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JewishJournal.com

December 29, 2009

The Courage to Ask a Woman Out on a Date

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/the_courage_to_ask_a_woman_out_on_a_date_20091228/

There is an act that seems to require more courage from men than asking a boss for a raise, than changing a career path, or even than fighting in a war. It is the simple task of ASKING A GIRL OUT ON A DATE.

So what does asking a girl out on a “date” mean?

In this day and age, because the phenomenon of asking a girl out on a date is like endangered species, I feel like I need to define it:

Asking a girl out on a date (verb): an act performed by a man in which he invites a woman on an outing at a particular time. The outing could take place at a café, bar, restaurant or some other public venue under conditions suitable for conversation and the pretext that the man and woman are potential romantic partners.

Asking a girl out on a date does not include the following statements:

“Hey, let’s hang out some time.”
“My friends and I are going to see a movie. Wanna come?”
“Let’s go for coffee this week.”
“Wanna come over?”

The asking should occur either in person or over the phone, sometimes over e-mail, rarely over Facebook, and never over text.

Men generally don’t have problems asking girls out on dates via dating services because they are built for that purpose. But if men meet girls they like casually, whether at a party, social event, or random encounter, I have found that many have a problem making a clear statement of romantic intent by asking a girl out on a date. I think this comes mostly from fear of rejection, uncertainty on how to handle themselves on dates, stinginess (dates cost money), lack of serious interest in a relationship with the woman, and laziness.

In Los Angeles especially, many men will choose a middle, undefined ground (like those described above). It’s the path of least resistance that doesn’t put their ego or effort on the line. On a date there are certain expectations since the guy and girl know they are exploring each other as romantic partners. There must be a modicum of stimulating conversation and chivalry. Both must put their best foot forwards.

When they’re just “hanging out”, the romantic waters are gray and mucky. The girl wonders if he likes her as a friend, as a potential relationship, or as a roll in the hay. I’m not saying all relationships must begin with dates, but it is a pleasing, rational way to explore the possibility of a relationship with a new person.

After a date, both the man and woman can generally glean the information they need to offer a clear answer (i.e. yes or no) as to whether or not they want to proceed further.

The fear of rejection is real and understandable, but unless a woman is really not attracted to a guy, she will most likely accept the direct offer for a date when the guy suggests a specific time and venue, and she will respect the man who asks her, because most guys are afraid to. Also, the fact that he put himself on the line to ASK her out indicates that he has confidence in himself and respect for women, and a woman will respond to those qualities.

So all you men at there: MANsch up and ask a woman out on a date. Take her for coffee, a drink, or dinner—whatever your pleasure—but ASK! And if hearing “no” scares you more than taking a bullet to your heart, then go through a proxy, like her friend. You and the woman will be left the better for it.

Visit’s Orit website, MANsch, about the art of seduction and dating, and check out her eBook about the subtle, subconscious ways women test men.

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