February 10, 2011 | 1:16 am

Lessons from “Winter’s Bone”

Posted by Misha Henckel

Excellent little movie! It’s a story that embodies determination, gutsiness, unwavering loyalty, unselfish love, tenderness, and courage, as a remarkable young girl triumphs in the face of impossible odds.

Ree Dolly is a 17 year old Ozark Mountain girl, stuck in extreme poverty, dodging a family addiction to meth, and caring for a sick mother and younger brother and sister. She must find her murdered father’s body to ensure that she and her family are not thrown out of their home.

Jennifer Lawrence surprises with a performance that is entirely compelling. If you’ve never seen her before, you will be delighted by this brilliant young actress, whose commitment is felt in each and every moment on screen.

Meanwhile, Writer/Director Debra Granik’s approach is as frugal and unpretentious as the setting in the Ozarks. And she delivers with an authenticity and honesty that leaves the viewer feeling valued and respected. I am very interested in whatever she does next.

What can we learn from this film?

1. True family values!  We see what love, loyalty, and commitment really look like. Ree’s fearless and fierce loyalty to her mother and siblings is a heartwarming reminder of what family is meant to be.

2. Courage. What it takes to rise above the darkness, to stay true when all the forces around you are pushing in the other direction. Ree never wavers, even when she does not know what to do, and has nowhere to turn. She always stays true. This is what I believe, allows her to win out in the end.

I am doing a series of posts on lessons from the films nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars.

Misha Henckel guides individuals to live their ideal lives. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

1 Comments — Leave your comment

February 6, 2011 | 10:09 pm

Lessons from “Black Swan”

Posted by Misha Henckel

I saw “Black Swan,” Saturday night. As I left the theatre, I felt like throwing-up, and wondered, What would possess Darren Aronofsky to make this film!

It is the story of a ballerina, who loses her mind in her obsessive drive for perfection, a mother’s smothering love as she vicariously achieves her dreams through her daughter, a young life that is sacrificed for art, a fractured soul trapped between self-lust and self-hatred, and an unrealized sexuality seeking its way out. It may be morbidly intoxicating to some, but sickening to the rest of us. Sure the acting cannot be decried. Natalie Portman will undoubtedly take home the Oscar for Best Actress. The directing and cinematography are sublime. But art is not an excuse. And artists should take care that their work adds some good to the world. Black Swan does not!

Portman, as Nina, slides into paranoia and self-destruction, a descent brought about by her relationship with her mother and her home life. Her mother Erica (Barbara Hershey) insists she’s a “sweet girl,” dresses and undresses her, keeps her room filled with stuffed toys, and is constantly calling her cell. As she lives up to the image dictated by her mother, Nina never knows the dark side of herself. That is, until it forces its way out.

Mila Kunis, as Lily, is magical and does bring some glimpse of “wholeness” to a cast of characters who are all, in their own way, twisted or lost. Unlike Nina, Lily seems to know all sides of herself, and depicts an inner freedom that is the antidote to Nina’s suffering. But with Portman in almost every frame, there is simply too little of Lily, and too much of Nina.

Frenchman Vincent Cassel plays Thomas. He is your classic, arrogant ballet director, who uses his leading dancers and then tosses them out. All is in service of art, nothing is off limits - not their sexuality or their lives.

Film-making is perhaps the leading art-form of today’s world and is the means by which our culture reflects on itself. So what are we saying with this particular piece of work? That we are highly self-indulgent, willing to satisfy our creative and carnal whims at the expense of our higher sensibilities? The viewing audience is left to wonder, What was the purpose of this movie?

Still there are lessons to be learnt from “Black Swan”:

1. Wholeness, not perfection, is the route to success. Mistakes, miss-steps, and messing-up are a crucial part of the journey and must be embraced. Lily is an example of a more whole and balanced person, she knows her sexuality, her dark side and is willing to be passionate and to lose herself in her dancing. 

2. Parents beware! Give your kids the space to be themselves. Nina’s obsessive and self-destructive need for perfection and success is not just her own. It has been augmented geometrically by her mother, who fulfills her own repressed need for validation in Nina’s victories on the dance floor. Nina’s life may have played out very differently if her mother had chosen to live a more complete life, and had found some satisfaction of her own.
 

I am doing a series of posts on lessons from the films nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars. Up next: Lessons from “Toy Story 3.”

