December 9, 2012 | 11:42 am

The Roots of Shame Run Deep

Posted by Lia Mandelbaum

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Shame is a soul eating emotion. – Carl Jung

Most people are unaware of how shame affects their personal lives, and is such a major driving force throughout societies around the globe.  Shame plays out in all sorts of shapes and sizes: Feeling ashamed within and outside of ones own community over the darkness of their skin tone; parents disowning their gay child out of the fear of being ostracized within their own community; the shame and hiding from when someone is trying to cover up how they are not a part of the “perfect family”; the shame a child carries into adulthood from having always been told that they are stupid and worthless; the shame and self-blame of victims of sexual abuse.  Alyson Stack, a M.S. Marriage Family Therapist and Registered Intern, whose practice largely serves patients with food and body image issues, as well as addictive and compulsive behaviors, said “The shame created by engaging in eating disorder behavior is analogous to parasitic toxicity- it continues to eat you away.”  Her words are applicable to all forms of shame.  I firmly believe that there is nothing positive or productive about shame.  I believe this to also be true for the people who have committed some of the most heinous of acts, because it keeps them stuck in repeating old behaviors and unable to face and transcend their darkness.  I think it is helpful to isolate shame as a single entity, and understand how its many different forms stem from the same beast. 

A woman looking at herself imprisoned by her own shame.  © Laurel Johnson Photography

In the book, Psychology of Shame: Theory and Treatment of Shame-Based Syndromes, Gershen Kaufman, a contemporary scholar on shame, goes over the splitting of the self that can occur with shame, “Contempt turned against the self is the principle means by which splitting occurs.  Splitting is actively maintained by negative identity scripts that have become so magnified that autonomous partial selves split off and then coexist within the same individual.”  Kaufman’s words about the “splitting of the self” definitely spoke to my own journey towards wholeness.  I have learned that it is incredibly important to understand the various ways of how shame is oppressive and socially constructed.  Through gaining awareness about the roots of shame, someone can step back and not personalize their shame as much.

The world would be an incredibly different place without shame being so imbedded within most societies.  We must give ourselves the permission to stop beating up ourselves and “others,” literally and figuratively, so that we live in a more loving and peaceful world.

December 1, 2012 | 1:43 pm

Wallenberg and Rustin: Two Extraordinary and Widely Unknown Figures

Posted by Lia Mandelbaum

This year marks the 100th year since the birth of two extraordinary men.  The first time I heard and learned about both Raoul Wallenberg and Bayard Rustin was just this year, and I have come to understand that there are a great deal of people who are unaware of these amazing men, who truly represent the best of humanity.

Raoul Wallenberg (August 4, 1912 – July 17, 1947?)

In the spring of 1944, Adolf Eichmann had gone to Hungary to complete Hitler’s “Final Solution” before the war ended.  He was rapidly sending 10,000 to 12,000 Jews to the gas chambers every day.  That spring, the American government was trying to stop him, and so President Roosevelt sent Iver Olsen to Stockholm as an official representative of the American War Refugee Board.  Olsen was looking for a man willing to walk into the jaws of the Nazi death machine, someone who spoke both Hungarian and German, someone with an independent spirit who would not need much oversight or direction.  Raoul Wallenberg, who was a Christian Swede, architect, businessman, diplomat, and humanitarian, was highly recommended.

Raoul Wallenberg quickly established an office and “hired” 400 Jewish volunteers to run his “rescue campaign.” His mission was to save what remained of the Hungarian Jewish population.  Wallenberg invented a special Swedish passport for Jews, the Schutzpass, which granted Swedish citizenship and immunity from deportation to the death camps.  The Schutzpass alone is credited with saving 20,000 Jewish lives.  Using his American funds, Wallenberg found thirty-two buildings to rent.  Wallenberg’s “safe houses,” which were protected by Swedish diplomatic immunity, saved around 15,000 Jewish lives.

