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Catching Up

by Tamara Shayne Kagel

June 10, 2011 | 3:14 am

I apologize for the delay in posting.  I’ve been plagued by a few things lately.  I graduated law school, had a birthday, have been out of town in Coachella then Mexico and then Iowa.  But the truth is, the reason I haven’t posted anything lately is I’m in a new relationship – more than that, I’m in love.  For only the second time in my life, I am truly madly deeply in love – and I’m afraid to write about it.  The whole time I’ve been blogging about dating, I always said that real life was more important to me than my writing – that if it came down to relationship or a particular writing project, I would pick relationship.  But what does that mean?  No one wants to think they pick their job over their boyfriend.  But it doesn’t present itself to you in a black and white binary option.  Is writing about him completely off limits?  Is just writing bad things about him off limits?  If he doesn’t want to be included at all can I even mention my relationship?  It’s the little choices, that we don’t even realize we’re making day in and day out that determine whether we’re choosing our relationships or our careers.  And so I haven’t written anything about him.  I told myself I would bring it up to him first and talk to him about how to deal with it.  But I haven’t done that yet either.  Instead, I’m choosing now to write about it first, before talking about it.  Does that mean I’ve already chosen my blog over him?  It’s all scary.  All choices seem wrong.  But I’ve got to do something – and this is what I chose.  I’m a writer who writes about herself.  I can’t sacrifice all of that for someone.  But should I?

Most girls I know would say that their family comes first.  But I’ve only been dating Mr. Dreamboat for three and a half months to be precise.  Is that long enough to sacrifice certain career choices for?  Won’t every woman I know judge me and scoff and say how can you sacrifice yourself for some guy you’ve barely been dating?  But what if he’s more than just a guy I date?  It feels pretty serious right now and the relationship is better than anything I had dared hope for.  Isn’t that worth considering when choosing whether or not to possibly violate his privacy for?  And don’t I owe him some privacy anyway?  My family has already had some pretty serious talks with me about things that I’ve written about that have been embarrassing or caused strife within their social circle.  How does Howard Stern do it?

Without making much of a decision, I think I’ve decided this.  I’m going to continue to write about me.  That means some of it will include writing about us.  Mr. Dreamboat’s not really much of a blog reader so I’m not really worried about him reading what I’m writing.  I know you think that is completely impossible and for most people you’re probably right but trust me on this when I tell you, he’s probably one of the few people left on earth who is not desperate to read other people’s opinion of himself.  (I told him one of his best qualities was that he doesn’t really know what Twitter is.)  But I don’t want to use him as fodder either.  That means sacrificing attention and material for something I consider more sacred – putting him and my relationship first.  I don’t know if I will succeed.  But I know I have to try.



Tamara Shayne Kagel is a writer living in Santa Monica, CA. To find out more about her, visit www.tamarashaynekagel.com and follow her on twitter @tamaraskagel. © Copyright 2011.

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