Misha Henckel guides individuals to live their ideal lives. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

3 Comments — Leave your comment

February 2, 2011 | 3:42 pm

Lessons from “The Kids Are All Right”

Posted by Misha Henckel

The kids may be okay, but the grown-ups are a complete mess! That was my reaction about half-way through. I mean what the heck! I thought this was going to be a really smart, funny movie that made us think again, and deeply, about marriage and family. Instead, writers Lisa Cholodenko and Stuart Blumberg, buy into all the traditional beliefs and assumptions about these societal units and leave us bereft of any new perspective or inspiration.

Nic (Annette Bening) and Jules (Julianne Moore) are a lesbian couple stuck in a hellish marriage, and are ultimately, committed to staying there. Paul (Mark Ruffalo), their sperm donor, on the other hand, refuses to commit to any meaningful relationship and spends his life, always looking in from the outside. Instead of using Jules’ affair with Paul as an opportunity to acknowledge that something is seriously wrong with their union, Nic and Jules scapegoat him and cut him out of the lives of the kids, who really yearn for his presence and input. Cruel!

According to Rottentomatoes.com, the film is a “…smart, warm statement on family values.” To which I say, “What family?!” Clearly, Paul is part of the family and they need to acknowledge that. That would have been a much more authentic and evolved way to develop the story. If they want to talk “alternative family,” then they need to go all the way. Nic should have forgiven Jules and Paul, and found a way to bring him into the family, even after the affair.

As a commentary on marriage in the 21st century, the film again falls short of depicting any possibility that would dare to inspire. “Marriage is hard. It’s really f—-ing hard. It’s just two people slogging through the sh—, year after year…” Really!? Sounds like a lot of marriages that have simply run their course, or are in need of a radical overhauling. It’s a miracle that the kids are all right. Let’s hope they stay that way, and don’t go on to make the same mistakes their parents made.

What can we learn from all this?

Marriage is still marriage, no matter how alternative it may look on the outside. It is an institution that is not naturally inclined to support the growth and development of those within it, and it can become a lot like “hell” if you’re not very careful.

So:

1. Pick your mate very wisely and with your truest heart. Make sure you know yourself very well indeed, before you choose to marry (these days, before age 32/33 – not so good) and ensure that your mate is a soul-match.

2. Allow your mate and yourself, lots of room to grow and develop. Encourage them to fulfill their potential. Don’t hold them back out of fear.

3. Should things change, be willing to face the truth and move on in a healthy way. Remember that you’re a better role model for your kids when you are honest and true to yourself. So don’t stay in a bad marriage “for the kids’ sake.”

I am doing a series of posts on lessons from the films nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars. Up next: Lessons from “Toy Story 3.”

Misha Henckel guides individuals to live their ideal lives. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

0 Comments — Leave your comment

February 1, 2011 | 8:05 am

Lessons from “Inception”

Posted by Misha Henckel

“Inception” delivers the mind-blowing it promises, and from start to finish is worth the watch.

Quite a few friends have mentioned that they had a hard time figuring out what exactly was fact and what was not, within the story. They found it hard to keep up with the action, or to be clear about what was happening at any point in time. For me it was all very simple: forget about Leo DiCaprio, Ellen Paige or Marion Cotillard. There is only one star of “Inception,” and that is unquestionably, writer/director Christopher Nolan.  What we are getting is a 148 minute tour of Nolan’s psyche. Once you’ve figured out that the movie is all about him, you can stop worrying about what you’re not quite getting, and begin to enjoy the twists and turns and changing speeds of what is really quite a fascinating story.

It is a brilliantly conceived notion set within the landscape and architecture of the mind, that reveals the ways in which the innermost sanctum of our being can be penetrated and invaded by outsiders, seeking to know our deepest secrets and to gain control of us by planting an idea in our consciousness. It’s clear to me that the film finds its own inception in what must be, some degree, of extreme paranoia. If I were interviewing Nolan, I would want to ask him about what drives him, about what he fears the most, and about what exactly it is that he might be hiding.

What can we learn from this movie?

More than anything, “Inception” can get us to open our minds, question ourselves, and to look again at how we shape our lives from within: 
                                             
1. Some of what we believe is real, may in fact be merely figments of our imagination.   
                                 
2. We may be walking around in the architecture of our own minds. Creating our own reality and then getting lost in it.

3. If we redesign our mind – our ideas and beliefs – our lives could well be very different.

I am doing a series of posts on the films nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars. Up next: Lessons from “The Kids Are All Right.”

