-Hey Mend- thanks for coming on the show today.
Mendy: This is a show?
-Just go with it.
Mendy: Are there cameras? How do I look?
-You look great.
Mendy: I know, I should look great, I’ve been dieting and exercising for the past six weeks.
-The Shallman/Tombosky biggest loser diet, ya I’ve heard of it. So I hear they have a winner.
Mendy: Aren’t we the- they?
-Semantics. How do you think we should announce the winner for our Biggest Loser contest?
Mendy: Maybe SNL can do a skit about it. Can Tina Fey play me? Or maybe we’ll get to take on some dysfunctional family reality show and do an entire face off and then make a big reveal with some large hoo-haw announcement that tells everyone who the biggest loser is, and we can beat each other up and freak out on each other and then make our ratings even higher- ooh, wait, maybe they’ll invite our whole family to be cast in the next Modern Family and we can show them how it’s really done-
-How what’s done?
Mendy: duh, family drama.
-Don’t do that Charlie Sheen bit, it’s so over.
Mendy: They don’t think so.
Mendy: They- there’s gotta be a they, right?
-But I thought we were the- they!
Mendy: Do you think we can get royalties for this contest, maybe a commercial deal, or a brand endorsement?
-Brand endorsement? What could we possibly endorse?
Mendy: Our dad was a gastro man. Maybe we should endorse Toilet paper wipies. Or how bout a line of sitz baths?
- I think we should endorse something every family needs.
Mendy: What’s that?
-A Padded room.
Mendy: Can it be sound proof? I’d need it to come with nerf boppers incase we feel the need to hit each other upon announcing the winner.
-Back to the contest…
Mendy: Ya, It’s real exciting.
-Really? What’s so exciting- did you win?
Mendy: Well, I didn’t win, but I’m pretty proud of myself.
-So what, you came in second?
Mendy: No. Not exactly.
-I know, you hit third place, you animal you, you hit third!
Mendy: Chava, I didn’t hit third either- we both know YOU hit third! Way to go, I hear you beat Tova, niiice.
-Why you gotta do that?
Mendy: Do what?
-Steal my thunder!
Mendy: Chava, do you think the cameras are getting my good angle?
-I think you look a’right.
Mendy: Do you think we should tell everyone who came in second?
Mendy- The people behind the cameras…….Yaakov came in second!
-Wait, I was gonna say that-
Mendy: Here’s the thing about this contest….the thing I loved about it the most…..
-Being in touch with everyone each night, asking what everyone was gonna eat, getting to fress on lots of carbs in the after party?
Mendy: That after party was the bomb, but no- By the way, did you sort of feel like we were eating in Little Italy with the wine, the outdoor setting, that fig goat cheese dish that I couldn’t see because of the dark and those cute lights that hung over the patio? Never mind. The thing I loved about this contest the most, was that Robbie came in first!!!!! He lost 20 POUNDS!!!
-You stole my thunder again! I wanted to say who won!!
Mendy: I’m really happy Robbie won.
-Cause he had the most to lose? Cause he looks gooood. Cause he worked really hard and even though he was grumpy because he didn’t eat bread for six weeks, he still won and so it was all worth it, because at the end of the day, although I had to put up with a grumpy husband, at least he can fit into really cool looking pants instead of the ones he usually wears that has an elastic waist band??
Mendy- Nope. ‘Cause I got to keep my fifty bucks. (Thanks Rob)
Mendy: Can I take this stupid judge costume off now?
-But you look like Randy Jackson!
Mendy: No I don’t.
Mendy: Not even close
-How bout that guy from Dancing with the stars?
Mendy: Okay I’ll keep it on.