Jewish Journal

Rules For Dating Occupy Wall Street Protestors

by Tamara Shayne Kagel

October 31, 2011 | 3:36 pm

I was downtown recently and stopped by the Occupy LA protests.  My heart is with the Occupy Wall Street protesters and I truly believe they may bring about positive changes in our political system.  But on a lighter note, I also noticed that there seemed to be a lot of new friendships/relationships that were emerging from the movement.  Hence, here is some advice for dating Occupy LA Protesters:

1. If you are older than 35, you are too old to be hitting on anyone there.
2. Don’t focus on more complicated issues like the fact that less than 50% of Black men will graduate from high school, instead focus on white college-kid protest issues like how recent grads have to take low-paying jobs out of college that don’t utilize their liberal arts degrees.
3. Dress Like a Hipster (ironic t-shirts, skinny pants, vintage clothing, Ray-Bans, American Apparel). Also, police brutality bruises are in - flaunt ‘em wherever on your body they are.
4. Remember that if you’re white and participating in a protest, no you still don’t have enough street credit to use the N-word.
5. The woman passed out on the bench, has not been roofied.  (Skid Row is nearby and organizers are giving out free food).
6. This isn’t some sort of 60’s lovein.  Protest girls still expect you to make some sort of effort.  Your tent or mine, isn’t going to cut it.  And I’m already sick of you can occupy me lines.
7. If your boyfriend has dreads and you are a white USC student, expect him to get arrested and possibly beaten while you are given a lecture about the trees on the lawn.
8. Change your Facebook profile pic to a picture of you holding up a protest sign, preferably while hugging Tom Morello.
9. Beware your hook-ups may end up on tv.  MTV is filming a new reality series of True Life: I’m Occupying Wall Street so choose wisely if you’re occupying in the bedroom. 
10. Never admit that you secretly would jump at the chance to date a hot 1 percenter.

Tamara Shayne Kagel is a writer living in Santa Monica, CA. To find out more about her, visit www.tamarashaynekagel.com and follow her on twitter @tamaraskagel. © Copyright 2011.

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Tamara Shayne Kagel is a twenty-something fixture on the Los Angeles scene currently living in Santa Monica.  Currently, Tamara is a successful freelance writer (just ask her...

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