Jewish Journal


September 1, 2010

Marital Communication


From Carmen

My husband & I have been fighting. It started a week ago as I got up to leave the table in protest of his negative comments. We fought over our children.  I think he behaved poorly when he didn’t come home from a party when our son was injured in a sports event and required a hospital visit.  I felt this was a blow to my son and I was very disappointed and angry.  I let him have it when we got home from the hospital. I then wrote him a letter expressing how I felt and I asked why he thought he had done nothing wrong. His response was I am not ready to discuss it”. I have a BIG problem with this.  What do you suggest I do from here?

Dear Carmen:

Both Marcia and Dr. Rick are sorry that you are so frustrated.  It is impossible for us to tell whether this is a particular situation that is upsetting you or if it is part of a larger problem between you and your husband.  It sounds as if you and your husband might have a big communications issue.  Whether that’s true or not, we think the obvious direction is for the two of you to revisit the circumstance in a calm, quiet moment, where hopefully you can both acknowledge each other’s feelings and concerns and move forward from there. Here’s an important relationship fact.  When you let somebody “have it”, the predictable response is going to be somebody who pulls away.  In the long term this is a recipe for marital strife. If this is a recurrent issue between you two, then we suggest that you consider some marital therapy.  Learning to talk to each other without recriminations goes a long way in helping couples to air their troubles.

Best wishes
Marcia and Dr. Rick

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