         

Jews rescued by  Wallenberg             Hospital est. by Wallenberg          Swedish passport                                                                 

In the last days of the occupation, German troops, along with Hungarian Nazis, assembled around the Jewish ghetto in preparation for a massacre. When he learned of the plan, Wallenberg confronted the Nazi commander, persuading him that if he allowed the attack on the ghetto to go forward, Wallenberg would see that he was hanged for crimes against humanity after the war. The frightened Nazi, who knew Hitler was about to be defeated, called off the assault. The lives of 70,000 Jews were saved.

On January 17, 1945, Wallenberg was taken into Soviet custody, after which he mysteriously disappeared.  There is a theory that Wallenberg was arrested by the Soviet military counter intelligence (later know as the KGB), and taken into the Soviet Union as a “prisoner of war.”  It is a sad irony of the time that one who saved so many could not save himself.  Wallenberg led one of the most extensive and successful rescue efforts during the Holocaust.  He has since been made an honorary citizen of Canada, Hungary and Israel in recognition of his valor.  In Israel, he is honored at Yad Vashem—Jerusalem's memorial to Holocaust victims—as the most outstanding of the "Righteous Gentiles."

“For me there is no choice.  I’ve taken on this assignment and I’d never be able to go back to Stockholm without knowing inside myself I’d done all a man could do to save as many Jews as possible.”  - Raoul Wallenberg

To see video of Wallenberg, please click {Here}.

Source: The Story of Raoul Wallenberg, By Penny Schreiber.  Article found on the University of Michigan’s website for their Wallenberg medal and lecture.  Wallenberg received his degree in architecture at the university. 

 

Bayard Rustin (March 17, 1912 - August 24, 1987)

Bayard Rustin was a master strategist and tireless activist, and has been called the “lost prophet” of the civil rights movement.  Bayard Rustin is best remembered as the organizer of the 1963 March on Washington, one of the largest nonviolent protests ever held in the U.S.  He brought Gandhi’s protest techniques to the American civil rights movement and helped mold Martin Luther King, Jr. into an international symbol of peace and nonviolence.  By the late 1950s, Rustin had emerged as a key adviser to King.

The March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom will be forever known as the day that confirmed the success of the civil rights movement and launched the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. into being one of the most influential civil rights leaders in time.  During the planning of the march, Rustin drilled the hundreds of off-duty police officers and firefighters who had volunteered to serve as marshals.  He made them take off their guns and coached them in the techniques of nonviolent crowd control he had brought back from a pilgrimage to India.  On the day of the march, the marchers weren’t rioting or trashing the streets.  More than 200,000 were guided by thousands of “bus captains,” each referring frequently to Rustin’s 12-page manual on where to park, what to shout, where the bathrooms were.

Rustin had gone to prison as a conscientious objector during World War II, and had been jailed more than 25 other times as a protester.  He was involved with several protest causes over his lifetime: segregation, Japanese internees, draft resisters, workers’ rights, chain-gang prisoners, the anti-nuclear movement and South African apartheid. 

 

       

King and Rustin                                   1963 March in Washington and planning meeting

Despite these achievements, Rustin was silenced, threatened, arrested, beaten, imprisoned, and fired from important leadership positions, largely because he was an openly gay man in a fiercely homophobic era.  Other black leaders disapproved of his frank sexuality and its attendant arrest record.  In 1960, Adam Clayton Powell, the minister-congressman from Harlem, threatened to float a rumor that King was one of Rustin’s lovers if King didn’t exile him from his inner circle. King pushed him away, reluctantly, and Rustin resigned from the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, which Rustin was responsible for helping to launch.  Three years later, Rustin had been asked to come back on board with the main civil rights leaders, to help them organize the March in Washington.  They knew that nobody better then Rustin could organize such a prolific event.  

Rustin believed that the call for justice was so imperative that it was not just up to the oppressed to respond.  And he believed that no matter how grim the political times, we each had the power to create hope every day by our actions in the world. 

“God does not require us to achieve any of the good tasks that humanity must pursue.  What God requires of us is that we not stop trying.” – Bayard Rustin

To see video on Rustin, please click {Here}

Source: Washington Post article Bayard Rustin, organizer of the March on Washington, was crucial to the movement.

