Jewish Journal


May 4, 2010

Teens with marijuana


from Cindy from Hollywood

I drove my boyfriend’s 15 year old son to a party when his father was out of town. Later, when I picked him up. He told me about the smoking, booze and marijuana going on.  What am I supposed to do with this information?  He’s not my son or even my stepson.


The fact that this adolescent trusts you to share this information with you says a great deal about the trust that he has in you.  I feel strongly that you have an obligation to share this information with his father.  I would say this whether you were his wife or as you’ve described currently, his girlfriend, but he has a right to know and decide how he best wants to respond to his son.


I disagree to some extent with Dr. Rick.  I feel this boy has reached out to you to be able to talk with you and to tell his dad might cut off that line of communication.  However, the father probably does need to know so I would approach the boy to tell him that you are uncomfortable withholding this information and see what he says.  This might lead to a fruitful discussion especially if you got his dad to talk to his son without going ballistic.

Our Advice

Rick believes that the woman’s primary loyalty must be to the father and does not believe that the adolescent be given the power to decide what information is conveyed to his dad. Marcia thinks you chance that the boy will hide everything he does in the future from any adult period.  We both believe the best result would be an open conversation between dad and son mediated by the dad’s girlfriend who sounds caring and concerned.

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