Jewish Journal

Mind Clear

By Elliot Steingart

February 22, 2013 | 3:36 pm

Stopping thoughts

Due to stress, I can’t fall asleep. I don’t want to use Ambien, Melatonin, or alcohol to put me out. I’m counting on a mantra.

Repeating a mantra is a helpful way to gain inner peace. I... read on

  • Courage Under Fire

    By Elliot Steingart

    February 13, 2013 | 2:03 pm

    Sometimes I feel like people are out to get me. My courage was tested this week, not once but twice. The first time involved dropping off shirts at Celebrity Cleaners.

    “Is this your first time here?” asked the Persian girl behind the desk.

    “I've been here once before.” I said.... read on

  • Campus Visit

    By Elliot Steingart

    February 1, 2013 | 1:38 pm

     Every couple of years it’s nice to go back to the institution that now refers to me as “Borrower.”  I owe it to my alma mater, UC Santa Cruz. Stepping foot on a college campus now that I’m 28 makes me appreciate how far I have come.

    On a recent visit my girlfriend and I... read on

  • Parents Weekend

    By Elliot Steingart

    January 23, 2013 | 9:52 pm

    Last week was like any other except it was the week I was going to stay at my boyfriend's parents house for the weekend.  It wasn't the first meeting.They had visited us in Los Angeles a few months prior and we had had a great day of activities (please see Meet the Steingarts). 

    ... read on
  • Trying to Listen

    By Elliot Steingart

    January 18, 2013 | 11:42 am

    For a pretty good talker, I kind of suck at listening. My girlfriend has made me understand this point more clearly. We frequently play a game where I ask her what her plans are to which she responds, “I already told you.”

    She dismisses me by saying, “you don’t care.”

    The truth... read on

  • Sharing Beds

    By Elliot Steingart

    January 11, 2013 | 10:18 am

    My girlfriend and I see things differently. When I use her Netflix account she tells me I'm mooching. I get that she doesn't like me using her account out of fear that I will tweak her preferences. She wants recommendations for “Critically-Acclaimed Cerebral Crime Dramas” not the... read on

  • Fowl Language

    By Elliot Steingart

    January 4, 2013 | 11:52 am

    My girlfriend and I fought for the first time in 2013 over the crispiness of chicken wings. 

    “You might want to put the other wings in the pan to get them crispier,” I advised.

    “That’s it,” she scowled. “I’m never cooking for you again.”

    Forget the contentious drumstick vs... read on

  • My First Christmas

    By Elliot Steingart

    December 28, 2012 | 10:01 am

    When my girlfriend invited me to church on Christmas Eve I hid under the kitchen table hoping she would not find me. She did, however. With no way out, I agreed to celebrate Christmas for the first time. If Jesus could make a sacrifice, I could too.

    I didn't go home for Hannukah... read on

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Elliot Steingart is a Los Angeles based comedian and writer who hosts a monthly comedy show, “Melgard Mondays” at Melgard Public House. Steingart has written jokes for...

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