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October 20, 2010

I wear purple today because I am alive

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/i_wear_purple_today_because_i_am_alive_20101020/

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I am purple. 
I love my purple hat. 
I wear it often; in fact, I think
I wear it all of the time. 
It seems like it. 
It’s comforting, this purple hat. 
I wear it on my head and it all feels good. 
Life, that is.

Sometimes my life becomes overwhelming.  I get stuck and my energy seems to tense up.  All systems - usually running like a smooth stream - shut down.  All I can understand is, “Sleep”.  I don’t want to do anything but sleep.  I am in a state of deep deep deep sadness. My entire Being feels concave.  I wrestle with feelings of being alone.

Choosing to acknowledge and not be ashamed to speak about how you feel is important.  It is so necessary to feel you have a voice that gets heard.  Today I wear purple because I am one of those kids who couldn’t see where all this life stuff was heading. Day by day, though I must be careful because I am so creative I can’t not feel things so deeply, I see that I would have missed out on so much if everything had stopped when I was thirteen.  I wouldn’t have found that four-leaf clover that I didn’t find until I was 23.  Or, what a bummer to have missed out on learning Hebrew at 26?  I’ll never forget turning 25 years old the same day I was part of a rally for marriage equality with 20,000 attendees.  I would have missed out on all the many double rainbows I see… I feel like I see double rainbows so often because it’s Hashem saying, “Relax, yihiye beseder. It’s all going to be OK.  The extra rainbow is Me telling you that I love your rainbow-ness.  You are made of my Goodness, and I will always keep you safe.”

We all have the right to feel safe.  We all have the right to feel comfort.  We all have the right to live, and more over, leave peacefully.

Today I wear purple because I am soon 27, and I am thankful I am still here to make music and sing and dance

and see where all this life stuff is heading. 

I wear purple for the youth whom I sincerely wish would have been able to see more double rainbows in the sky themselves…

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