Jewish Journal

Who’s Responsible? Men or Women

by Orit Arfa

December 18, 2009 | 5:48 pm

A friend of mine sent me this anonymous post on craigslist which accuses women of missing out on great guys because they don’t give the “nice guys” a chance. The poster calls himself “a recovering nice guy”, and he seemingly needs to vent. The post begs the question: should women learn to become more attracted to the less sexually appealing “nice guys” who offer them full friendship and devotion but who don’t push their buttons sexually? Or is that like teaching a woman to undo psychological conditioning? Is it better, then, that the “nice guy” learns to become a MANsch, treating women with respect and integrity while also knowing how to turn them on?

I think it’s a mixture of both. Women should understand better and modify their patterns of attraction to the non-mensches without compromising on sexual attraction, and these proverbial “nice guys” (mensches) could improve their appearance, lifestyles, and communication with women to make themselves alluring romantic options.

Click here to read the full craigslist post, excerpted below:

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were “just friends.” Besides, he totally wasn’t your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you’re single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?”

Well, once again, you did.


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