May 17, 2010 | 10:45 am

My teenage kids hate my girlfriend

Posted by Marcia and Dr. Rick

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Josh from Newport Beach

I’ve met a woman who really makes me happy.  But my teenage kids hate her.  I really can’t stand having to be in the middle.  Sometimes I think it would be better just to be alone without a love interest.  Should I stay in the relationship or go and find someone after the kids are out of the house.

Rick
Unless you could find some valid reason for your teenagers disdain for the woman you are seeing, I would encourage you to not allow them to control your right to have a partner in your life.  While I can readily understand the mixture of feelings that they have, their attitude probably has more to do with the loss of their family than their dislike of your friend.  They are probably displacing much of their hurt and anger onto the wrong person. Forge On

Marcia
I can speak from experience that being the woman in this triangle is really tough.  What I would want from a man in this situation is the unequivocal support that our relationship is important to him, as are his children, but that there needs to be a willingness for all parties involved to sit down together to make the relationships clear.  I understand why children want to keep their parents to themselves, but the father in this case really needs to make it understood to his kids that his happiness is also important and they might have a lot to gain in allowing his new partner into their lives.

Marcia and Rick
We seem to be in agreement.  We would like to include that if in fact you have a family powwow, you should use it to define the expectations and boundaries for all involved.  Both of us agree this is not up for a vote based on what the teenagers would like best.

May 13, 2010 | 10:44 am

Husband’s love letter

Posted by Marcia and Dr. Rick

Sarah from Agoura Hills

I found a love letter on my husband’s computer that was written to an employee of our small business.  He might not have sent it to her but what do I do?  Fire her? Confront him?

Marcia
Clearly there’s a problem in your marriage. And from the sound of it -  there may be many problems.  You discovered a letter by snooping so already it tells me you have a trust issue with your husband.  And you found what you probably were looking for, a letter that most likely tells you that your husband is being somewhat unfaithful.  So it’s time to talk turkey with your husband and after you do that, if you want to save this marriage you go and get some professional help to find out how to resurrect your relationship.

Rick
I would agree with Marcia that there is no other alternative then to have a very direct conversation with your husband telling him how hurt and disappointed you are by this letter you discovered.  The primary issue is whether this is a marriage worth saving and the two of you need to confront how you got to this pivotal moment.

Our advice
Get help now.

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May 4, 2010 | 1:30 pm

Teens with marijuana

Posted by Marcia and Dr. Rick

from Cindy from Hollywood

I drove my boyfriend’s 15 year old son to a party when his father was out of town. Later, when I picked him up. He told me about the smoking, booze and marijuana going on.  What am I supposed to do with this information?  He’s not my son or even my stepson.

Rick

The fact that this adolescent trusts you to share this information with you says a great deal about the trust that he has in you.  I feel strongly that you have an obligation to share this information with his father.  I would say this whether you were his wife or as you’ve described currently, his girlfriend, but he has a right to know and decide how he best wants to respond to his son.

Marcia

I disagree to some extent with Dr. Rick.  I feel this boy has reached out to you to be able to talk with you and to tell his dad might cut off that line of communication.  However, the father probably does need to know so I would approach the boy to tell him that you are uncomfortable withholding this information and see what he says.  This might lead to a fruitful discussion especially if you got his dad to talk to his son without going ballistic.

Our Advice

Rick believes that the woman’s primary loyalty must be to the father and does not believe that the adolescent be given the power to decide what information is conveyed to his dad. Marcia thinks you chance that the boy will hide everything he does in the future from any adult period.  We both believe the best result would be an open conversation between dad and son mediated by the dad’s girlfriend who sounds caring and concerned.

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