January 6, 2011 | 2:41 pm

The World Was Created for Me…

Posted by Misha Henckel

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is a concept in Judaism that is so important for us to remember. Each of us is unique, significant and valuable simply because we exist. We don’t need to prove ourselves worthy, we already are. We were created worthy. But we must believe that. If we don’t, life can become quite miserable. We can spend our days on a hamster wheel of constantly proving that we are good enough.

The world was created for me, and you, and everyone else. What a wonderful thing to know. Let’s breathe that in, and let go of the fight. Let’s embrace the amazing creation that we are, bring our light out, and share it with others.

Misha Henckel guides individuals to live their ideal lives. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

December 30, 2010 | 3:25 pm

Free Will and Resolutions

Posted by Misha Henckel

Life is terrible! The economy sucks! And things are only getting worse.

I’ve been thinking about how messed up our world is and wondering just how things could have gotten this way. Or maybe they always were. But why? Why in all of creation are things here on earth so bad? And then it hit me, this is the land of FREE WILL. Here we have the right to choose for ourselves. We have the freedom to make every kind of bad choice. And it all adds up… to one colossal, global mess.

And there doesn’t seem to be a lot we can do about that.

But then I thought, even if we have a tendency to make mistakes, FREE WILL can also be used to focus on the good. And you know what they say, whatever you focus on expands.

So in contemplating my resolutions for the new calendar year, I’ve been tinkering with the idea of focusing on and embracing all the tiny little bits of good that exist, even in the midst of the mess.
Instead of lamenting the terrible economy, the political conflict, the global disasters, maybe I could embrace and enjoy my (thankfully, for now) excellent health, my beautiful kids and the precious little time I have before they go off to college, the unbelievable circle of friends and community that I have, and the truly special people that life has unexpectedly brought me.

We can spend a lifetime fighting with life, and with its unfairness and injustices. But life can also be sweet and filled with joy and beauty, and real pleasure. Those are the things that empower us to get up and deal with the very real challenges that we are duty-bound to address.

In 2011, I resolve to use my FREE WILL to seek out the beauty, the joy, the magic that is there in life and to share that with everyone I know.

Make a list of all that is good in your life. If you can’t think of anything, keep at it. You need to find at least 100 things, people, or qualities that are truly good. On January 1st put down the first thing, and each night after that add at least one item to the list. Take time to go over the list. Share it with your family and loved ones. Challenge them to do the same. During the day, choose to make your conversations focus on those good things and not all the challenges that surround you. At the dinner table, talk about what is wonderful in your family - that you have each other, that you get to share this time and this life together. Do the same with your friends when you see them. Remember focusing on the good creates more good. Then you can go do more good in the world.

Misha Henckel guides individuals to live their ideal lives. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

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December 16, 2010 | 8:27 am

The Power of Humility

Posted by Misha Henckel

Humility is not something we naturally seek out. It is a quality that we gain, generally against our will. We often spend our days doing our level best to avoid the kinds of circumstances that teach us humility. But humility brings many benefits. When you are truly humble, it means the hard shell of the ego has been cracked open and your essence can shine through. With your soul finally laid bare, your chances of life really working out for you are significantly greater. And there are very good reasons why.

Humility puts us in synch with the Universe, and opens up possibilities of Life working in new and perhaps easier ways. When we are humble we recognize that we are just human, that we will fail, and that we are all, eventually, in the same boat. This awareness can transform our relationships. With our hearts open, we begin to see others in a new light. And we become ready to give and receive love and kindness – that which nourishes and strengthens our inner self and our bonds with others. Humility may be exactly the tweaking we need for our lives to fall right into place.

Thankfully, we don’t have to wait for Life to humble us. We can practice humility by seeing ourselves in the eyes of our fellow human beings – whether it’s Angelina and Brad, the homeless man at the street corner, or the friend who is facing a great challenge.

Misha Henckel guides individuals to live their ideal lives. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

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December 10, 2010 | 1:09 pm

Trust

Posted by Misha Henckel

When clients start working with me, almost invariably, they come seeking a greater sense of control in their lives. The need for control is a very natural inclination for us. Control brings certainty in an uncertain world and with that comes a measure of security. Or so we hope.

