Shhh! Today and tomorrow, the Silent Movie Theatre presents "The Silent Picture Show." Legendary 91-year-old theater organist Bob Mitchell and singer and ukulele player Janet Klein provide the sounds, while Charlie Chaplin, Harold Lloyd, Laurel and Hardy, Buster Keaton, the Little Rascals and Felix the Cat provide classic visuals. $10-$15. 8 p.m. (Dec. 26, 27 and 28), 2 p.m. (Dec. 28). 611 N. Fairfax Ave., Hollywood. (323) 655-2520.
Keep the kids' brains working during winter break today. The Zimmer Children's Museum's Bubbie's Bookstore welcomes an experienced storyteller this afternoon, for some Jewish wintery "Once Upon a Times." 2 p.m. and 3 p.m. Free (members), $3 (nonmembers). 6505 Wilshire Blvd., Los Angeles. (323) 761-8989
New Year's resolution time, a.k.a: time to commit that screenplay idea to paper. Those daunted by their distinct lack of funny get no excuses. Brad Schreiber's latest comedy-writing-for-dummies type book is titled, "What Are You Laughing At? How to Write Funny Screenplays, Stories and More." Think of it: finally, the confidence of knowing they're laughing with you. $14.96. www.mwp.com
'Tis the season for celebrating. Do it Jewish-style with the Ultimate Jewish Music Collection. The four-CD set from Craig Taubman's "Celebrate Series" contains "Celebrate Hanukkah," "Celebrate Shabbat," "Celebrate Passover" and special bonus CD, "Celebrate Kids." Included are 55 holiday tracks of songs by Theodore Bikel, Debbie Friedman, Taubman and David Broza. Available at Costco, Walgreens, Ralphs or at www.celebrateseries.com
For the cheap but satisfying New Years Eve, pop the corn and tune the TV to American Movie Classics. AMC brings you nonstop yuks, airing a 13-hour Three Stooges Marathon today -- because nothing says "Happy New Year" like a pie in the face. Noon-1 a.m. www.amctv.com.
Fresh as this first day of the 2K4 is the new "Let's Talk About God" 50th anniversary edition. Dorothy Kripke's classic text and message has been left intact: "The thing that matters most of all/ We're very certain of:/ That God told people we must live/ In friendship and in love." And though you shouldn't judge this book by its cover, either, it has been given a shiny new one, illustrated by Christine Tripp. Ages 5-9. $9.95. www.torahaura.com .
Prepare yourself for cackles of laughter at Dan Israely's new play, "Orgasms," if not from you then from those around you. Sometimes old, sometimes new, sometimes borrowed and sometimes blue, the sex jokes prevail in this examination of the differences between men and women that's perhaps best suited to the over-50 crowd. It plays at the Canon Theatre through Jan. 18. 8 p.m. (Wednesday-Saturday), 2 p.m. and 7 p.m. (Sunday). $25-$55. 205 N. Canon Drive, Beverly Hills. (310) 859-2830. www.orgasmstheplay.com