December 28, 2010 | 2:03 pm

3D, The Sally Jesse Raphael Experience

Posted by Chava Tombosky

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I get it- 3D is back.  Highly evolved technology has morphed itself into bright vivid colors with spectacular images that take you through “Tangled” worlds, fly you through Potter magical spells, and steep your psyche into Narnia adventures.  I just got one question….could they not have spent a little more time on technologically enhancing those glasses we gotta wear for two hours??

I mean, if they are going to spend thousands of dollars on images that look life like, could they at least spend half that on our spectacles?  It is getting really difficult to enjoy a movie while being forced to wear outdated, uncomfortable paraphernalia without some sort of kickback, like a free popcorn maker we can fit into our purse.

They’ve thought of everything else. The fancy sofa chairs that tilt back with built in soda cup holders, the extra foot space and tiered seating so the guy with the big head sitting in front of us won’t block our view. But what about a decent pair of 3D glasses that don’t cause you to black out because they pinch your face too tight? What about a decent pair of glasses that at least make you look more attractive during the movie then when you first walked in? What if the glasses weren’t glasses after all- what about contact lenses? I’d love contact lenses! Has no Disney genius thought of that yet?  So what if they fall out of our children’s face and our kids mistaken their lense for a rock candy or a popcorn kernel? What someone can’t come up with an edible contact lens?  Have we not evolved at all?

Yes, it’s gotten better, they are no longer paper, they no longer have red and blue plastic tones distorting the movie so everything looks purple and I guess it’s improved as some of them look like Jim Belushi Blues Brother’s shades. But yesterday, I wore a pair that felt like goggles, which should only be worn while performing experiments.

No one has figured out a way to patent a special 3D glass screen that comes down over the large screen so we don’t need to wear anything at all on our faces?

I think it’s fair to say that Steven Speilberg or James Cameron should spend a little more time on our movie going experience and a little less time designing their next skinny Martian. (Don’t think I haven’t noticed that their Martians have eating disorders and never gain weight. A diet handbook on how their extra terrestrials stay slim wouldn’t hurt either.)

Obama you may wanna get on that.

I’m just sayin.