Misha Henckel guides individuals to live their ideal lives. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

0 Comments — Leave your comment

January 30, 2011 | 5:03 pm

Zuckerberg “Shows Up” on Saturday Night Live

Posted by Misha Henckel

It takes an inordinate degree of courage to “show up” in front of the world and poke fun at yourself. And it must be even more difficult if you’re particularly diffident and socially awkward. But Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg found himself on SNL last night, along with host, Jesse Eisenberg who portrays him in “The Social Network.” There was much speculation as to whether Zuckerberg would be willing to be a part of the show, and it could not have been an easy choice to make. But it was the right one!
It’s so easy for us to sit on the sidelines and comment on the lives of people in the spotlight. How would we like if the tables were turned? Not at all!
Kudos to Zuckerberg! Click on the link to see the clip.
Zuckerberg, Eisenberg SNL

0 Comments — Leave your comment

January 30, 2011 | 3:41 pm

Lessons from “The Social Network”

Posted by Misha Henckel

“The Social Network” is mostly a commentary on the life and personality of Facebook creator, Mark Zuckerberg. I finally watched it last night. Based on reports and reviews, I was prepared to despise the man. Instead, I felt nothing but admiration, and in all honesty a little bit of envy. Portrayed by Jesse Eisenberg, Zuckerberg comes across as a young genius, focused, passionate and not inclined to betray himself. He has an idea and he relentlessly pursues its realization, staying true to his vision, while adapting to the needs of the marketplace as they emerge. When he’s sued by various parties, including his best friend and co-founder, Eduardo Saverin (Andrew Garfield), Zuckerberg effectively defends himself and his actions, and his authenticity comes through. As one of his attorneys, Marylin Delpy (Rashida Jones) says in the closing line of the movie, “You’re not an asshole, Mark. You’re just trying really hard to be one.”

The film has received critical acclaim from a wide range of sources. And while I agree that Eisenberg deserves his Oscar nomination, and the directing is first rate, I was not that impressed with the overall product. Maybe Aaron Sorkin’s focus on Zuckerberg’s social ineptitude and not on the real “bad guys” – the greedy, entitled Winklevoss twins, makes the storyline too narrow. I am no movie critic but I am very confident that “The Social Network” is not the best film of the past year, and I doubt it will take any of the key categories on Oscar night.

The movie’s worth lies much more in the window it opens onto Mark Zuckerberg himself. As much as we may want to dislike him, truth is, the real estate of today and the future belongs to those who are willing to be focused, innovative, and dedicated, those who have a vision and who go out and get it done. Unlike many of us who may have a great idea and then get in our own way, and shut ourselves down, Zuckerberg never doubts himself. He simply, relentlessly pursues his objective. Nothing halfway!

Most of us are far too scared to commit completely to anything. But that is what it takes to create something new and relevant, a product or service that meets people’s needs. And this is the way we must think in today’s very different world.

Here are the steps:

1. Look around and uncover a real need people have, that is not being met, or not being adequately met. It doesn’t have to be something huge. Could be something simple, community-based. Something you have the skill-set to meet.

2. Map out a vision to meet that need.

3. Pull together a small team.

4. Implement with total focus, commitment, and belief in yourself!

5. Don’t be afraid to adapt as needed.

I am doing a series of posts on the films nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars. Up next: Lessons from “Inception.”

Misha Henckel guides individuals to live their ideal lives. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email misha@mishahenckel.com

5 Comments — Leave your comment

January 27, 2011 | 10:02 pm

Lessons from “The King’s Speech”

Posted by Misha Henckel

Everyone must see “The King’s Speech!” This is a film about courage, inner strength, perseverance and finding one’s voice and one Self. It is about showing up even in the face of overwhelming odds, and about the value of true friendship.

It’s a true story based on the life of Albert, Duke of York, who has suffered with a crippling stammer since early childhood. We find the prince being required to conquer his impediment when he is thrust into the spotlight, unexpectedly becoming the King of England. As the new King George VI, “Bertie” must transcend his fears and himself, and use his voice, via radio, to lead his people, as Britain and the world plunge into what will become World War II.

The cast excels. Colin Firth simply shows up, seamlessly integrated into the character of George VI. This is not acting. It is being, and being simply brilliant. Firth, once again, commands our respect with his trademark, understated yet evocative delivery. And Geoffrey Rush? As Lionel Rogue, Speech Therapist and “life coach” to His Majesty, Rush is delightful, intriguing and inspiring. He is such a master. Helena Bonham Carter holds her own, as the loyal and supportive wife, although there are slight moments when the edge on her voice is a bit reminiscent of Bellatrix Lestrange (of Harry Potter fame) and not the compassionate Queen Elizabeth. I would have softened her just a tad more. But all in all, she is also excellent.

David Seidler’s writing is noteworthy. It is clean and crisp, with not a wasted word. I expect this film to do very, very well on Oscar night. I give it an A+.