Questions that should be looked at...
Many baffling questions have come up for me, such as:  While growing up, why wasn’t I taught about these two men in school?  Why is it that so many Jews and African Americans are unaware of Rustin and Wallenberg?  It is an unjustice that these men are so unknown.

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November 10, 2012 | 1:14 pm

Non-Violent Peacemaking: Removing the Blindfold

Posted by Lia Mandelbaum

On November 8, I represented Cal State LA as a panelist for the annual Soledad Enrichment Action (SEA) Youth Peace Conference.  SEA was founded in the 1970’s by a handful of young mothers who sought to protect their youngsters from gang violence, and has become a full service professional agency that serves over 12,000 youth and families annually.  SEA Charter School is a WASC (Western Association of Schools and Colleges) accredited community made up of 17 education centers throughout Los Angeles County, and works with youth who are struggling academically and at high risk for delinquency.

The topic of the panel was to touch upon the morals and values of a non-violent peacemaker.  The panelists were three SEA students and two Cal State LA students.   
The main guest speaker of the conference was Arun Gandhi.  Born in 1934 in Durban, South Africa, Arun is the fifth grandson of India’s legendary leader, Mohandas K. “Mahatma” Gandhi.  Mr. Gandhi covered topics such as: non-violent peacemaking, lessons he learned from his grandfather, and the inner development and characteristics of a peacemaker.

My preparation process and the conference itself, was incredibly powerful for me and has helped me to be a better person.  The SEA community is wonderful, and should definitely be sought out to understand and connect with.

Please watch the video below of Arun Gandhi and I speaking on non-violent peacemaking.  

 

 

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October 25, 2012 | 11:28 pm

Take Two:  Take to What’s Inside Not Only You

Posted by Lia Mandelbaum

I am only one month into an internship with a mental healthcare agency serving South Los Angeles communities such as Lynwood and Compton, and as I heard a political speech in which the impoverished individuals in this nation were referred to as undignified “takers,” I am here to decompose and shed myself of that toxic paradigm.

I was having a discussion with my supervisor yesterday about how the media often portrays South Los Angeles as being full of gangs, violence, poverty and corruption.   Although it is true that within these areas there is a greater percentage of homelessness, poverty, and criminal activity, those aspects should not define it.  There are grandparents, parents, children, students, optimists, pessimists, realists, writers, and artists.   There are athletes, teachers, business owners and people who love to cook.  I am discovering how South Los Angeles is made up of an incredibly vast array of humanity.  There is a great deal of attraction towards viewing the area through the lens of the media, however the majority of people who are Caucasian and/or have a higher economic status, will often only experience these areas behind a movie and television screen.  If I am to be honest with myself, I must admit that this portrayal was partially why I wanted to intern in the area.  I found the idea exciting.  Through exposure to these different communities, instead of viewing them just through the lens of the media, I am gaining a more realistic perspective. 

As I go out into the field to visit clients, my exposure and experiences have been very eye opening.  It also raises a lot of questions such as:  why are these areas predominantly black and Hispanic and how has racism shaped the communities?  I think about the idea of the “American dream,” and how there is a glass ceiling that doesn’t allow everyone to achieve this dream.  Before the Great Depression in 1929, it was religious institutions that deemed who were the “worthy” and “unworthy” poor of receiving social services.  If you were physically capable of working, sometimes just by inquiring, you would be thrown in jail.   After the Great Depression hit, and everyone was in the same boat, that sort of thinking changed.  In our current society, you often hear of who is worthy and unworthy of receiving assistance, and the idea that you need to pick yourself up by your bootstraps and get it together.  I am discovering that there are many oppressive elements that make it incredibly challenging.  As a very individualistic society, there is a mentality that can be found in this country that believes certain groups of people are dispensable.   I think about the notion that the United States is a democratic nation, yet we aren’t always congruent with these ideals.  A professor of mine once talked about how to truly be a democratic nation, there must be a level playing field, which does not exist within our country.  I do not take for granted the freedom, opportunities and blessings that I have as a citizen of the United States, but as a “truth seeker”, I believe that these questions and realities must be faced and understood.  I have realized that racism is so embedded in society that you have to dive in and explore these realities to truly understand what racism is.  So far, I have only scratched the surface.

