Posted by Misha Henckel
We all have them or have had them. They’re the ones that drive you crazy, that trigger you no matter how much you have resolved to stay calm and in control. And when you have decided quite emphatically that you are done, they’re the ones that keep pulling you back, sucking you into the same circular drama that never seems to end.
So why, and what is to be done about them, these impossible relationships?
Having had my fair share, I am firmly of the belief that an impossible relationship is not the kind you should run from. Chances are you will repeat the drama with someone else. No, these kinds of relationships have a very important hidden message, one that is the key to us making progress, moving forward, getting to the next level of our life. They show up, not because life is out to get us – the contrary. They are there for us to become the person we are meant to be, or at least a better, more whole version of ourselves.
Impossible relationships hold a piece of the puzzle of our inner selves, and when they show up the best response is to open up to change and new possibilities. Welcome the growth and then get on with the inner exploration needed to find your balance. If you take the position that the relationship is there to challenge you to become more whole, you will have the perspective you need to see behind the surface and understand that it’s not about what the other person did or didn’t do. It’s more likely all about you growing up, you honoring yourself, you valuing yourself, you doing what you need to do for you.
The secret to cracking the code of impossible relationships is to treat yourself the way you want the other person to treat you. Then and only then will you be able to successfully move on, or finally create a more healthy version of things.
2.13.12 at 12:37 pm | She made our souls dance
1.31.12 at 12:28 am | With excellent and unpredictable choices...
1.22.12 at 5:27 pm | She's teaching us how to fight every single day
1.16.12 at 2:02 pm | No real surprises
11.24.11 at 2:13 pm | This is still the most amazing country in the. . .
11.10.11 at 11:46 am | Sometimes it's not what you do, but what you fail. . .
3.27.11 at 11:45 pm | She was a great role model for us all (8)
7.23.11 at 8:33 pm | " I love you mum." (8)
10.4.11 at 1:16 pm | Losing meant life in prison for a crime she did. . . (6)
May 17, 2010 | 3:57 pm
Posted by Misha Henckel
Interesting times, these. I’m finding that we are, most of us, in some state of transition. And we are having to get very comfortable with not knowing. It’s not easy having to deal with so much uncertainty. But we must adapt.
For centuries, we have been programmed to take control of our lives by planning, working hard, and doing everything we can to safeguard ourselves from future challenges. Of course, life never works out the way we plan it. And while dedication and focus are key components to success, truly skillful living has always required a goodly amount of capacity for SURRENDER. And by that I mean, the ability to LET GO of control and allow the best outcome to emerge. In today’s world this is not something we can avoid practicing. In fact, for our lives to work these days, we need to quickly master this. And that means learning how to be PRESENT, accepting what IS, and trusting that we are safe and secure and that life will work out, even when we don’t know how.
While on the one hand we need to LET GO, on the other, we need to HOLD ON. We need to hold on to what is highest and truest within us: to a deep belief in ourselves and our capacity to transcend any challenge, to our talents and gifts and our inherent value, to the practice of kindness, understanding and love, to the discovery and fulfillment of our higher purpose, and to the awareness of the spark of light in ourselves and in everyone we meet.
That’s a lot to hold on to ...
The world around us continues to morph, but perhaps we can let go of trying to control it, and instead focus on the things we can control - becoming and being the kind of person that we truly want to be.
Email me with your questions firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll be happy to respond. Answers will be anonymously posted to the blog.