June 2, 2011
Biggest Loser with my Sister “TOVA”
Tova is my 25 year-old-sister. She looks a lot like Kim Kardashian. I am 11 years older than her and she frequently enjoys reminding me how much older I am than her on a regular basis. She works for a very cool Hotel in Beverly Hills and regularly brags about the many celebrities and stars she sees every day. I live in the suburbs and I see no one interesting at all, except for Jennie the Barista and Helen the check out girl at Trader Joe’s. She enjoys reminding me of my dull existance as well. She has one of the most amazing Mariah Carrie voices you will ever hear, and can be seen on the stage in Karaoke bars across the city. She is funnier than Lucille Ball and we are hoping one day she buys a red wig, dotes a polka dot dress and marries someone cute and equally funny , maybe with a latin accent (but Jewish) who will feed her burgers and fries on a regular basis. (Mainly for my own self-esteem.)
Here’s what Tova had to say about our Biggest Loser Competition:
-“I needed to lose 10 pounds”
2. What have you done to change your habits over the past few weeks?
-“I’ve stopped eating donuts and burgers.”
3. Who in the family do you really want to beat?
-“I really wanna beat chava—duuuh.”
4. What do you plan on doing with the $400?
-“Unfortunately, I need to spend the money on paying off some of my back taxes, cause I don’t think they have Karaoke in Jail.”
5. Are you proud with your progress?
-“Honestly, I’m a little worried. I could have done better. Work stress, and shin splints prevented me from really reaching my goal. Also no one told me that softball is not an exercise!! In addition, I’m a bit delusional and tend to think I’m a lot skinnier than I am which stunts my motivation, especially when red velvet cupcakes are involved.”
6. Do you plan on spending any of your $400 on Chava?
-“What part of- I don’t want to duet with Big Bertha in prison didn’t you understand? No, as much as I love her, she’s not getting squat.”
7. Will you continue eating better and exercising even after the deadline?
-“As much as I want to make love to red velvet cupcakes on a regular basis, I plan on sticking to my diet. I will continue to eat well and exercise. Mostly because I have “enjoyed” sweating and depriving myself of sugar so much. ”
8. Most importantly, what do you plan on eating the second this wager is over?
-“Unlike the rest of my siblings who I imagine will be eating for the county, I plan on sticking to my diet and not indulging in the sugar, fried or oily foods during Shavuos. I also wouldn’t mind starting another wager for 8 more weeks. I really want to avoid doing time.”
9. Would you consider doing another 8 week Biggest Loser competition, and if so, how much mula are you willing to put in the pot next time?
-“I think I just answered that question… and I’d put in 100 buxx that I can pay in installments if I lose.”
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