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February 19, 2010 | 11:52 am
Tiger Woods’ courageous confession
Posted by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach
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Tiger Woods’ statement was a model of repentance and contrition. He admitted he had a problem. He said that words alone would not solve it, that he requires, and is receiving counseling. He admitted that celebrity and money had given him a sense of entitlement and had corrupted him. He said he had behaved selfishly and irresponsibly. He accepted that being a public figure meant private responsibility and that he had to model good behavior for the youth. And he looked the entire time like he meant it. It was that rarest of things, a sincere and unconditional statement of contrition and responsibility from a public figure for cheating on his wife. And more than just talking about changing, he told us what he is doing in order to be a better man.
Compare it to the nauseating drivel of a guy like Mark Sanford, the misguided Governor of South Carolina, who told the media, after he was caught cheating, that his mistress was his soulmate, or to President Clinton, who never admitted that his womanizing was a deep-seated problem that required counseling, and you can begin to appreciate how difficult it was for Tiger Woods to confess that his own philandering stemmed from a problem of his soul.
Noone wants to admit needing help. We don’t want to confess to that level of dependency. If a man cheats on his wife, he usually sees it as an aberration, something he shouldn’t have done and something he’ll work on not repeating. But it’s not a manifestation of an inner brokenness. He doesn’t need any counseling. He just needs to recommit to an ethical life.
In truth, men don’t cheat because they’re liars and thieves. The vast majority of men who are unfaithful would never shoplift or steal a car. Rather, men cheat because, as Tiger Woods accepted, they have a problem. They are broken on the inside – they feel insecure and unimportant – and think that having women desire them will compensate. It’s the age-old lie that conquest, especially of a sexual nature, will bring personal validation. As Woods said, after all the money and fame he had earned he thought that normal rules didn’t apply to him. He was Caesar, which is another way of saying that even after all the fame and money he still was insatiable for more. All the accolades, all the fans, the beautiful wife, the adorable kids, still could not make him feel full. All the money still didn’t make him feel rich. He remained a black hole of endless consumption.
But this man is on the way to real amends, I believe, because he recognizes he has a problem. The Talmud says there are three essential steps to repentance. The first is to admit you have a problem. The second is to confess it verbally and take full responsibility. And the third is to undertake corrective, righteous action that will undo or make better the error.
By that count it’s time for America to admit it has a problem, because there is a little Tiger in all of us, a insatiable thirst that has gripped the American soul and that cannot be quenched, whatever the level of consumption.
I just published a book called “The Blessing of Enough.” It’s the one blessing America doesn’t have. Even after we collapsed our economy through rampant greed we still refuse to admit we had a collective problem. We still cannot not accept that it’s not normal to be the richest country in the world and still feel like we never, ever have enough.
Our Wall Street bankers earn millions. And even after they receive the most putrid press, exposing their avarice and insatiable lust for more and more cash, all funded by tax-payer dollars, they still can’t stop paying themselves billions more in bonuses. This is a sickness that the patient refuses to acknowledge.
The feeling that enough is never enough, the curse of insatiability, was something I tried to impress upon Michael Jackson. I saw him punishing himself constantly. When I asked him if he was proud of Thriller, which had sold approximately 50 millions albums, he told me, Yes, but not really, because he had a post-it note on his mirror in the bathroom that said 100 million. So that was the man whom Michael saw in the mirror, never enough, always having to succeed more.
I believe that if Michael had realized the corrosive effect that fame and money were having on his life – how it had isolated him from friends and family, how it had given him too a sense of entitlement to cross healthy boundaries, and how it had enhanced his fear of becoming obscure and forgotten, a pain he turned to prescription drug medication to numb – he would be alive today. And the fact that Tiger Woods is honest enough to admit that fame and money can be incredibly corrosive means his marriage and his character have a fighting chance of healing, surviving, and flourishing.
Money and fame can be real blessings. With the former you can cure poverty, with the latter you can highlight noble causes. Instead, they are curses in America today. For all our money, we are the most unhappy nation in the world, consuming three quarters of the earth’s anti-depressants. And for all our celebrity’s fame, they can’t seem to stay married or keep themselves out of rehab.
America, we have a problem. It’s time for a confession of our own.
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach’s newest book, The Blessing of Enough, has just been published. Follow him on Twitter @RabbiShmuley. www.shmuley.com
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Tiger Woods’ courageous confession
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I don’t see what Tiger Woods have to apologise to the public for. Whatever problems he has in his marriage should be kept between him & his wife. I could care less who he has dalliances with as long as he plays good golf. Golf is a boring old man’s game without him.
All the whores from hell & Gloria Alred need to go back there. BTW, those women who participated in the affairs all knew Tiger is a married man & are just as culpable & should not be portrayed as victims.
Your comment about Michael Jackson not being satisfied with the amount of the ‘Thriller’ album that he had sold, makes no sense. Why should he rest on his laurels & not want to achieve the best he could? That is the American way-to strive to be the best you can be. I am sure you wish you could sell more of your ‘Tragic Icon’ book so that you can have more money to donate to charity—right? The only thing tragic about Michael Jackson was meeting & trusting people of your ilk who wished him no good.
I’m glad to see that a public figure is taking responsibility for his actions.
You’ll never stop butchering Michael’s back, won’t you? I wish he never met you, you are one lousy “friend” and rabbi.
Tiger has never said he feels insecure or unimportant. He has always been full of himself. I think Bill Clinton and Sanford are a million times more honest than Tiger. They are not going to pretend they need counseling. Why would someone who honestly said he found his soulmate have to apologize for it or say he needs counseling? What’s wrong with telling the truth instead of lying about it like Tiger.
Hi chrissiem4, I respect your opinion, but I don’t understand what is disrespectful about the Rabbi teaching ‘what not to do’ from his experience with a major public figure. It’s not that he said that MJ wasn’t a cool person or anything- he was just overly ambitious. that is generally considered a respectable trait- the point is that it can also be very dangerous.
Jewish Knitting, you have to read the book that he wrote about Michael to understand what I mean. This article is actually mild compared to all the load of trash that he threw MJ’s way in that book. This rabbi is ruthless in his words and no one deserves to be judged and ridiculed like that, more so MJ who was of course not perfect, but was nevertheless a kind and gentle spirit. I think that that book had already served the rabbi’s purpose in releasing his anger on being let go from MJ’s circle by MJ himself but to continue to trash him in his articles will only serve one purpose - hurt MJ’s children.
I’m not sure if I find it courageous.. I think he should of manned up and said yes.. I did have sex with these girls… Mariage was not for me or something of the like…
His courage will do him no good.
“His courage will do him no good. ” partly true… But at least, it’s better to tell the truth than to live a life that’s full of lies.
I do admire his courage in telling the truth.
Well, they guy is certainly going through it at the moment.
Even though he’s no longer the number 1 golfer, Tiger Woods will still be as popular as he would ever be.
He is a great athlete and I really idolize him. Everyone makes mistakes… nobody’s perfect…
I believe he is a good man, and this issue doesn’t change the way I look at him.
Tiger Woods should be thankful of what he has. There are a lot of people who are struggling just to have a piece of what he has become, some are successful but many have failed. I hope he had learn from his mistakes.
As what his book is all about, a person or a nation will never be contented with what he/they have, it’s a human nature that is so hard to control.
Tiger woods has always been like that ! http://helico.yolasite.com
Wow, I wouldn’t be able to confess such things… hopefully I am not like that
But by the way, do you know that Tiger Woods started his career as helicopter rc http://www.helico-radiocommande.fr pilote ? I know, that might sounds crazy, but it is true!
the guy seems to have paid the price though, will he make a comeback?
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