As I look into the eyes of the South Los Angeles community members, I do not see undignified “takers.” I see the profound impact of the toxic ideology that our society has had in oppressing and pigeonholing the less fortunate members of our community. It is in these moments, when societal barriers are down and I can truly see another individual, that I feel the most connected to myself.  Whether it is with our clients who struggle with mental health, our diverse group of staff members, or the communities at large, I know that the moment I can no longer see a part of myself in another human being, I am not looking deep enough.

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October 8, 2012 | 9:33 pm

Surviving the Darkness and Embracing the Light

Posted by Lia Mandelbaum

Last year, I went to a park in Ventura County, to attend the joyous 80th birthday party of my Aunt Ruth’s mother, Ann.  Every single birthday has special significance for her, because she is a survivor of the Holocaust.  As I looked around the party, I was profoundly moved by all of the guests that were there celebrating her life.  I thought about how differently her story could have ended. It was empowering to think that because she survived, there are now several generations of my family that can carry on her legacy.

Ann was not the only survivor at her birthday party.  I had the pleasure of meeting another couple Bernd & Judy Simon.  From the moment Ann introduced us, it was obvious that they both had a very special presence.  He began to share a bit of his story with me, and spoke in detail about the horror he experienced on Kristallnacht.  I knew that I wanted to hear more about his life and asked if it would be possible to meet again.  He embraced me with open arms and invited me to come to his home. We set a date and my friend Laurel Johnson and I traveled to Ventura to conduct an interview and to capture some photographs to use for this blog.

Bernd Simon was born in North Western Germany on May 20, 1920.  He is now ninety-two years old, and lives at home with his wife Judy.  His life was changed forever on November 10, 1938, the night that we now refer to as Kristallnacht.  It was on that tragic night that Gestapo came to his family’s home.  They busted down the doors in early morning, chased them into an ice-cold cellar and then raided their apartment.  All of their belongings were thrown out into the street and into the backyard over the balcony.  The Gestapo then told him he had to clean up the street so that the traffic could pass.  The Gestapo did not take Bernd that day, but later came back for him and forced him on to a freight train heading straight towards Dachau concentration camp.  For two horrific days and two painfully long nights they were packed into the freight train, riding the “journey into hell.”  People died standing up, and fell to the ground when the doors were opened as they reached the gates of Dachau.

During Bernd’s time as a prisoner in the camp, he was shot at three times, and lived with the reality that any day could be his last.  But he never gave up hope, and lived his life with faith.

Bernd managed to survive Dachau ultimately because of a brilliant and heroic act performed by his mother.  She devised a plan to falsify documents claiming that Bernd was requested for work out of the country and that he was needed immediately.  Her plan worked and amazingly, he was released.  With four dollars to his name, he went and lived in Cuba for two years before moving to the US and joining the US military.  Initially, the military thought that he was a spy for the Germans, but he was able to prove otherwise.  Bernd became an Army Air Core Intercept Officer and flew a B24 four-engine bomber.  After his Air Corp discharge in 1945 in Vienna, he became a U.S. War Department Intelligence Officer with the CIC.  His job was to track down, interrogate and arrest Nazi war criminals in post-war Europe, which he did with a vengeance until 1948.

        

                                                          © Laurel Johnson Photography                                                             

There are so many amazing and courageous accomplishments that Bernd has achieved in his lifetime.  I could spend all day writing about the heroic and honorable life he has lived.  I was blown away by his ability to transform the darkness and despair he was forced to experience into a life filled with light, love, purpose, gratitude and service to others.  From 1975-1985 Bernd worked as a full-time employee with the Ventura County Sheriffs.  He worked with the inmates in booking, providing support services and making sure that every inmate was given food and clean clothing.  He knew all too well how it felt to be hungry and believes that every person on this earth deserves to be treated with dignity.

