Jewish Journal

Bye Bye Bynes

Chris Stuke

December 18, 2013 | 4:28 pm

carrie-nelson / Shutterstock.com

Well, holiday miracles do come true if you’re Amanda Bynes. The troubled “actress” was released from rehab at the end of last month and is now under the care and supervision of her parents in Los Angeles.

Amanda says she wants to go to school for fashion which means at some point in time she plans on enrolling at FIDM. This makes perfect sense because every girl I’ve dated (or even met) that’s attended FIDM is more unstable than a Philippine city’s infrastructure.

Amanda’s parents haven’t divulged to anyone what changes they’ve made to their home in regard to their daughter’s return. But one can safely assume all sharp objects have been locked away, no devices that can access the internet are within reach and that the TV has been replaced with a cardboard box with a square hole cut into it where they perform puppet shows for Amanda every Tuesday evening. You know, to keep things on an even keel and hold the crazy at bay.

In Amanda’s defense though, nothing will ravage a child the way Hollywood can once its claws are in them. The entertainment industry screws up a kid in ways that your typical abductor couldn’t possibly fathom.  Kid actors transitioning to adults are a guaranteed train wreck. You’re just never sure if that imminent demolition will be in the country where there’s no innocent bystanders or in a heavily populated area where there’s massive collateral damage.

Amanda’s meltdown by comparison to others was pretty mediocre. But what do you expect from the Nickelodeon family? If you want total koo-koo-crazy end of days stuff, then you have to go to The Mouse over at Disney.

Still though, her fall from grace wasn’t without merit and a track to immortalize it by Kidd Upstairs & XO

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