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Woody Allen is fitted for a new suit by robot Jewish tailors. Ginsberg & Cohen, Computerized Fittings, Since 2073. From 'Sleeper'
"It starts when you open your eyes in the morning. Maybe you're awakened by the sounds of random gunfire, or the howling of souls being cast into the lake of fire," Kutner writes. "But at least it's not that godawful clock-radio buzzer."
Everybody keeps asking me whether George Carlin was Jewish. "I heard he was related to the Karlin-Stoliner rebbe," a colleague said.
A New York native, Robert Smigel said he never really planned to become a writer. After failing as a pre-dental student, Smigel moved on to writing and performing improv in Chicago for the Players Workshop of The Second City, where he met fellow "SNL" writers Conan O'Brien and Bob Odenkirk.
So what can you say about a 44-year-old comedian who died? That she leaves a certain legacy of laughter, through the efforts of her brother, to those who never heard of her.
Aragon was a notorious fighter who relished packing the Grand Olympic Auditorium downtown and bringing the crowd to its feet, not with cheering but raucous booing.
Major manufacturers think that all they have to do is make the product pink to win us over. But, you won't find many women lost in a gooey haze over the latest inventions or upgrades until corporate America comes up with things that will make their lives simpler and easier. Herewith a catalog that would really make a gal swoon:
Political cartoon.
'Miriam' and 'Shoshana' live in the Pico-Robertson area. They're seniors at a religious girls' school, they study Torah, dress modestly and keep the Sabbath. But Miriam and Shoshana are not your ordinary Orthodox girls. They rap. They use foul language. They fantasize about professional wrestler Bill Goldberg. And they head up a dreidel-rolling gang. The two faux frumsters are the comedic creations of Kara Luiz and Deena Adar.
It's been said that when it comes to raising children, the days go slow and the years go fast. As I find myself in the thick of planning my second son's bar mitzvah, these words ring all too true.
You think you have it bad? What about your rabbi, who has to work weeks -- no, months -- to prepare a High Holy Days Sermon. You think it's easy writing a speech that people will remember for the rest of the year? Well, then, why don't you and a friend write your very own with our MadLibs [R] version. First ask your partner to supply the missing words. Then read the completed sermon aloud ... and enjoy.
So you've trained all summer in order to show off that tight body at the beach. Well, as the High Holy Days roll around, impressing the opposite sex seems less and less important. Now it's time to show off your Judaism at shul so you can impress your rabbi. And if your rabbi is a member of the opposite sex, you can't lose.
Condescension and shame make a toxic combination. As I read "My Holocaust, "howling -- but aching -- through page after page of relentlessly acerbic comedy, I was reminded of Masada and the Grand Canyon and found myself wondering: what makes good satire?
My Midwest friends started tying the knot at 19. Some of them had been double knotted by the time they were 25. I, on the other hand, waited until I was 35 to tie the knot for the first time, and my husband, Aaron, who is 11 years older than me, took his initial walk down the aisle at age 46, with salt-and-pepper hair and laugh lines under the eyes. Although I would not necessary recommend waiting for Social Security, there are many big benefits of marrying later in life.
American Israeli writer-actress Iris Bahr says she is fascinated with Russian culture and created Maksimovsrskaya (whose name grows weekly as an inside joke) over the years on stage, on screen and on air. At the invitation of KCRW general manager Ruth Seymour, Bahr has developed her into a regular radio character for "Social Studies," a four-minute rapid-fire satire segment that runs locally on KCRW during NPR's "All Things Considered."
So I read this season's selection of books with perhaps a different eye and an increased curiosity. There are serious books about Jewish mothers, lighthearted books, how-to volumes and memoirs and some manage to cross categories. Some offer knowing advice, others observations and jokes. The best are those that are open, honest and wise, not preachy or sentimental.
I know now the bar mitzvah ceremony didn't instantly make me a man, but if I am one today, after 10 years, its because of the lessons I learned throughout the entire experience.
It took eight decades, but at last I know what is meant by "second childhood."
Is Imus a racist? Does complicity in negative Jewish stereotyping make one an anti-Semite? Is the point to just label the other guy and move on? If we're going to beam a little light unto the nations, Jews should take the lead in reversing the progressive vulgarizing of entertainment, and that work begins at home.
Even though I can readily explain the concept of the World to Come ("Did you hear the one about the rabbi in heaven posted next to the blonde in the bikini?"), eschatology isn't my really my strong point, and I'm not sure it's the point of Judaism.
Buchwald always had a marvelous relationship with colleagues, readers and aspiring writers. Many stories tell of his availability, his phone number listed in the Washington directory and his invitations to aspiring writers to have coffee, bagels and talk.
A classically trained pianist who didn't write his first song until he was 24, Friedman thrives on intensive research -- whether it's the hundreds of interviews that form the basis of The Civilians' plays, or historical research for "Bloody Bloody" -- and draws musical inspiration from a seemingly limitless range of styles.
When Peter Saraf signed on to co-produce the film, "Little Miss Sunshine," he says he did so without hesitation. The script, about a dysfunctional family's road trip, spoke to him immediately, and he was proud to bring his great-aunt and great-uncle to see it.
What's funny to Sarah? And does she tell racist jokes? Well, she does use the 'C' word
Who doesn't love old Jewish comedians? Those mamzers of mirth and halutzim of humor who paved the road from the Catskills to Vegas as first-generation entertainers.
We've all been there.
You go to the store, turn on the TV or pick up a catalogue and see something incredibly silly that you never in a million years would buy for yourself (it's also called a "guilty pleasure"). But you can always say you are buying it for someone else. So in the grand tradition of the Pet Rock, the Moses action figure and the snow cone machine, The Journal presents the Chanukah gifts you really want but won't admit it.
"The Big Book of Jewish Humor" is a treasury of recent comic quotes, classic Jewish jokes, and selections from great comic writers from Sholom Aleichem to Israel Zangwill, from Woody Allen to Allen Sherman, from Groucho Marx, S.J. Perelman and George Kaufman to Saul Bellow, Philip Roth and Bernard Malamud, from Bruce Jay Freedman to Lenny Bruce, Leo Rosten and Sam Levenson.
Of all the regular columns in The Jewish Journal, I enjoy the Singles column the most. You know, the one typically written by a 30-something still out there, searching for
Mr. or Ms. Right.
Some women would argue that your expectations should go down the longer you are single. I say a deal breaker is a deal breaker, and the fact that you have turned 28
for several years in a row doesn't mean you should dismiss core things you want in a guy.
The retirement of Rabbi Moshe Rothblum after 35 years on the bimah at Adat Ari El.
"Jewtopia: The Chosen Book for the Chosen People"
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Most of the anti-Semitic mail I get these days doesn't concern Israel, Hollywood or even the threat of a nuclear war in the Middle East -- it's about meat.
One of the great joys of L.A. jazz, from the mid-1970s to the mid-'80s, was the blossoming of jazz pianist Dave Frishberg into a singer-songwriter of quirky, yet warmly satisfying, material.
Parshat Vaetchanan (Deuteronomy 3:23-7:11) God tells Moses that although he's faithfully led His people through the desert these past 40 years, and although the Jews are now standing at the very border of the Holy Land, Moses himself will never be allowed entry, and will die and
"Brick walls are there for a reason," wrote the late Dr. Randy Pausch, author of the best-selling book, "The Last Lecture."
The Rev. Rick Warren of Saddleback Church will hold back-to-back public conversations this Saturday, Aug. 16, with the two presumptive presidential
candidates, Sen. Barack Obama and Sen. John McCain. The conversations, on the topic of "Compassion and Leadership," will be