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Singles

The 5 biggest mistakes women make in their JDate online profiles

I am back on JDate! (And just in case you’re a Jewish single woman — or the mom/grandmother/parole officer of a cute single Jewish woman looking for a fun, slightly neurotic and mind-numbingly sexy man … my JDate screen name is VICTORSTUART.)

My Single Peeps: Barbara H.

Barbara, 36, grew up in Boca Raton — interestingly, in one of the only areas of Boca with very few Jews. “We were one of 10 Jewish kids in my elementary school. We were on the countryside of Boca — the west-west-westside.

My Single Peeps: Becca M.

Becca is a close friend. My daughter, Sydney, saw me hug her hello one day and said, “Becca’s your best friend.” I felt a little pushed into it, but maybe she’s right. We’re BFFs — best friends forever. And Sydney knew before we did.

My Single Peeps: Elyse G.

Elyse, 43, is a freelancer for this magazine — but that doesn’t mean she was coerced into being interviewed for My Single Peeps. At least as far as I know. I’ve never met a single person at the office. I write from home. Maybe it’s a tyrannical organization. All I know is she showed up to meet me, and she seemed interested in genuinely finding love.

My Single Peeps: Jesse B.

Jesse is a guy in his 30s whom I’ve been nodding at for years. We’re both actors and we’re often auditioning for the same commercials. We see each other and give a nod, or mumble a hello, before looking at our lines or busying ourselves with something on our phones.

David Henry G.

David, 27, seems to be brimming with confidence. He’s got a good, deep voice, and he’s still when he speaks. I fidget. My fingers or toes are generally wiggling, and I shift my position constantly. It suddenly dawns on me — I’m jealous. Why can’t I be as sure of myself?

My Single Peeps: Francesca L.

Francesca, a British woman I’m pegging to be in her 40s, shows up wearing gloves. She seems flustered. She’s holding a notepad full of notes and a Broadway-style hat. She tells me she just reviewed a “Frank Sinatra show” and was inspired to wear a hat.

My Single Peeps: Bryan Michael S.

Bryan’s a nice guy. And he makes nice films. A spoof he made of Michael Jackson was so well liked that Jackson called Bryan to ask for a copy, sparking a friendship that lasted 20 years.

My Single Peeps: Tami M.

Tami’s running late to meet me at Starbucks, so I call her to ask what kind of coffee she’d like. “House coffee. Hot.” That’s it. I order my usual froofy drink — any kind of sweetened Frappuccino, usually involving chocolate, caramel or a combination of both.

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Shabbat dinner, right in your inbox.

More news and opinions than at a Shabbat dinner, right in your inbox.

More news and opinions than at a Shabbat dinner, right in your inbox.