Trouble is we plan and G-d so often has another design in mind.

In helping people find the deep inner sense of safety that they’re looking for, I guide them to do the opposite of that tendency to control. I teach them to surrender and to trust. Surrender to the flow of Life, and Trust that they have the capacity to match and rise above whatever Life may bring their way.

Life is always and entirely beyond our control. All we’re meant to do is accept it for what it is, recognize the flow and then show up for ourselves. Each of us has a unique role to dance in the much larger choreography of life. And that’s all we need to do. But we must do it. We must dance our dance. And we must trust that we are what it takes to live our particular life just the way it needs to be lived. Therein lies real security.

Misha Henckel guides individuals to live their ideal lives. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

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December 1, 2010 | 2:33 pm

Courage

Posted by Misha Henckel

It takes courage to keep moving forward when you don’t know exactly where you’re going, and when life’s twists and turns have left you more than a little unsure of yourself. It takes courage… And it takes a deep belief in oneself to not give up when it seems like the odds are stacked against you. The task may seem ominous, but we, humans, have the capacity to rise above, to forge ahead, to transcend. Not only can we do this, but we must! It is our very purpose - to take what life presents and to fashion from it something beautiful.

In these unusual days, it so important to remember that the impossible situation we may face is merely an opportunity that life is giving us, to find that part of ourselves where we are greater than the challenge, whatever it may be.

Happy Chanukah everyone!

Misha Henckel guides individuals to live their ideal lives. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

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November 24, 2010 | 3:57 pm

Being Grateful

Posted by Misha Henckel

We all know that it is important to be grateful. But how many of us actually practice gratitude? No! We are more likely to spend our time worrying or kvetching about all the things that are going wrong or that are likely to go wrong. If instead, we would take time to be grateful our quality of life would immediately and exponentially improve.

Practicing gratitude means we’re focusing on all that we have – our gifts and abilities, the people who love us and whom we love, our community, all that we get to experience on life’s journey, and the many material blessings that we do have. Even in the most difficult of circumstances there is often so much that we have to be grateful for, and focusing on the good helps us to transcend the challenges. Gratitude also attunes us with the source of all goodness, and allows us to receive more of what we want.

Make a list of all the special people and meaningful things you have. Take your time and put down everything that is wonderful in your life. And have a Thanksgiving filled with gratitude!

Misha Henckel guides individuals to live their ideal lives. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

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November 14, 2010 | 10:24 pm

Delight in the Small Things

Posted by Misha Henckel

Abraham Maslow wrote, “The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.”  In today’s increasingly chaotic and uncertain world these words were never more relevant or applicable.  But it’s not easy to be present. Is it? We may want to be in the moment. But our mind? Well, it has another agenda altogether. And our multi-tasking, technology-driven, social media lives seem to be all about being everywhere but here and now.

So what can we do?

Being present is not easy, but it is fairly simple. We have to connect with what is real, be aware of where we are, use our senses, feel our bodies. In fact, being aware of our physical being is the immediate and direct antidote to the willfulness of our mind - which would likely take us spinning in any direction.

As we go through the day, it helps to pay attention to the small things: the taste on our tongue of the coffee that we’re sipping, the smell and feel of the soap as we shower, the beauty of the sky as we drive on the freeway (yes – I’m in LA), our breath – in and out. Truth is there is nowhere but here, no time but now. What we do with this moment creates the experience of the next moment. And the power to create our lives, to make it beautiful, special, filled with love, happiness and success, comes from being fully conscious of what is, right now. So - let’s delight in the small things, it’s the only path to what we seek.

Misha Henckel guides individuals to live their ideal lives. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email misha@mishahenckel.com

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October 26, 2010 | 11:48 am

Change and Our Path

Posted by Misha Henckel

Relentless change whittles away at our egos, and it’s painful. But less ego, means more room for our essence. With the ego tempered more of our soul can shine through. And our souls are what we need. It is our soul that allows us to be really happy, successful, and prosperous. It may be on a path that is different to our ego’s path, but that’s okay because it would be our true path. And that’s the only path we want to be on, for as we know, life is all about the journey…

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October 19, 2010 | 8:36 pm

Acceptance

Posted by Misha Henckel

Seems like we are walking through times that are filled with all sorts of difficulties, and it is quite universal. Almost everyone I know is feeling it in one way or another, whether in their pocketbook, their significant relationship or marriage, their health, or with the loss of their job or of a loved one.

