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December 21, 2010 | 10:30 am

The Dump Redux

Posted by Tamara Shayne Kagel


Since my last blog post, I’ve received all sorts of responses about how and when and whom to dump.  A male friend of mine challenged my opinion, saying that after one or two or dates, it wouldn’t be appropriate to have a formal “it’s over talk” and I had to concede this is true.

Personally, even if it’s just one or two dates, I will always recommend a lame excuse like things are complicated with my ex right now or I just need to focus on work and I can’t get together for the foreseeable future so that there’s clear closure, but I concede this isn’t mandatory.

But I’ve also had a number of girlfriends confirm to me that time and time again, they’ve found themselves in the position of dating much further than two dates and being dumped by absentee ballot.  So I thought perhaps, instead of just complaining, I could offer up some suggestions about when and how to call it quits.  This is by no means an exhaustive or strict list but I offer it as a start.

This is when you’re off the hook A.K.A. not returning even a text message is allowable

If you’ve been on two or less dates with no physical contact or
If you have had No sex or
If she has done something totally insane or
If you’ve never been out on formal dates or
If she walked out of the date.

This is when we expect a text message (at bare minimum)

If you’re set up by a common friend/boss/person you both will see or
If you’ve led her on or
If you’ve had sex or
If you’ve left something at her apartment or
If you’ve had three or four dates regardless of physical contact.

This is when you really should call

If she’s met any of your family or
If you’ve borrowed money from her or
If you’ve driven her car
If you’ve made out (really anything more than a goodnight kiss) or
If you’ve been dating for three months or longer or
If you were friends first.

This is when you have to do it face-to-face

If either party has ever called the other girlfriend/boyfriend in front of the other or
If you’ve had the DTR (define the relationship) talk and decided to be exclusive or
If you’ve had the DTR and decided to keep dating and not be exclusive (yes just the talk merits more)
If either party has ever side I love you.

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