This year I am contemplating my Purim costume. Purim is the time to pretend you are someone else, and hope that no one recognizes you as you scarf down your fourteen hundredth serving of candy corn. This year I am slightly traumatized. Why you ask? Because every single year my family takes the Purim costume experience to an epic level. We have known to be pretty much the coolest family on Purim. Our costumes are always interesting, elaborate and really funny. I once came as Marilyn Monroe while my husband sported a Love Guru get up. See what I mean? Epic.
However, last year, Purim was on a Saturday night. Apparently, Jews don’t party on Saturday night. After eating and praying all day on the sabbath, suddenly Jews get lazy. Well of course we went all out. I wore some Pirate of the Penzance get up, my kids were AWESOME- I had my mini pirate played by Meir, Mordy went as Batman, and Yehudis went as the Jonny Depp character in Alice and Wonderland. And for the piece le resistance- Robbie was a full on GLADIATOR. He even bought a six pack.
We were epic.
Then came the reveal. We got out of our car, like a slow motion character scene from “Purim, the Movie” and entered the Synagogue. you know that bad dream we all have as teens where you walk into school and everyone is staring at you because you are the only one who has walked in naked? We walked in, and we could have been naked, because we were the only losers who dressed up. At first we walked through the room and strutted our stuff, you know, cause we were epic. But then we began to notice that no one hardly cared. They sort of stared at us like we had just landed the moon. Suddenly my thumbs up to everyone turned upside down, and I was staring at a hand gesture that now looked like an L, pointing out that I was one big fat LOSER.
I didn’t have fun, we didn’t get to party after. There was no music. I didn’t even bother placing our pictures on Facebook, for fear that I’d have to relive yet another night of total embarrassment- thinking we were probably the only loons who had decided to put on a wig and sport leather.
What were we thinking?
What were we thinking? I’ll tell you what we were thinking- we were thinking that Purim is a time for a little fun. People get with the program- plan your costumes this year and pass the freakin candy corn!
Here are a few ideas my friends have recommended we go as this year:
The judges from American Idol- because folks have said I resemble JLO and Robbie resembles Randy Jackson when he says the word “Dog”.
Lady Gaga and her band (in which case I will be handing out omelettes in everyone’s purim baskets.)
Colin Firth and Helena Bonham Carter from the King’s Speech. We do not stutter, but we can start to.
Maybe we’ll just do what normal people do and dress up like modern day Super hero rock stars- such as Charlie Sheen and his several Goddesses. I have already ordered the Adonis plasma to be Fedex’d by Esther’s party. If you want your Purim basket, please don’t hesitate to mention our epic Tiger blood.