It is not fun when our lives are shaken up by change. We humans really, really like certainty and security. But these are clearly not the times for that. So what are we to do? The challenge of intense change is here. How should we respond?

I have been contemplating this very deeply, of late, for in my case, I have been facing the recent, and very unexpected death of a younger brother. In the midst of the pain, the sadness, the discomfort of dealing with this loss, the answer is clear: I must simply accept what is. 

This is vital for me right now, and for everyone who is faced with difficult circumstances. Acceptance does not mean resignation, giving up, or not taking needed action. Acceptance means we are connected with reality. It means that we are not pretending, avoiding or sticking our heads in the sand. Only when we accept what is, can we take the next step and make the necessary response.

I have a client, an amazing and gifted woman, who is dealing with the loss of a parent and of her job in the same month. Impossible stuff! But by staying in the moment, by not giving into fearful interpretations of what is happening, and mostly by completely accepting what is, she is rapidly moving into a place where she is able to create new possibilities for herself.

We can spend a lot of time arguing with reality, “Why is this happening to me?”

Or fighting with ourselves, “How could I be so stupid!”

We could get stuck in worry, self doubt, or negative thinking and believe the world is crashing down around us. But none of that is of any use, it only makes matters worse. Simply accepting the circumstance or event, without making up stories about what it means, is the best, first-response to a big life challenge.

Acceptance means being present. It means breathing in and out. It means feeling the feeling, whatever it may be. And acceptance allows us to act potently.

El Malei Rachamim is the traditional memorial prayer wherein we ask the divine to reclaim the soul of our departed loved one. It is a prayer based on the deepest acceptance of the true nature of life. And as I found out, it is a most powerful, most remarkable prayer for wholeness and completion.

Yes, acceptance is the foundation for transcending whatever challenge we may be facing. For as much as it may seem otherwise, we are not victims of life. Within us, resides our soul, that divine spark that can fill us with the inner strength and courage we need so that we can accept change, move forward, create anew.

Misha Henckel leads workshops and advises business leaders and world changers. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email misha@mishahenckel.com

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September 23, 2010 | 1:29 pm

How to Forgive? Create a Change of Heart

Posted by Misha Henckel

When you get right down to the nitty gritty of actually forgiving someone, what you’re really doing amounts to a change of heart.

That’s right! Forgiveness means changing the condition of your heart.

When we judge someone, or we hold a grudge, when we are bitter or resentful, we carry those feelings in our heart. Our hearts are affected by the feelings we carry in them. They become hardened, walled up, cold.

Imagine that! The most important organ in our body, the center of our inner strength, the portal of our soul – shut down by anger, bitterness or resentment.

That’s just no way to live!

Our hearts are meant to be radiant and powerful, filled with love, and with the light of our souls pouring out. Our hearts are meant to be used to make our lives and the lives of those around us joyful… wonderful.

Of course, there will always be people who hurt us, in big and small ways. That’s just part of the human journey. But then it’s for us to do the work to release that person from their act of hurt, to free ourselves from the entrapment of bitterness, to get right down to our hearts and open them up again to life.

That’s the real work for us humans – to forgive, to transform the pain, to change our hearts, to let love flow. Everyday of the year!

Misha Henckel leads workshops and advises business leaders and world changers. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email mis.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

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September 15, 2010 | 6:49 am

Taking Forgiveness Deeper

Posted by Misha Henckel

Forgiveness is something we need to be practicing all year round. Without it, how could our relationships possibly survive? Truth is they don’t. So many of our relationships are barely alive, the light in them snuffed out by the toxic baggage of suppressed resentment, anger, or even rage. We may be walking through our days and our relationships just going through the motions, having long given up on the other person, having long given up on ourselves. They have hurt us, we believe, not necessarily in big ways, but unrelentingly in small ways. They do not see us for who we really are. They do not hear us anymore. They believe they know us, but they don’t. And that’s the pain – it’s what the numbness inside now hides.