As Bernd and I sat in his living room that day, it became clear to me why I was so drawn to his energy. He is a perfect example of transforming darkness into light.

     

                                                         © Laurel Johnson Photography                          

A short time later, as I began to go over my notes from Bernd’s interview, I glimpsed down at the cover of Astronomy Magazine.  I was drawn to a headline on the cover titled “Turning clouds of darkness into Stars of light” by Bruce Dorminey.  I instantly thought of my friend Bernd Simon.

I learned that there are places in our Galaxy that are so dark they actually appear to be nothing at all.  When the shadowy patches of clouds in the Milky Way were first seen through a telescope, astronomer’s actually thought that they were seeing holes in the fabric of space.  These dark clouds, called bok globules, are the coldest objects in the natural universe.  “Despite their apparent nothingness, these molecular clouds turn out to be exceedingly important: They are the places where stars are born.”

The connection was so clear to me.  It is often in the darkest of places, that you can find the brightest of lights.

 

To see a short video of Bernd Simon, please click HERE

To see more work from Laurel Johnson Photography, Please click HERE

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October 5, 2012 | 2:58 pm

Jewels of Elul VIII: Expanding on Mohini

Posted by Lia Mandelbaum

I had the honor of being a part of the production team for this years Jewels of Elul VIII.  Craig Taubman started this project eight years ago, to challenge us to use each day as an opportunity for growth and discovery, during the month of Elul and right before High Holidays.  Jewels of Elul are a collection of short stories, anecdotes and introspections. The topic this year was The Art of Aging.

For the Jewels of Elul website, I wrote a piece expanding upon a particular passage.  Out of all twenty-nine Jewels, the one that spoke the most to me was Elul 1: Mohini, written by Rabba Sara Hurwitz.  She is the Dean of Yeshivat Maharat, the first Orthodox institution to ordain women as spiritual leaders.

Elul 1: Mohini

As we age, our brains are hardwired to reject change. We are conditioned to resist new challenges and remain within our comfort zones. However, growing older should not mean that we must exist within self-imposed boundaries.

In the 1960s, President Eisenhower received the gift of a rare, white tiger named Mohini. For years, Mohini lived in the Washington Zoo and spent her days pacing back and forth in a 12-by-12 foot cage. Finally the zoo decided to build her a larger cage so Mohini could run, climb and explore. But when Mohini arrived at her new home, she didn’t rush out, eagerly adapting to her new habitat. Rather, she marked off a 12-by-12 foot square for herself, and paced there until her death, never enjoying the new opportunities in front of her. Mohini exemplifies the classic conditioning most of us live within. Although she was a magnificent, powerful creature, Mohini was convinced her “place” was just a 12-by-12 foot square. We all have the propensity to behave exactly like Mohini. Based on our conditioning, we create invisible cages for ourselves, limiting our lives within their boundaries.

But we don’t have to succumb to our internal imprisonment. Throughout the High Holidays, we will hear the shofar blast. Historically, the shofar signaled the release of all slaves at the end of the Jubilee year. That sound should make us ask, “What enslaves us? What weighs us down? What baggage do we hold onto?” And then, let it go. The High Holidays present us with a tunnel, an opportunity to break free from our self-imposed cages, to find our route to freedom and live life with renewed passion. The shofar inspires us to free the Mohini inside and move beyond our boundaries.



My Response

In Rabba Sara Hurwitz’s Jewel titled “Mohini,” she manages to gracefully and compassionately touch upon the significance of the internal struggles that can present themselves while aging.  Although I am only 29-years-old, I have gained a unique insight into the depths of the aging process through being on the career path of a geriatric social worker, relationships and as a hospice volunteer.  Through what I have observed, some of the challenges include:  the progressive loss of independence, friends frequently passing away, loneliness, constant doctor appointments and the fear of undiagnosed illnesses.  I understand what my grandmother means when she tells me “growing older is not for wimps.”

