Jewish Journal


March 12, 2010

Friday Food Day…..The Rant


This week I woke up to find my highly coveted “Nespresso Machine” not working!

This is the machine that promised instant caffeinated results in seconds, that calibrated each cup perfectly, that warmed up instantaneously, that cost as much as my sofa, and yet I pushed the button and the amount of coffee that filled my coffee cup looked like a parched left-over puddle after a bad drought.

Panic ensued.  Thoughts of rushing to the store with my machine in hand and a dialogue starting with “what kind of a _ _ _ _ machine is this?” circled in my head.  The lecture was building with erratic speed.  ‘ Course it didn’t help that I hadn’t had my shot of caffeine.

My to-do list looked like it would be disrupted by a run at the mall with my box, the machine, the warranty, and my lecture.  How much time could I possibly waste- Oh My G-d what if I need to return the machine and wait for it to be repaired?  That would mean our Nespresso machine would be on hiatus.  What brand new coffee machine do you know takes a sabbatical?  If it’s one thing I can’t stand it’s unreliability.

I am already agitated by the thought that this purchase could have been more hassle then it was worth.

My husband senses my panic.  I look like a heroine addict needing her fix.  He tells me chill, calm down, think deliberately and call the emergency Nespresso 800 number that is posted on the fridge.

I make the call, ready to berate the customer service man with a rebuke comparable to Moses’ lecture to the Jews upon the witness of the Golden Calf.  Until I am surprised, delighted, and gleefully basking in the sun of my Nespresso’s dependability upon hearing that all I need to do to reset the calibration of my espresso is turn the machine off, push the button a few times, keep the button pressed for thirty seconds and then VOILA! My morning cap is finally achieved.

Aaaah, I am thrilled to report the dependability of this kitchen gadget is still my obsession. I have made a new friend at 1-800-nespresso, have recorded his information on my laptop, facebook, contact list, blackberry notes, and have made him number one on my speed dial. Thanks to Shawn extension 1432, my sanity and faith in humanity is restored.




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