Jewish Journal


March 17, 2011

NPR’s Ronald Schiller is Hot!



My beloved NPR is in trouble as the House has voted to cut funding to NPR and CPB.  Ron Schiller’s part in this is now well-known – he was NPR’s chief fundraiser and was caught on tape recently by conservative activist James O’Keefe.  Not only did he have to resign, not only did NPR call his statements “appalling,” but NPR’s president Victoria Schiller (no-relation) also had to resign and the whole organization has just become a whipping post for the archetypal criticisms of public media that has become de rigeur from the Right.

But I have this to say to NPR – why oh why are you retreating with your head hanging so low?  I heard your tapes and you know what I think.  Ron Schiller sounds super hot!

Seriously, Ronnie sounds like a great guy and I’m worried I’m falling for him.  He says he’s worried that the “the current Republican Party, particularly the Tea Party, is fanatically involved in people’s personal lives and very fundamental Christian – I wouldn’t even call it Christian.  It’s this weird evangelical kind of move.”  A liberal who’s concerned about a party he clearly is not involved with.  Guess what Ronnie?  I also am constantly giving people my unsolicited opinion about other groups of people that have nothing to do with me.  Maybe we could do this together?

On the Tea Party, Ronnie says “it’s not just Islamaphoic, but really xenophobic, I mean basically they are, they believe in sort of white, middle-America, gun-toting.  I mean, it’s scary. They’re seriously racist, racist people.”  Well, Ronnie, I also try to hide my disdain for middle-America but constantly fail and always find it sneaks out from me when I think I’m amongst like-minded friends.  Let’s be self-righteous about the majority of our country together!

Then Ronnie says “I think what we all believe is if we don’t have Muslim voices in our schools, on the air… it’s the same thing we faced as a nation when we didn’t have female voices.”  I like that when speaking to some very devout Muslims, you tell them that ignoring Islamic voices is similar to when America ignored female voices.  While devout Muslims are not necessarily well-known for advocating women’s rights, I like that you don’t shy away from this issue and drop a sort of underhanded reminder about it!  I’m always attracted to smart boys.

Ronnie says that NPR “would be better off in the long run without federal funding.”  Here, he’s just wrong but the thing is he’s so stubborn about his own opinion, he doesn’t care what the truth is.  Another man who can’t admit he’s wrong.  While I hate arguing with a man like this, I usually end up attracted to these types of men because I hate pushovers even more.  So being doggedly determinedly wrong sort of makes you even hotter.

Ronnie has a Bachelor of Arts in Linguistics from Cornell University.  He’s clearly over-educated and not putting his degree to use which I always fall for (don’t ask how many surfers with masters degrees I know).

He’s gay which means he would be another man in a long line of men emotionally unavailable that I seem to date.

He’s also a bit of a foodie, ordering a risotto for lunch at the Georgetown restaurant, Milano’s.  As a foodie myself, I love going out to eat and I feel like perhaps we have the same taste in restaurant.  He even goes on and on for five minutes about how he has recently discovered Madeira wine and why it is better than Port or Sherry.  Now I’ve been looking for someone for a longtime who is snobbier than me so that I can stop feeling like a snob.  Could it be I’ve finally found the one in Ronnie?

All in all, this guy sounds like an emotionally unavailable liberal erudite arrogant jerk and I just don’t date anything else.  Call me Ronnie!

Tamara Shayne Kagel is a writer living in Santa Monica, CA. To find out more about her, visit www.tamarashaynekagel.com and follow her on twitter @tamaraskagel. © Copyright 2011.

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