October 8, 2013 | 3:04 pm
Posted by Julie Bien
It shouldn't come as a surprise that the cuisine offered at your local deli is not the gold standard of healthy fare. Between the salt content and the saturated fat, every time you eat at a deli you are one meal closer to dying. But then again, who wants to live in a world without lox and halvah? No one. That's who.
1) Offender: The Pastrami Reuben
Why it will kill you: The average reuben clocks in at over 12 grams of saturated fat--more than 60% of your daily intake. Can I get that with extra Russian dressing? And bypass surgery?
2) Offender: Halvah
Why it will kill you: This dense dessert is a calorie-bomb. A 3.5oz serving has nearly 500 calories--that's almost 25% of your daily caloric intake. It would take an obscene number of hours of prancercise to burn that off.
3) Offender: Knish
Why it will kill you: The seemingly harmless potato knish provides roughly 20% of your daily cholesterol and has no redeeming nutritional value. However, the knish's redeeming emotional value on a rainy day is well worth the cholesterol.
4) Offender: Pickle Assortment
Why it will kill you: Salt. So. Much. Salt. One dill pickle has nearly 50% of your daily sodium allotment. And who has just one pickle while waiting for their corned beef sandwich?
5) Offender: Cheese Blintzes
Why it will kill you: The cheese part of the blintz is loaded with artery-clogging goodness. Two blintzes (not including the black raspberry preserves and sour cream that you smother them in) help you reach half of your daily cholesterol limit.
6) Offender: Lox and Bagels
Why it will kill you: Lox and bagels are the holy trinity of heart-stopping food. The lox and capers are loaded with salt, the bagel is loaded with empty carbs, and the cream cheese is loaded with fat. Then again, your great grandma ate this every weekend and lived to be 95. How bad could it be?
7) Offender: Chocolate Rugelach
Why it will kill you: You can't eat just one. Clocking in at 100 calories per piece, rugelach, although lacking in nutritional value, is not intrinsically terrible. What makes this pastry dangerous is how well it goes with coffee. And one rugelach will not get you through a cup of coffee.
8) Offender: Sweet Noodle Kugel
Why it will kill you: The main ingredients are butter, sugar, cream cheese, noodles and eggs. Did I mention sugar? The 25 grams per serving is equivalent to 100% of your daily sugar allowance. Pancreas, be warned. Taste buds, rejoice!
9) Offender: Corned Beef on a Kaiser Roll
Why it will kill you: If you eat the entire sandwich (and unless you're one of those diligent doggy-baggers, you will) you will also eat more than one day's worth of sodium.
10) Offender: Kishka
Why it will kill you: Here is a description of how it's made-- a beef intestine is stuffed with flour, schmaltz (chicken fat), salt and spices. Then it's sliced, fried and served with gravy. 'Nuff said. It tastes like happiness and hedonism--my two favorite things.
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