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Still Dating Elliot Steingart

by Elliot Steingart

July 26, 2012 | 7:50 am

Boyfriend

Elliot is on vacation this week and asked me to guest write his blog again.  I have been dating Elliot for nearly four months now and I am crazy about him, though our relationship does come with its share of challenges.

Elliot and I live in the same neighborhood not three blocks from each other.  This is very convenient for when we want to spend time together but not as much when we need our space.  Hanging out night after night is exciting at first but can get old, especially when he wants to watch “Polyamory” on Showtime, or “Jack and Jill.”  Even when we try to spend time apart we see each other.  Like running into each other last Friday in the Albertson’s parking lot before heading off to separate social engagements. 

When two strong personalities date, they often clash.  Elliot calls it “being on a different wavelength.”  Often, being the laid back and mellow guy that he is, he wants to “chill.”  I don’t “chill.”  I am very energetic and often very hyper and this annoys him.  I get just as annoyed during the chill times too.  For example, Elliot and I often make plans to go out after work.  Being the businessman he is, Elliot spends his days making deals and negotiating which can wear a man out.  When the time comes to go to the fancy dinner, or the outside movie, Elliot will start negotiating with me.

“Liv, I’m tired.”
“OK.”
“Doesn’t my couch feel nice?”
“Yes, Elliot.”
“Want to just order in?”

This often results in death stares from my direction.  The secret I have discovered however is that Elliot will always get a second wind, whether it be from a Michael Jackson dance around the apartment complete with crotch grab or a clip of comedy on YouTube.  I just have to be patient during the chill times and have faith in the second wind. 

Elliot can’t help it, but oftentimes, his stomach is a source of trouble for him (please see http://www.jewishjournal.com/some_reservations/item/irritable_week_syndrome_20120118/). 
I would never blame him for this, but it has put us in some uncomfortable situations.  Picture a sunset dinner overlooking beautiful Mono Lake, CA.  Everything was right, the food, the company and the wine.  However, after half of a delectable filet mignon, Elliot gave me a pained look and said “my stomach.”  I spent the next 30 minutes waiting in the lobby of The Inn at Mono Lake hoping he hadn’t fallen in.  Mind you, there was one bathroom for the whole restaurant. They should have changed the name from restroom to “Elliot.”

Things got extra hairy on the 4th of July.  The memories of his issues with beef weeks before had long faded away and he decided to cook me Steingart burgers.  They were delicious and after consuming them we headed out on a hike up through Griffith Park to catch the whole cities fireworks.  As dusk settled on Los Angeles, I turned to Elliot and he gave me that same look I had seen at the Mono Inn.  This time, the situation was serious with no bathroom for over two miles according to my iPhone.  I knew I had to get us safely down the mountain.  I acted like a life coach, pep talks and all.  Finally, I saw the streetlights at the trail head like a light at the end of the IBS tunnel and just when I thought we were out of the woods my boyfriend went running back into the shrubbery of Griffith yelling “I just can’t make it.”  The end of romance really came when I heard about how he left his underwear in the park.

In conclusion, I still like Elliot as much as I did when I met him, scratch that, ten times more.  And as he flies off the to the other side of the country I already miss him.  But a few days away from each other, and from Albertson’s, is sure to do this relationship good. 

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Elliot Steingart is a Los Angeles based comedian and writer who hosts a monthly comedy show, “Melgard Mondays” at Melgard Public House. Steingart has written jokes for...

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