For me, ultimately, the movie’s success derives from its underlying message of encouragement, and inspiration, and its demonstration of self-transcendence. It is precisely the kind of movie to watch as we grapple with our own unique challenges, seek the courage and strength to uncover and express our own voices, or as we attempt to rise beyond the fears of a traumatic childhood and become the person we are meant to be.

What can we learn?

• Anything can be transcended, no matter how impossible it may seem.
• The true friend is the one who will tell you the truth, even when you may not want to hear it.
• If you love someone, you will support them to become the best they can be. You won’t hold them back.

I am doing a series of posts on the films nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars. Up next: Lessons from “The Social Network.”

Misha Henckel guides individuals to live their ideal lives. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

1 Comments — Leave your comment

January 25, 2011 | 12:17 am

Let’s Finally Stop Sweeping the Guns Under the Rug

Posted by Misha Henckel

Since the Tucson massacre, the issue of gun control has risen to the top of the news pile, and has been the focus of several interviews on primetime news programs and an avalanche of articles in the major print publications across the country. We have had impassioned pleas from visiting French philosopher, Bernard-Henri Levy (CNN Parker/Spitzer) and just tonight, an excellent overview by Katie Couric with NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg (CBS Evening News/Katie Couric).

In the last few decades, close to half a million Americans have been murdered with guns, and every day, 34 more, are added to that number. Who can forget Columbine and Virginia Tech? And I can readily name five other shooting incidents, since Tucson, including two at schools here in Los Angeles.

No, things are not okay in America!

I’m sure it is the hope of many of us, that after the gunning down of Congresswoman Giffords, and the death of so many innocents, including little Christina Green, we won’t just sweep the guns under the rug and move on the next horror of the hour, as we are so much in the habit of doing.

Theoretically, it should be simple enough to make the kinds of changes we need: to at the very least, enforce the existing gun laws and restore the ban on assault weapons that expired in 2004. But since this is America, anything to do with guns seems well beyond the realm of common sense and basic morality. Nope, this is not the place for the average reasonable man or woman, this is the domain of the NRA. What should be a few, relatively, simple decisions made to protect the lives of innocent citizens, is instead a complicated political battle. Meanwhile, every day 34 more lives are lost.

This past week, as I wondered where the next shooting would be, if I would be among the next group of terrified parents waiting to learn if my child was the latest victim at school, or as I started looking over my shoulder in parking lots and askance at strange men, who may or may not be carrying a concealed weapon, “If he starts shooting I could duck behind that car,” I knew there had to be something we could do.

I believe there is almost always a lesson to be learned from our experiences, individually and collectively. Perhaps it is time for us to learn that we can no longer sweep this overwhelmingly, crucial issue under the rug and pretend things are okay. Neither can we cower in fear, or pass the buck and leave things up to those in Washington. We are a democracy. That places the burden of power with us, the people, whether we exercise it or not. So we must act!

A little research reveals that Bloomberg’s non-partisan Mayors Against Illegal Guns and the national campaign to Fix Gun Checks is an organization that is worthy of support. If you haven’t already done so, I urge you to click on the link www.fixgunchecks.org and add your voice to the petition to urge Congress to “keep guns out of the hands of dangerous people.” And then urge your friends to do the same. It is not close to enough, but it is a step in the right direction.

Misha Henckel guides individuals to live their ideal lives. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

2 Comments — Leave your comment

January 19, 2011 | 11:17 am

Some Concrete Steps to Make Today Awesome

Posted by Misha Henckel

In my last post, I lauded Piers Morgan for showing up in his interview of Oprah and doing a great job. The question is how can we do that, show up in our own lives? Well here are some concrete steps that you can use to show up and make your day amazing.

1. Remember that even when you don’t know it, you’re shaping your experience of life. So take charge and commit to making the rest of the day the best it could possibly be.

2. Now, breathe, and get out of your head and into the present moment. How? Imagine your energy moving out of your head, where it’s likely been running riot, and into your body, your core.

3. Next, smile, even if you don’t want to. Now let your heart smile.

4. Finally, pick the three things that need to get done that would most impact your life. Then one by one, take the first tiny step toward getting them done. Tomorrow you can take the next step. But at least get things in motion. Make those calls that you need to make, especially the ones you’ve been avoiding. Just take action!

And that’s it. Already you’re going to be feeling quite good about yourself, and the day is suddenly awesome.

Misha Henckel guides individuals to live their ideal lives. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

1 Comments — Leave your comment

January 18, 2011 | 3:58 pm

Piers Morgan Proves He’s the Right Choice with Smashing Interview of Oprah!

