolerance is what was eventually codified into the Constitutional freedoms and rights. Fans of this story will say that it what Gitty is after in leaving her world, and I agree that she is one who fell between the cracks and deserves an easier transition than ‘everything-or-nothing’. But the story is at least equally about the right and in fact the success of the chareidi community (disregarding the sneers and accounbting fo the reality) in maintaining an overwhelmingly happy, healthy, loyal, hardworking and growing society. That is in fact what threatens their detractors, whom one would think would have their hands full celebrating their own wonderfulness.

More to the point, she is the rebellious daughter of a rebellious daughter, and looking at the grandparents I would have to say that the trend goes back at least another generation or two. The real story here is that of her ex-hippie mother Deborah Feinman Schwartz, who has this to say:
“People make choices”. . . . Deborah says Gitty’s decision to talk about her life in Kiryas Joel is “the act of a disgruntled, ungrateful kid, someone we tried to help but refused help.” Questioning Gitty’s maturity, Deborah says, “My daughter is not a mensch. Instead of stepping on everyone else’s head, she should take responsibility for herself.” Asked if there was any place for Gitty in KJ if she was not religious, Deborah says, “She should stop blaming religion and trying to make us monsters.”

Did you ever hear the expression “Don’t go away mad - just go away”?

But this is a man-bites-dog story. The number of people dropping out of chareidi life is statistically negligible, and even less who have such hostility. The reverse trend is growing - secular Jews, including educated, credentialled professionals and scientists who become religious and even chareidi, in almost all cases while maintaining their worldly professions and relationships. What does Gitty know that they don’t know? What do they know that Gitty doesn’t know? What they know is that the image and pop culture issues that are the highest values in life for New York Magazine are ultimately valueless except to the tiniest number of iconic ‘stars’. They know what they had and what they have given up and what they have taken on. Now there is a story to report and to blog.

Comment by Ben Plonie on 7/20/08 at 3:03 pm

“...But the story is at least equally about the right and in fact the success of the chareidi community (disregarding the sneers and accounbting fo the reality) in maintaining an overwhelmingly happy, healthy, loyal, hardworking and growing society. That is in fact what threatens their detractors, whom one would think would have their hands full celebrating their own wonderfulness.“

In the event of moral lapses or criminal behaviour on the part of members of the shtetl, the community circles the wagons, chastises any member who dissents, indeed threatens those who would break “omerta” with social ostracization, financial ruin and even violence, and then spews missplaced accustaions of “Lashon Ahora” against anyone else who would dare even discuss issues that might reflect badly on the polish noblemen of Chelm, as evidenced by your hysterics. That being said, It would be difficult, if not impossible to quantify claims of societal happiness and cohesion since the majority of the community is actively involved in covering up such crimes and behaviour. Such complicity is not conducive to any honest and forthright introspection and accounting that would be necessary for such claims to be credible.

Comment by Shoded Yam on 7/21/08 at 10:33 am

Didn’t anyone wonder what the “escape” was, noone chased after her. She has no complaints about her ex husband except that he’s playing around with visitation. Who wouldn’t she has admitted to taking drugs. There are so many things that are wrong about this article from an orthodox perspective, so many misquotes. Did anyone notice that the reporter didn’t interview one member of the Kiryas Joel community outside of this girls’ dysfunctional family? She is using her daughter to get attention. I feel bad for her child and the ex husband.

Comment by Moses on 7/21/08 at 2:26 pm

On the contrary, it is one of he easiest things in the world to measure societal happiness and cohesion. And I don’t think that chareidim enjoy any privileged treatment by the secular criminal justice system, in fact the reverse is true. It is typical of haters to posit some kind of conspiracy on the part of the meritocracy to explain away their failure to compete with any aspect of their success. Sour grapes, I call it.

Comment by Ben Plonie on 7/21/08 at 9:28 pm

She is just a big looser trying to get some attention.

Who cares what she thinks about Yidishkeit?

She a stupid 23 year old who thought if she’ll only act like a goita, she’ll turn into the luckiest person.

Like so many other Chasidic drop-outs, she obviously proved herself wrong and is now trying to blame the world for it.

Why doesn’t she explain what exactly went wrong with her marriage or why she felt this great urge to stop doing “Tahras Hamishpocha”?

We can only assume she wouldn’t come out to be this great victim, had she gotten more detailed about it!

Comment by Mark on 7/23/08 at 6:09 pm

I know exactly what you are saying, but your exaggerated dialect and lowlife mode of expression make me suspect that you are trying to defame religious Jews rather than represent them. Your words are adult, but your attitude is a kid’s. Hmmmm, do I know anyone like that?

Comment by Ben Plonie on 7/23/08 at 6:59 pm

“And I don’t think that chareidim enjoy any privileged treatment by the secular criminal justice system,“

Since most crimes that take place in the Haredi community never get reported(especially those of a deviant or sexual nature)to the authorities, the question of favored treatment or otherwise as regards to the “secular” justice system is irrelevant. By the way, your attempts at differentiating beteween the secular justice system and the fantasy football league known as “The Beis Din” only serves to illustrate the amorality, antithical behaviour, and connivance of a cult-like community hell bent on inflicting its criminal behaviour on the outside world (ostensibly for the benefit of the hareidi community. How paying for Russian hookers and call girls for the Rebbe’s entourage is a community service, how stealing from the Pell grant system to further the “eceumenical education” of useleess mouths in Kiryas Joel or Monsey or one of the other Jonestown-like shtetls is beyond comprehension)while using its “judicial” powers in order to silence detractors.

