1. That my own Chanukah Youtube video gets as many hits as the Maccabeat video got eventhough mine was shot on a flip and not some well choreographed spoof dreidle song.
2. That us Jews can just get one lousy Mall Menorah to reach or extend past the gargantuan X-mas tree placed in front of Sears because let’s face it, it’s humiliating.
3. That my kids don’t clean me out during high stakes dreidle, and I can finally win enough money to buy a latte.
4. That my eight year old finally has aspirations to get a job when he’s older instead of saving a lifetime stash of Chanukah gelt with the hopes he never has to work once he’s grown up.
5. That the many jelly doughnuts and latkes I consume miraculously makes me LOSE weight, like the cookie diet, or one of those high calorie yet healthy for you chocolate covered zone bars- really, those are good for you?
6. That my six little menorahs are found more decorative than my neighbor’s Christmas Santa raindeer light show extravaganza he makes every year on his front lawn.
7. That Chocolate gelt finally come with nuts and caramel.
8. That pre-packed glass olive oil and wick viles and the colorful candles that burn down in six minutes don’t cost more than my Menorah.
My translation of celebrating Chanukah in the Suburbs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur75PTKLc-w