Steve is extremely complimentary to women. They find him charming, even if the rest of us want to puke listening to accolades so saccharine. He’s an old-school charmer in the way that American men aren’t anymore. He’s like that Italian guy you meet in Rome who offers to take you on a private tour of the Colosseum because “a beautiful American girl shouldn’t be traveling alone.” The guys roll their eyes and then can’t understand how the girl actually jumps on the back of his Vespa. But she does. And we should all take note.
He’s from Chicago — not Italy — and his values are Midwestern, whatever that means. I guess I know what it means, but I’m curious if it implies that those of us from the Coasts are jerks. Maybe we’re just more hesitant to be so openly sweet. If you’re dating Steve, he’s the kind of guy your mom would like, because he wouldn’t be embarrassed to pretend he mistook her for your sister. That kind of corniness isn’t done anymore, outside of bad TV and movies.
Speaking of bad TV and movies, he might have produced or written some of the ones you’ve watched. Though much more of what he’s done has been good than bad. He and his producing partner are doing extremely well right now. They’re on set filming a new TV pilot this week. One that I auditioned for, by the way. And didn’t get. So, clearly he doesn’t know a great thing when he sees it, though he tells me in earnest that “they went a different way,” and I believe him. Because of that whole Midwestern thing. He also tells me he’ll get me on the show if it’s picked up, so my wife can ease up on all the financial pressure. I’m going to be starring in my own series soon, Carrie, so leave me alone. Geez, lady.
Although Steve’s a Jewish boy, he doesn’t need a Jewish girl. I mean, his parents would say he needs a Jewish girl, but he’d say he needs a great girl. Having a Jew would just be the icing on the cake, and make for less fighting around Christmas time when she wants to chop down an evergreen tree and jam it into the living room. That being said, he’d probably let you. Because he wants you to like him; and most of all, he wants your mom to like him.
Seth Menachem is an actor and writer living in Los Angeles with his wife and daughter. You can see more of his work on his Web site, sethmenachem.com, and meet even more single peeps at mysinglepeeps.com.