Jewish Journal


Meet the Steingarts

by Elliot Steingart

September 27, 2012 | 10:44 am

It's never easy meeting a boyfriend or girlfriend's parents. I introduced my girlfriend to my parents the weekend before Yom Kippur. I just couldn't wait for judgement day. I experienced anxiety before meeting her parents and that was just for dinner. Our day would start at 11am and last well into the night. What did we do all day? What did my girlfriend think of my parents? What did my parents think of my girlfriend?

Here's the recap!

---Negotiating at yard sale for night stand for girlfriend and then asking dad for money to purchase night stand
--Girlfriend walking up after negotiation took place and shaking parents hands
--Deciding we should walk down to the hill to Hollywood Blvd to try on eye glases
--Girlfriend feeling shy about holding my hand in front of my parents marking first time in history of our relationship she has felt shy
--Searching unsuccessfully for Monopoly at Goodwill
--Girlfriend and parents ganging up on me to buy a microwave
--My mom holding up a Malbec at Cap N Cork Liquor shouting “This is $5 more than what we paid in San Diego”
--Hearing my mom say, “it's not this hot in San Diego”
--Sampling each others beers at Umami Burger. “This tastes like a Banana,” said my mom
--Girlfriend recalling that during our beer tasting she realized that her favorite beer was wine
--Trusting girlfriend's directions to the Grammy Museum
--Spotting ABC 7's George Pinacchio on Red Carpet at LA Live rehearsing for Emmy's and thinking of asking him to interview my girlfriend to see what she thought of my parents
--Pointing out Beach Boys exhibit and showing girlfriend handwritten lyrics to “God Only Knows.”
--Dad rapping along with Jermaine Dupri in interactive Grammy Museum Exhibit
--Girlfriend crying after hearing Whitney Houston sing Star Spangled Banner at 1991 Super Bowl
--Mom, girlfriend and I ordering mixed drinks at Mohawk Bend, the best beer bar on the East Side
--Narrowing our dinner options down between Mess Hall and Home
--On way to Home announcing executive descision to dine at Farfalla
--Executive decision to dine at Farfalla shot down by girlfriend and parents
--Seeing girlfriend's roommate and her friends at the table behind us at Home
--Girlfriend explaining her Norwegian ancestry to my parents. My dad saying he knows someone who is married to someone from Norway
--Girlfriend explaining she is a quarter hispanic
--My dad almost ordering shrimp appetizer so he could give girlfriend final shrimp
--Restraining myself from asking my mom and dad “So, do you like her?” when she went to the bathroom
--Opening bottle of wine that girlfriend and I selected at our wine tasting. Hearing my mom and dad agree that it needs to breathe.
--Leaf falling from tree into my dad's salad
--Sitting outside having gelatto hearing my girlfriend and parents discuss old movies like North by Northwest
--Not sharing as much Gelatto as I could
--Returning to my apartment to play men vs. women Electronic Categories
--Girlfriend giving clue "Something that you slice and toast" and hearing my mom guess "Cake" (answer was cornbread)
--Motioning to my lap during Electonic Categories and having my dad guess, “Penis.” (answer was lap of luxury)
--Mom saying girlfriend has great personality, very sure of herself with lots of interests
--Girlfriend telling me parents are very cute and couldn't believe how much they like spending time with each other
--Me telling my girlfriend and parents what the other said

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How sweet!! It is very exciting the first time your folks meet your girlfreind!! It sounds like it was a long day. Which is good. If the day was short then, that would be a bad sign!! Good blog, I am glad I found it. Thanks!!

Comment by dawn not your girlfriend's mother on 10/01/12 at 4:43 pm

I like when you comment, Dawn. I feel like I’m writing to my pen pal.

Comment by elliot on 10/01/12 at 5:06 pm




Elliot Steingart is a Los Angeles based comedian and writer who hosts a monthly comedy show, “Melgard Mondays” at Melgard Public House. Steingart has written jokes for...

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