September 27, 2011
Stop the Bargain Basement Price of Sex: No-Hovember
This weekend, the NY Post reported that the price of sex has dropped to record lows. Women are having sex sooner and have virtually stopped asking men to do anything in order to get it. The two most shocking statistics to me were that 25% of all women have sex with a man within the first week and then 30% of men report having sex with a woman without having to do anything to get it – as in not even a text message or phone call, let alone a full on date. This wouldn’t be a problem if this was what women want but the research points to the opposite. Women feel pressure to have sex earlier and earlier because they know it’s so easy for a man to get it from someone else. And men feel entitled to expect it because there are so many opportunities for them to have it. We all like to think we’re worth the wait of course but after one date can you expect a guy to realize you’re worth it? Especially when he can get a younger version of you with a great job and a banging body for practically free?
Well, I for one am sick of this. This is not men’s fault. This is a simple matter of the law of supply and demand. If there’s an oversupply of luxury goods that drives the price down, do we blame consumers for buying the goods at discount rates? Of course not. The only fix to the problem is to restrict supply. Luxury retailers consistently refuse to allow their products to be sold from certain big box stores in order to perpetuate the mystique and expensive aura that surrounds the product. So girls, I propose we do the same thing. Collectively.
I would like to propose No-HoVember. No-HoVember will drive back up the price of sex. We can model it after Movember which encourages men to grow mustaches for the month of November in an effort to raise money and awareness for prostate and other cancers that effect men and which has been wildly successful in just a few years. No-HoVember will insist that for the month of November, women refuse to sleep with someone NEW. So if he’s your husband or you’ve already slept with him before, the jig is up. But if you’ve never slept with him before, whether you’ve been on a few dates or you just meet him that night, don’t go home with him! And watch what happens when he has nowhere else to turn to get it. We can set up a webpage where you can register and pledge not to be a Ho for one month!
Imagine a world where for month, no single man could find a girl to have sex with. How many more girls do you think will get a returned phone call? How many more girls will be taken on a proper date? (Maybe we’ll even help the economy and boost the sales of flower retailers or restaurants!) I know this may be hard for some of you, but it can be done if we all band together! In Aristophanes’ play Lysistrata, women withhold sex until their husbands end a war and all I’m suggesting you wait for is a couple of dates! When did we start saying I’m not even worth a $10.99 dinner at Sizzler? I know the economy is really bad, but come on, you gotta think you’re worth at least one cheap date? If you’ve already been on a few dates and are really having trouble resisting, you can just tell him it’s for a good cause that you’ve pledged to support. After all, if you’re supporting his handlebar mustache for men’s health issues, he can support your efforts to help women’s issues. If you’re a person that has trouble resisting temptation, maybe No-HoVember could be a month you also grow out some…uhm…hair that you too normally might be trimming.
So who’s with me? Who will join me so we can watch the price of sex skyrocket? Who will join me in turning November into a month free of Hos?! If we don’t do something to stop the firesale on sex, soon we’re going to have to be giving it out in order to have a strange man hold the door open for us. Seriously, either all single women become hos or we do something to stop the falling prices. So this November, as our counterparts are growing out their facial hair to show solidarity against cancer, we too can be growing our own hair out to stand united against universal Hodom. As Ludacris so eloquently said “Who’s a Ho?” Take a good look in the mirror girls, because if you keep giving out those one night stands, “you the ho!” I choose No-Hodom. Will you? Answer the call, girls! Email, forward, register, and let’s get the message out that even in tough times, our dignity is not on sale! At least not during the one month of No-HoVember!