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May 17, 2013

Excuses

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I'm sorry I haven't blogged in a month. I've been super busy.


I got stung by a bee. It's been so long I didn't know bees still did that. It wasn't even sunny; it was cold and overcast. Out of nowhere this dumb bee landed on the side of my foot. As soon as I felt the pinch, I yelled, “Bee!” My girlfriend bent over and flicked the bee from my ankle into a near by bush. She pulled out the stinger with her own fingers. I read that a good way to treat the sting is to put honey on the wound. Seems like a great way to get stung again.


I visited my sister and brother-in-law, and my 16 month old niece, Dylan. It was the first time my girlfriend met everyone. Dylan projectile vomited on Brian. Ariel tried to help, but Brian was upset that she didn't help more quickly. We didn't need to order pay-per-view to see the fight of the year: Ariel Vs Brian. And what a fight it was; just a few curse words short of a custody battle. My girlfriend and I sat on the couch trying to focus on the TV. Brian first came over to us and said “I'm sorry about this.” Then Ariel came by, “I'm sorry. This is not fun for you.” I didn't understand why they were aplogizing to us. "Shouldn't you be apologizing to each other?" My girlfriend was stressed. “I hate when people fight.” I was relieved. “For once it's not us.”


I stopped myself from yelling during the Stanley Cup Playoffs while Dylan was sleeping. After Orpik's Overtime goal in game 6 advancing the Penguins to the 2nd round, I wanted to wake Dylan up, carry her around on my shoulders while slapping together two giant foam fingers. Instead I texted my friend, Goldstein.


I posted a Youtube video playing the part of a Britsh waiter while  Dylan was eating. I highlighted specials such as Cornish Game Hen and Beef Bourngion. “And for dessert, our house special, a mushy banana.”


I started bench pressing 135lbs. My record is two sets of five. I feel like the strongest guy in the gym until after I'm done when I cannot peform a single push up.


I helped my friend Todd edit his Match.com profile. I told him which of his pictures I liked the best. I wasn't sure how to compliment him other than saying “That looks a lot like you.”


I accepted a Linkedin request from someone who is interested in joining my company. He sent me a message about scheduling a call. I was going to write him back but he wants a lot more money than we can probably pay him. If you are seeing this, Robert, you need to deal drugs if you want that kind of money.


I started managing my first employee. While training Paul I have spent as much time trying to make him laugh as I have introducing him to the demands of the job. To make cold calling fun, I gave Paul a Snickers and told him that we would be making a “Chocolate Call.” I told him once we both start chewing the candy bar we will hop on the phone. He asked if I was serious. He told me he did not want to do that. I told him he didn't have to.


I am trying to be the “cool boss.” I told Paul that I don't care when he gets to the office as long as it's before 8am. He told me he needs a week off this summer for his wedding. I politely said, “That's not going to work for me.” I told him about the local courthouse. “That's why you have a lunch break.”


I wasn't going to blog again for a while but my girlfriend and Todd made me feel guilty on Gchat at the same time. Those two are the only one's that noticed I stopped blogging. That's why I love the Jewish Journal. They are the only Jewish people I know not all up in my business.

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