Comment by Shoded Yam on 7/24/08 at 9:38 am

Gitty is not a loser,on the contrary. I read her story and I’m amazed of how people still behave as if they were living in the stone age. It was great that she was able to see beyond her nose not like the other people who will be be entrapped in religious fanaticism. She is not trying to blame the world, she is blaming her people for keeping her eyes closed, she is just discovering what’s out there,the real world, not the imaginary one. I applaud this girl for being so brave and liberating herself from religious nonsense. A non-religious Jew can also be a great person and a great citizen.

Comment by Abraham Zaludobsky on 7/26/08 at 7:39 am

Abraham,
Don’t worry about the poster above who called her a ‘looser’ (a loser way to spell ‘loser’). He is a particular phony with a hangup about religious Jews who frequents this blog, trying to stereotype them with a false image in his usual bungling manner. Most people including Gitty’s family wish her luck, success and happiness, whether they agree with how she conducts herself or not. If you read the quote by her mother who certainly comprehends all the issues from personal experience, she did not mention, God, sin, Gitty’s eternal soul etc. What she said could have come from Dr. Phil.

I still believe this article is calculated to influence her legal status, and we should note that the courts have sided with the father so far with regard to custody, despite the ‘three bearded men jumping out of car kidnap’ ploy in the story. Maybe a clean, stable quiet environment with an extended family who fanatically don’t watch television is actually better for the child than being an accessory in a drug-soaked culture of brave neurotics. Don’t be a sucker and believe everything you read.

Comment by Ben Plonie on 7/26/08 at 7:54 pm

Shoded yam
Thanks for standing up once again for the Hitlerian view of Orthodox Jews in general and Chasidim and Chareidim in particular. The non-favored treatement with regard to the secular justice system was with regard to the custody issue in the story, and I did not use the word “Beis Din” that I remember in any of the hundreds of posts I have made on this website. So thanks for representing the ‘rrelevancy’ and ‘misleading’ communities as well. It is a sign of the inner rot of your lost soul that you credit the crassest charges of the enemies of the Jews rather than standing up for them, who would do it for you.

Nobody excuses human failings, but your only feeble complaint concerns their lack of perfection as an obvious emotional crutch to excuse your own failings. The chareidi lifestyle is designed to bring individuals and a community under Torah law and values and discipline. While nothing guarantees perfection, the incidence of immorality, crime, fraud and theft is a negligible fraction of the incidence of society at large and specifically among your peer group. Social and welfare workers would dance in the street to achieve a reduction in the increase of those things, and the stability, sanity, social and emotional health in these communities will remain forever a distant dream for them.

As for your phony baloney ‘concerns’ about Pell grants and so on, kindly provide yourself and us the incidence of such fraud in the program overall and among any other given community. On balance, the Jewish, Orthodox, and Chareidi communities don’t get a nickel on the dollar from the government taking into account the privately subsidized social and emergency services, and the near zero incidence of crime among them.

Get the facts, get a life, get a conscience, get a soul. All right, get the facts.

Comment by Ben Plonie on 7/26/08 at 10:07 pm

I AM THE MOTHER OF A 34 YEAR OLD SON LIVING IN BENSONHURST BKLYN.WE ARE OF ITALIAN DESCENT AND ARE ROMAN CATHOLIC.I HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF MEETING GITTY GRUNWALD IN SEPT. OF 2007.FOR APPROXIMATELY 3 MONTHS SHE MADE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL.SHE PRACTICALLY MOVED INTO MY HOME AND DISRUPTED THE LIVES OF MY WHOLE FAMILY.AT THIS TIME SHE MADE NO EFFORT TO REGAIN CUSTODY OF HER CHILD.MY SON HAD AN ONGOING BATTLE WITH HER OVER THIS.HE EVENTUALLY LOST HIS JOB OVER THE SITUATION.HE WOULD TAKE DAYS OFF WORK TO GO WITH HER TO FAMILY COURT BUT SHE WOULDNT EVEN GET OUR OF BED TO GO WITH HIM.AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED SHE IS USING THE SYSTEM FOR HER OWN MEANS AND NOT IN THE BEST INTEREST OF HER CHILD.THERE IS SO MUCH MORE I CAN SAY BUT TIME WILL ALLOW THE PUBLIC TO FIND OUT THE TRUE NATURE OF GITTY.I CAN UNDERSTAND HOW SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE COME TO HER AID FOR SO DID I UNTIL I DISCOVERED HER TRUE NATURE. .PLEASE STOP AIDING HER IN THIS WITCH HUNT AND INVESTIGATE HER FURTHER BEFORE YOU CONTINUE TO ENLIST THE AID OF THE UNSUSPECTING PUBLIC….......SANDRA RUGGIERO BKLYN NY

Comment by sandyrug on 7/29/08 at 10:35 am

I suggest you make yourself available to Gitty’s husband’s lawyer.

Comment by Ben Plonie on 7/29/08 at 9:18 pm

Remember that war in Germany, yea the one where those who were Jewish were put to death, yea, that one! This goes out to the idiot narrow-minded Italian who doesn’t know shit what a roman catholic is,much less what a gods chosen is. Let me be the first to say YOU should be persecuted and sent to a concentration camp for your misguided facts.  Ms SandyRug.Your lying and not only do i know this but so do all your neighbors. by the way she will get her child God will see to this.

Comment by cassadralianda on 11/17/08 at 8:57 pm

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