Deeper forgiveness, the forgiveness for the little things, this can breathe life back into relationships. When we forgive the other, we are able to see them with new eyes and hear them with fresh ears. And love can flow again - Love, the healer of all things, the bringer of new possibilities.

This season of repentance (and throughout the year) Dear G-d, let me give of forgiveness to all, that I may be able to look at those in my life anew, that I may once again share love with those that I love.  Amen.

Misha Henckel leads workshops and advises business leaders and world changers. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

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September 4, 2010 | 6:14 pm

A Time to Forgive

Posted by Misha Henckel

This is the time for repentance, return, transformation – and the key to it all is forgiveness: Asking for forgiveness, and forgiving.

We ask forgiveness of G-d and of others, and we can forgive others.

To engage in any degree of forgiveness takes real work, digging deep, being willing to be open, and opening for transformation - the stuff of real growth. At this time of year, this “real work” awaits us with a greater degree of urgency and we become more aware that we must forgive. What we may not know, what we may overlook, is that not only must we forgive others but we must forgive ourselves.

The transformation, the healing, the wholeness that forgiveness brings is not complete unless we are willing to release the anger, judgement, guilt, or shame that we hold against ourselves. Forgiveness finds its fullness when we ask for and find the capacity to grant ourselves forgiveness.

I have found that if I am struggling to forgive someone, what works is to first forgive myself for whatever went wrong. It doesn’t matter that you may perceive the other person to be the wrongdoer. Forgiving yourself allows a deeper inner openness, a release, that allows you to let go and more easily forgive the other. It also allows the forgiveness to be true and complete.

How many times have you “forgiven” someone only to find that the hurt is still there, that you still hold a grudge, that you are still angry and not free of the past? Forgiving yourself can help complete the forgiveness process and allow you to truly break free of the past and open to new beginnings. Forgiving yourself may be the key to healing a long broken relationship, or to transforming hurt and pain and becoming available to more wholeness.

At this season of deep inner work may we find the willingness not only to forgive all who’ve hurt us, but to forgive ourselves, that we may move forward with greater freedom and wholeness.

Misha Henckel leads workshops and advises business leaders and world changers. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

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July 27, 2010 | 11:45 am

What We’ve All Been Waiting For

Posted by Misha Henckel

So and so lost their job, has cancer, is getting divorced, has a child with autism, lost their sister in a car accident, lost all their retirement money in the downturn…

Used to be that bad things happened to “other” people, and we believed we were somehow immured from the “downs” of life. Today, those illusions are gone. “So and so” are you and me. These past few years in particular, Life has been intent on waking us from our delusions of self. We have been provided an endless array of challenges, with each person getting just the kind needed to rip through our defenses, bring us to our knees and force us to face reality.

But why? Why couldn’t it all just be a wonderful flow of happiness, prosperity, and good things? Loss and pain is a part of life, but why has it intensified?

It’s not because Life is out to get us, or that we are being punished for our sins, or any such pessimistic view. Through the right lenses these challenge-full times can be the doorway to exactly the life that we are seeking, and happiness, true prosperity and all good things may very well await us. Should we cease resisting the path and embrace all that we encounter, we may find that we are learning to live in a new way. And that new way provides all that we could ask for.

In accepting our “loss” we are able to release the shenanigans of the ego. As we are freed of the ego we come into the present moment.

Living in the present is the answer to whatever we may be facing. It is the new way of being required to live on this planet.

Why?

In the present, our souls can come through… And isn’t that what we’ve all been waiting for? The power, the joy, the genius of our soul.

Misha Henckel leads workshops and coaches business leaders and world changers. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

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June 17, 2010 | 10:36 am

Dead Ends Can Lead to New Paths

Posted by Misha Henckel

If you’ve ever felt stuck, helpless, like your life has come to an end and you do not know what to do, you do not know what comes next, or you do not know which way to turn, then you know exactly how I had been feeling for a while. It’s quite horrible, really, and so there’s a term for it - psychological IMPASSE. It’s as if everything you know no longer applies. It just no longer works. So you try harder, put in more effort, give it your all and still nothing happens. Living has become impossible. As if the rules for Life have changed and no one saw it fit to tell you.