Posted by Misha Henckel

For those of us who were watching to see if Larry King’s shoes would be filled, or not, Piers Morgan delivered. He was smart, perceptive, direct, and ultimately impressive. When he asked Oprah at the end, how he had done, she answered, “Surprising! And that’s good. You always want to be surprised.”

He left the cynical, biting British take that we have become so familiar with on “America’s Got Talent” at home and delivered the best interview of Oprah that I have ever seen. I mean forget Barbara Walters. Piers gave us the real Oprah. He finally unveiled the woman. I have seen so much of Oprah, but nothing ever so human, so likable as this. I did not expect it. He was surprising indeed.

I’m sure that in prepping for the interview with the “most powerful woman in the world” he reviewed a dossier of details about her life. I’m sure he was very concerned about doing an impeccable job. But at no time did he seem rehearsed, or too studied or forced. He did not rush the questions. He listened. It was a real conversation, not just a celebrity-grilling for the viewers. And it felt really good.

So how did he do it?

It’s called showing up. And it is undoubtedly the single most important component to any success. Last night, Piers Morgan showed up. He was present, fully in the moment, completely committed to what he was doing.

Could you imagine, if we were to really show up, how different our lives would be? Think of it. If you were fully present, not holding back, but giving your all to each moment, totally committed to being your best. Those dreams you have for your life may finally become real. ( And I’m being entirely serious.)

As for Mr. Morgan, I don’t think he will ever replace Larry King or fill his shoes. He doesn’t need to. Already, I’m convinced that as long as he keeps showing up fully as Piers Morgan, we will all be watching.

Misha Henckel guides individuals to live their ideal lives. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

0 Comments — Leave your comment

January 17, 2011 | 3:35 pm

Top 5 Life Lessons from the Golden Globes

Posted by Misha Henckel

Don’t be afraid to speak the truth – Ricky Gervais for calling everyone, especially the Hollywood Foreign Press, on their s***. Some people may not be liking him right now, but I thought he was fantastic (well, for the most part), and made the show interesting.

Don’t be afraid to go after your dreams, however improbable - Paul Giamatti wins again. He’s certainly not let his physical attributes (short, fat, bald) get in the way of him shooting for the top. He is an inspiration for us all to not hold back.

Remember to thank the people who are really most important – Claire Danes accepting for Temple Grandin. Behind the success of this film was a great human story, and Danes never forgot that. She did an impeccable job thanking Temple herself, for all the amazing work she has done for autism. Probably the most meaningful moment of the evening.

Knowing how to lose is as important as winning - Julianne Moore for being absolutely graceful while losing to cast mate Annette Bening. It doesn’t get better than that. Moore was just the epitome of everything an accomplished woman should be, and it didn’t feel fake. Julianne is a class act!

We all need some therapy, doesn’t matter if we’re super-beautiful and accomplished - Natalie Portman accepting for Best Actress. This was just embarrassing. No one needed to know whether her fiancé wants to sleep with her or not. That’s private and personal and is a conversation best kept between herself and her therapist.

Misha Henckel guides individuals to live their ideal lives. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

0 Comments — Leave your comment

January 13, 2011 | 12:06 am

Debbie Friedman - Mourning into Dancing

Posted by Misha Henckel

I didn’t know Debbie Friedman… I’d met her, and seen her perform a number of times. But I didn’t know her, not like those of my friends who’d spent many a day creating music with her, or learning from her, or sharing the bimah with her. But all week I haven’t been able to get her off my mind – the tremendous gift that her life has been and the overwhelming loss of her passing. I woke this morning with the latter pressing on my mind and heart, and I couldn’t understand why. Then as the day progressed it became clear – I did know Debbie. I knew her well. I’ve sung her songs and swayed to her music, Shabbat after Shabbat. I’ve tuned into prayer with the melodies that originated on her guitar and from her heart, so much so, that those songs have become part of the very fabric of who I am as a Jew. Yes, though I hadn’t spent any time with Debbie, through her music, she had been my teacher and my friend, as she was to so many millions of our people.

This week was one of great loss and pain to those who were close to her. And yet with her life she left us with so much. She had transformed our worship, our community, our lives. She was unrelenting in getting us to reclaim our individual capacity to connect with the divine, within and around us. And she modeled for us a soul commitment that we can only dream of attaining in our own lives. Watching Debbie perform was to see someone who was surrendered to her soul. If we can take anything from her remarkable life it may be to learn to give ourselves over completely to our own souls, to our own journeys, no matter how challenging or painful it may be, for in that commitment we complete God’s creation of us.

Words from Debbie’s You Turn My Mourning into Dancing
“You turn my mourning into dancing
So that my soul might sing to You
So that my soul sing to You
And it not be still.”

0 Comments — Leave your comment