This piece is meant to acknowledge the reality of how difficult it is to age.  Younger people often don’t understand what it is like, nor do they want to think about it.  It is like the 800-pound gorilla in the room that we all face with our parents but is often not talked about until it becomes a crisis.  There is a major lack of social workers in geriatrics because of their own avoidance with this difficult topic.  I have come to understand the dire importance of facing and understanding the reality of aging, and how it can help us to live more full lives.

I cannot express in words the deep level of respect and admiration I have for those who are walking through the challenges of aging.  While aging can be extremely tough, it is also very beautiful at the same time.  I have also learned that aging does not have to be a struggle, which has a lot to do with one’s attitude and perceptions.

From the words of Rabba Sara Hurwitz, “the High Holidays present us with a tunnel, an opportunity to break free from our self-imposed cages, to find our route to freedom and live life with renewed passion.”  One of the biggest gifts in life is the discovery of our own unique route towards this freedom.

 

To read all the Jewels, click HERE.

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September 27, 2012 | 9:33 pm

Yom Kippur:  What Do You Paint When You Pray?

Posted by Lia Mandelbaum

During the High Holy Days, one of the most powerful moments for me is when we bow down for the Aleinu and declare G-d's sovereignty over all of creation.  Just yesterday, while walking over to an open space for me to lay my body down, I immediately became humbled.  I surrendered the desire to be in control and felt stripped of the bonds of my ego, as I let go of how I thought things should be.  While facedown and in a semi-fetal position, the image and sensation popped into my mind of myself as a baby floating in the stillness of a womb.  Through surrendering to the present moment, I felt safe, and an intimate connection with my divine inner child.  While I believe it is essential on Yom Kippur to focus on the task of understanding and acknowledging how we have wronged others and have not been true to ourselves, I also believe it is essential that we explore how to shed ourselves of the barriers and jaded ideals we develop in adulthood, while also holding onto the invaluable wisdom we have gained throughout our lives.  I believe that this too is a form of purification. 

Picasso once said, “It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child.” Picasso also said, “It takes a long time to become young.”  While it is by no means an easy task to see life through a new lens, the hard work is completely worth it because it is a process that helps us to strengthen our connection to Hashem and our authentic selves. 

Pause and Reflect

While in the process of writing this piece, I decided to read it to a friend to get his feedback.  He enjoyed the piece up until the point where I had quoted Picasso.  He said that there was no way he wanted to relive his childhood and that he couldn’t even remember most of it.  Immediately after he had been adopted as a newborn, he became gravely ill with what was determined to be a terminal, undiagnosable medical condition.  This forced him to face some of life’s toughest realities starting at a very young age, when he came to understand that his life depended on whether or not he took his medication three times a day.  He said that Picasso’s quotes relays this ideal and stigma in our society that everyone must reconnect with their inner child to find their connection to the divine.  While it may be part of my own path, it is not his path, nor is it the path of many other people, who did not get to fully experience their childhood due to reasons such as: illness, divorce, poverty and war.  So many children are given the message that their lives are less valuable because of the challenges of their circumstances.  No path is more righteous or divine then the other. 

My conversation with him reminded me to be mindful of the risk of generalizing and intellectualizing human experiences and emotions, and that we each have our own unique inner worlds.  When he bows down during the High Holy Days, we do not share the same experience, nor can he relate.  However, he can open himself up to feeling my feelings as I describe my experience.  We do find common ground in our desire to live from a place of openhearted wisdom, innocence, trust, simplicity and joyful wonder. 

I realized that there is tremendous beauty in how when we pray we have our own unique experiences, and that the blessing lies in the possibility of opening up and relaying these experiences to one another.   Although the High Holidays are over, each day offers an opportunity to reflect on how we engage with and impact others.  I believe that this pause and reflection is truly a lifelong journey, and not something to just be done during the holidays.