I know I’m not the only one who, in these past months, has felt something akin to this.

We are in this period of intense global change – multi-paradigm shifts, all at the same time. The result in layman’s terms – the (bleep) is hitting the fan. And everybody is affected either at a macro level or more directly in our personal lives. For me it’s been the ending of one phase of my life and the need to begin a new chapter. Took me a while to figure it out, but then it was clear that it was time for me to really be getting on with what I know I’m meant to be doing.

Easier said than done!

When the change around us is comprehensive, we need to change ourselves. As I was working though my own need to change myself, my modus operandi, and my beliefs about myself and the world, I came across a rather remarkable book: Getting Unstuck: How Dead Ends Become New Paths by Timothy Butler (Harvard University Press).  It is brilliant and perfect for the time, and I strongly recommend it for anyone and everyone.

According to Butler, one of the signs of IMPASSE is the feeling of self-doubt that begins to creep up on you. Life as you’ve done it is no longer working and you are beginning to doubt yourself. Maybe you made the wrong choice. Or, maybe you don’t have it in you; you’re just not good enough. I found myself questioning things I had never ever doubted before. Maybe I was in the wrong profession after all. Or maybe, it’s impossible to raise kids single-handedly and do things I wanted to do. You know, take my work to a whole other level.  Perhaps I should just wait till they grew up… Or maybe I should chuck it all in and get a “regular” job.

My “old” ways of doing things were no longer working, and I couldn’t find the way out. I certainly could not create new possibilities with old methods, beliefs, or ways of thinking. This is a classic symptom of IMPASSE, according to Butler. A trigger event (usually some significant change or loss) brings us to a dead end and we are forced to look at life differently because if we continue to “use the old ways it will just mean more pain.”

While it can seem like a traumatic experience, one to be avoided at all costs, IMPASSE actually is a very powerful means toward “breakthrough.” It signifies the coming to an end of one chapter of life, or of a particular role, or way of being. When we are caught in an IMPASSE crisis, we are required to let go of the old and step into the new.

It is unquestionably human nature to sink into the comfort of the familiar, even when we know in our hearts that it’s doing nothing for us. The pain of IMPASSE forces us to awaken, to be open and vulnerable, to release the clutches of past habits and patterns and to embrace the path forward – even when we don’t know what to do, or how to do it, and there are no guarantees. 

For me, IMPASSE was forcing me to give up patterns that I had used all my life. Those patterns had always “worked” for me. But now, for what I wanted to do next, for where I needed to go, those patterns were the problem.  I have always been the self-sufficient, I can do all by myself, let’s take on the world and win, kind of person. And that had to change. Moving forward, I am going to have to really open up to input, guidance, and support from others. Lots and lots of it! It’s my new path… Write and tell me about yours. misha@mishahenckel.com

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June 3, 2010 | 9:25 pm

The Gaza Flotilla Tragedy (NOT Just Another Opinion)

Posted by Misha Henckel

Like so many others, I have been deeply disturbed and quite despondent over recent events in the waters off of Gaza. I wanted to write something here, but was loath to add to the wanton opining from a distance by many who seem so ready to add fuel to an already raging conflagration.

Then earlier today, I received some words of wisdom from my friend Rabbi Ken Chasen - guidance that I believe provides both the perspective and the intention we need to have in response to the crisis. I have shared them with you below:

Ever since we awakened on Memorial Day to the awful news regarding the Gaza flotilla tragedy, our hearts have been heavy with concern, both for the dead and wounded and for the future of Israel and its neighbors.  As we have attempted to sort through our own feelings of despair and outrage, we have been immersed in a sea of conflicting accounts, opinions and condemnations, all of which have served to confuse more than to clarify.  We will surely need to display some patience in order to understand the specifics of what did and did not happen on that ship off of Gaza, but in the meantime, we do not have the luxury of patience as we seek to do our part in charting a course that ensures a democratic Israel living peacefully with its neighbors.