January 26, 2010 | 5:22 am

The Oracle of Bacon”

Posted by Chava Tombosky

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This week my sweet sister in law’s- sister, whom I consider my own sister through marriage started out her blog called “Beauty and Food” with this question:

“Is there a good substitute for Bacon?”

This question had me thinking, what is the Jewish need to reinvent PIG?  Is it the briney smoked flavor that permeates in the air while leaving a healthy layer of oily residue on the plate that one can glop up with their fried potatoes?  Not that I would know.

Or is it the salty maple scent breathed in during the chomping of crispy heavenliness?  What? I can imagine.

Pig.  We’ve reinvented it with fried pastrami bacon, tempeh veggie bacon, Smart bacon (Like it’s got a higher I.Q cause it comes from soy), Turkey bacon, and the all coveted “Baco Bits”.  The organs are playing now. I hope can you hear them.

We Jews don’t like to say the word bacon.  My cousin Valerie, who I am known to quote often, (this is the second time)  told me she and ten Jewish mommies went to lunch and when they ordered the Tempeh, they whispered it like it was against the law to order a red substance with loads of salt made for the purpose of pure imitation with issues of split hoof envy.  We are a people who crave what we cannot have, try to mask food with pathetic artificial impersonations, and love Red food dye.

We’ve become accustomed to using pastrami as bacon’s understudy.  Does it work? Definitely. Do we all need to figure out how to handle this bacon envy crisis? Pretty much.

Have I tried it before?

I’m not proud, but tomorrow, I will tell u about the last day I ever ate pork. 

Now pass the baco bits.

PS. This is in no way me endorsing the salty cholesterol inducing filthy meat.  But we should all find time to kick back and look at the funny of it all. I think even G-d would want us to find this one law amusing.

A big shout out to CHEF YOS for teaching us how to do the substitute in style.  Here’s his suggestion for preparing Surrogate bacon using pastrami:

To saute pastrami:
Cut pastrami into pieces (your recipe will determine the size of the pastrami pieces you cut)
Pour e.v.o.o =extra virgin olive oil into a saute pan and add the pastrami pieces.
Saute on medium/high heat till the pieces are slightly browned and start to crisp around the edges.
Place pastrami on a paper towel on a plate and then continue with your recipe.
Eat and Enjoy!