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September 20, 2012 | 4:53 pm

In Search of a Better Life

Posted by Lia Mandelbaum

Some of my most cherished moments have been spent with my grandparents listening to stories and getting glimpses into the lives of the different generations of my family members. My paternal grandmother Florence is always proud to share the story about her father, who at the age of fourteen, spent two years migrating by foot from Russia to France, in an attempt to dodge being drafted into the Czar’s army.  From the mid-1800’s to the end of World War II, like many Jews in search of a less oppressive life, my family left Europe and immigrated by boat to America. Although my journey has not required me to trek across the globe, I have made a personal journey, growing and migrating towards a better life.  A powerful driving force for me has been striving to live with intention, always trying to see the humanity in people and find common ground. I find mirrors in unexpected places and through discovering our interconnectedness, I grow in the most poignant of ways.

Earlier this month, I invited my friend Ramiro Gomez to Cal State Los Angeles to come speak to my class about his work as an artist.  Ramiro’s work has been featured in the LA Times, CNN and BBC.  His work is meant to get people to pause and reflect on the humanity of the documented and undocumented Hispanic immigrants in the US, who are often voiceless and invisible to others. I knew that his work would speak deeply to my classmates, many of whom are Hispanic.  I was incredibly moved by the six life size portraits he brought to show my class.  His paintings depicted a family mourning over the skeletal remains of a loved one who had died while trying to cross from Mexico into the Arizona desert.  You could feel the deep sadness of the family in the paintings, almost as if you were there mourning with them.                            

Ramiro speaking to my class.

According to statistics compiled by the Arizona Recovered Human Remains Project, over the past decade more than 2,381 bodies have been found. These immigrants were men, women, children, and the elderly who had died in Southern Arizona from New Mexico to the Yuma County line.  There are a significant number of bodies that still have never even been identified.  One of the students in my class shared with me that she had almost cried during Ramiro’s presentation because it reminded her of the horror she experienced when her undocumented father had gotten lost for three days in the desert.  She explained that years ago, when her family decided that it was important for her to have her Quinceanera in Mexico, her father took the risk of leaving the U.S. to join his daughter in Mexico during her rite of passage.  After the celebration, her father tried to make his way back to the U.S.  For three days he wandered in the desert, and as they waited, his family prayed incredibly hard for his safe return.  He was found by the border patrol, given water and was forced to go back to Mexico.  A few months later he made it safely back into the U.S.

Ramiro’s presentation made me think about the bold risks that my own family had to take in order to ensure that their future generations would have a better life.   If my great grandfather hadn’t trekked across Europe by foot, or the U.S. had not allowed my ancestors to immigrate here, would I even be alive?  The stories I heard about these families crossing into the Arizona desert from Mexico made me think about the history of the Jewish people, and our struggles and experience wandering through the desert.  I was reminded of Moses and of the Jewish people’s journey out of Egypt.  We too were not allowed to enter the promised land, and were sent back into the barren desert.  It was not until the next generation was born, a generation that did not know slavery, that we were allowed to enter the promised land.

I was so moved by Ramiro’s presentation and the openness and vulnerability of fellow classmates, that I do not feel right standing idly by witnessing the dehumanization of  “illegal aliens.” The first step for me, which began when I started attending Cal State LA, was to own the fact that I too at times have been guilty of prejudiced thinking.  I used to think of myself as a loving person who was completely free of any prejudice thoughts.  It was enlightening when I came to understand the unconscious ways that racism enters our thoughts and how deeply embedded it is in our society.  Even though I have struggled with other people’s prejudice against me, I find strength in the fact that I am a part of a faith that has survived through years of oppression.  I find it empowering to admit that I too at times have judged others, and I do not believe that makes me a bad person.  It makes me a person with a choice, and the ability to move forward and grow with this awareness.  I have made a conscious choice to deprogram myself and break free from prejudice thoughts. Each day I try to engage people around me by making sure I look them in the eyes. I smile at strangers.  I am pro-active by bringing speakers to my classroom that I know will empower others.  I ask to hear stories about people’s lives, and I get glimpses into their world, which in turn shows me their humanity.  I am proactive by: owning my thoughts, by not being afraid to admit my shortcomings, by diving head first into the solution and by living each day with sacred intentions.

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