September 23, 2010 | 1:29 pm

How to Forgive? Create a Change of Heart

Posted by Misha Henckel

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When you get right down to the nitty gritty of actually forgiving someone, what you’re really doing amounts to a change of heart.

That’s right! Forgiveness means changing the condition of your heart.

When we judge someone, or we hold a grudge, when we are bitter or resentful, we carry those feelings in our heart. Our hearts are affected by the feelings we carry in them. They become hardened, walled up, cold.

Imagine that! The most important organ in our body, the center of our inner strength, the portal of our soul – shut down by anger, bitterness or resentment.

That’s just no way to live!

Our hearts are meant to be radiant and powerful, filled with love, and with the light of our souls pouring out. Our hearts are meant to be used to make our lives and the lives of those around us joyful… wonderful.

Of course, there will always be people who hurt us, in big and small ways. That’s just part of the human journey. But then it’s for us to do the work to release that person from their act of hurt, to free ourselves from the entrapment of bitterness, to get right down to our hearts and open them up again to life.

That’s the real work for us humans – to forgive, to transform the pain, to change our hearts, to let love flow. Everyday of the year!

Misha Henckel leads workshops and advises business leaders and world changers. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email mis.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

September 15, 2010 | 6:49 am

Taking Forgiveness Deeper

Posted by Misha Henckel

Forgiveness is something we need to be practicing all year round. Without it, how could our relationships possibly survive? Truth is they don’t. So many of our relationships are barely alive, the light in them snuffed out by the toxic baggage of suppressed resentment, anger, or even rage. We may be walking through our days and our relationships just going through the motions, having long given up on the other person, having long given up on ourselves. They have hurt us, we believe, not necessarily in big ways, but unrelentingly in small ways. They do not see us for who we really are. They do not hear us anymore. They believe they know us, but they don’t. And that’s the pain – it’s what the numbness inside now hides.

Deeper forgiveness, the forgiveness for the little things, this can breathe life back into relationships. When we forgive the other, we are able to see them with new eyes and hear them with fresh ears. And love can flow again - Love, the healer of all things, the bringer of new possibilities.

This season of repentance (and throughout the year) Dear G-d, let me give of forgiveness to all, that I may be able to look at those in my life anew, that I may once again share love with those that I love.  Amen.

Misha Henckel leads workshops and advises business leaders and world changers. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

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September 4, 2010 | 6:14 pm

A Time to Forgive

Posted by Misha Henckel

This is the time for repentance, return, transformation – and the key to it all is forgiveness: Asking for forgiveness, and forgiving.

We ask forgiveness of G-d and of others, and we can forgive others.

To engage in any degree of forgiveness takes real work, digging deep, being willing to be open, and opening for transformation - the stuff of real growth. At this time of year, this “real work” awaits us with a greater degree of urgency and we become more aware that we must forgive. What we may not know, what we may overlook, is that not only must we forgive others but we must forgive ourselves.

The transformation, the healing, the wholeness that forgiveness brings is not complete unless we are willing to release the anger, judgement, guilt, or shame that we hold against ourselves. Forgiveness finds its fullness when we ask for and find the capacity to grant ourselves forgiveness.

I have found that if I am struggling to forgive someone, what works is to first forgive myself for whatever went wrong. It doesn’t matter that you may perceive the other person to be the wrongdoer. Forgiving yourself allows a deeper inner openness, a release, that allows you to let go and more easily forgive the other. It also allows the forgiveness to be true and complete.

How many times have you “forgiven” someone only to find that the hurt is still there, that you still hold a grudge, that you are still angry and not free of the past? Forgiving yourself can help complete the forgiveness process and allow you to truly break free of the past and open to new beginnings. Forgiving yourself may be the key to healing a long broken relationship, or to transforming hurt and pain and becoming available to more wholeness.

At this season of deep inner work may we find the willingness not only to forgive all who’ve hurt us, but to forgive ourselves, that we may move forward with greater freedom and wholeness.

Misha Henckel leads workshops and advises business leaders and world changers. Follow her on Twitter @mishahenckel. Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

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