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December 22, 2009

Five Magic Words to a Woman

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There are five words that are music to a woman’s ears. They are not I-WANT-TO-MARRY-YOU. They are not I’M-IN-LOVE-WITH-YOU. They are not YOU-ARE-SO-VERY-BEAUTIFUL.

They are: I-KNOW-A-GREAT-PLACE.

How I love it when a guy asks me out on a first or second date and says, enthusiastically, “I know a great place!” instead of the uncertain, “So whadda you wanna do?” When I’m not sure about the guy, and he says, “I know a great place,” he shatters my hesitation. It doesn’t even matter what that “great place” is. It could be a café, bar, or activities-oriented venue. Presenting options shows he’s confident, fun, and proactive. I know I don’t only speak for myself.

Granted, first and second dates usually call for sit down conversations, but a man can have a lot more success with a woman he likes, if, on the initial dates, he makes FUN plans. He doesn’t have to take her to an amusement park, but I recommend that he choose the venue, with back-up plans. I love it when the date is going well and the guy suggests new places we can go to carry on the date. It’s nice to create a change in ambiance, movement, and point of interest.

Once attraction has already been established, take her bike riding by the beach, go for a hike, eat dinner at a well-reviewed restaurant, have a drink at a really “in” bar, go to an art gallery, or invite her to a party. The possibilities are limitless—and not expensive. There are great things to do in the city that cost little money: street fairs, farmer’s markets, museums. For example, I recently had a humorous outing at the Psychiatry: Industry of Death Museum in Los Angeles. It was free-of-charge and triggered a lot of stimulating discussion after.

Now I know men think that their presence should be valuable enough. “I just have to be myself,” they might argue. Yes, they should be themselves—the best of themselves: interesting, fun, inquisitive, proactive, and giving. So if you’re unsure of a woman’s desire to accept your offer for a date, give her the added value of a fun outing or unique venue. Men might also think, “why do I have to do all the work?” The answer is because she’s not sure if she’s into, and she can take you or leave you unless you step up. Don’t worry, eventually she’ll start making plans, too, especially after you put in the initial effort. (And if she’s not interested, she probably won’t take you up on your offer, but at least you made a CLEAR offer!)

So keep a list of fun places to take a woman. That doesn’t mean going overboard to do whatever it takes to please her. I know a man who, in a valiant attempt at a first date, took me to a picnic at a park—at night—filled with scary looking men. We ended up at a restaurant. It should be a venue that you enjoy as well.

Most women like it when a man takes a lead on a date, and most women like it when a guy shows her a good time. It’s not just about a woman’s materialistic desire to experience the world on a man’s dime. When a man takes women out on fun and interesting dates, he demonstrates that he wants to spend time with her, that he’s attentive, that he likes to be with her in public (as opposed to just the bedroom), that he has an interesting and fun life, and that she is worth effort. Actions speak louder than words, even words as lofty as the ones listed at the start of this blog.

Visit Orit’s website on the art of seduction and dating, MANsch, and check out her eBook, Survival of the Shittest, on the subject of subtle, subconscious tests that women give men.

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