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Wrestling with Wrestlemania

by Jeremy Fine

March 25, 2010 | 12:47 am

The Great Rabbino recently caught up with Colt Cabana to get his picks for this year’s Wrestlemania. Colt has been traveling the country wrestling and performing his comedy. I plan on hitting up a ROH Wrestling show as soon as possible. Big thanks and shout out to the funniest man in the wrestling business.
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Hello all my fellow Heebs. Can I say Heebs? I assume I can. So I will.
It’s me, you’re favorite Jewish WWE wrestler of all time, formerly Scotty Goldman, Colt “Boom Boom” Cabana.

Currently I’m traveling around the world as a professional wrestler and semi-professional comedian. I can be seen every Monday night wrestling for Ring of Honor (rohwrestling.com) on HDNet.
This coming weekend I’m going to be having three giant shows in Phoenix, Arizona. Friday and Saturday will be a great ROH doubleshot and Saturday night I’ll be on stage telling wrestling jokes with Mick Foley for Total Extreme Comedy (totalextremecomedy.com). The biggest event of the weekend though, of course, is WWE’s WRESTLEMANIA 26.

Jeremy Fine, The Great Rabbino himself picked up his shofar-phone and gave me a call. He wanted to know if I could bless all his fine fans with my WM 26 picks. I consider it a Mitzvah to do it. All I ask is you don’t blame me when you loose all your gelt money when I get the picks wrong! Am I getting too obvious jewey?!!?!...OYE…too easy….ok fine (Jeremy), here you go…

WWE Unified Tag Team Title Match
John Morrison & R-Truth vs. The Miz & Big Show
CC: I think this one’s easy. Morrison & Truth have kinda just been thrown together. I think they’ve done a great job on TV lately though trying to tell you that they’re a legitimate team, but a strong bet would be SHOWMIZ FTW.

Money in the Bank Ladder Match
Dolph Ziggler vs. Kane vs. Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. MVP vs.Jack Swagger vs. Matt Hardy vs. Evan Bourne vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Kofi Kingston
CC: I’d love for it to be my old roomie, Evan Bourne. He’s definitely gonna be the highlight of this match in more than many ways. In my mind it’s a toss up between Christian and McIntyre. Since they’re pushing Drew as the “star of tomorrow”, I’m gonna say Drew McIntyre wins and makes his push as the next WWE champion.

Triple H vs. Sheamus
CC: The firecrotch doesn’t stand a chance. HHH by a landslide.

Triple Threat Match
Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Ted DiBiase
CC: Some interesting ways to think this one. I would hope that Ted Dibiase would get a solid definitive win here and establish himself as the next break out star. Unfortunately, I’ve got a feeling Randy Orton beats them both up the whole match and then grabs himself and easy Wrestlemania victory.

WWE Title Match
John Cena vs. Batista
CC: I wanna make a lot of funny jokes about this one, but I wont. I’m gonna say John Cena stands tall at the end of this one.

World Heavyweight Title Match
Edge vs. Chris Jericho
CC: Edge has really never won the title in a straight up fashion. I think at WM26, Edge gets his first clean championship win. SPEAR!

Career vs. Streak Match
Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker
CC: I think Undertaker’s not quite ready to give his streak up. Shawn will “retire”, go find god aka vacation in Hawaii, and come back with Marty Jannetty for one last Rockers Reunion.

No Holds Barred Match
Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon
CC: Bret with a Sharpshooter.

Street Fight
CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio
If Mysterio loses, he must join the Straight Edge Society.
CC: I look forward to this one as it’s my boy Punk’s first high profile Wrestlemania match. Punk’s going to win. Mysterio will join the straight edge society, but he’ll get kicked out of both the SES and WWE when he’s found smokin hella weed with RVD in a Jimmy Johns parking lot in Tuscon, AZ.

Those are my picks.
Maybe they’ll be right on, maybe they’ll suck.
Let me know on TWITTER at @DRColtCabana.
Enjoy all of WM weekend and if you’re out there, stop by either TXC or ROH and say hi.
Thanks
COLT
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And Let Us Say…Amen.
-Jeremy Fine

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Rabbi Jeremy Fine is the Assistant Rabbi at Temple of Aaron in St. Paul MN. He was ordained from the Jewish Theological Seminary where he also received a Masters in Jewish...

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