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February 6, 2011

Younger Men, Dating in LA, Super Bowl XLV, Christina Aguilera, Black Eyed Peas & James Starks

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A good reason to blow off a date?

In an attempt to think outside the box and not get caught up in my ridiculous restrictions about dating, I decided to go out with a younger man, a much younger man.  He is a whopping 12 years my junior.  When I got married, he could not even drive yet.  That’s a lot of time.  He is 7 years younger than my baby brother, which is just wrong.

He wrote me on match.com and he was charming and very handsome.  He was very flattering and for a moment my ego took over and I forgot about how young he was, and focused on how young he made me feel.  We chatted for a couple of weeks on the phone and he texted me everyday to say hello and see how I was.  I finally agreed to a date.

We met for a drink and it was great.  He was funny and attentive.  He was complimentary and remembered all the things we had talked about on the phone.  He was incredibly handsome and I found myself giggling and playing with my hair while we chatted.  We spent a couple of hours together, talking and laughing on a great date.

At the end of the evening we kissed and let me just say, it was the kind of kiss that makes me want to suggest to every woman over the age of forty, once in your life, smooch a younger man.  It is exciting, empowering, inspiring and so wrong that it feels incredibly right.  I found myself thinking about Demi Moore and believing she was a smart girl.

After chatting for a long time, texting everyday, a great date, and an even better kiss, I did not hear from him for 4 days.  4 days.  He finally got in touch, by text, and sent the brilliant message, “hey”.  That was enough to snap me out of my ego driven craziness.  I was talking myself into him, he blew me off and I am surprised to report it made me sad.

I don’t think he did not call because he was young, and I am completely okay with him not calling because he was just not that into me.  I’m not sad he did not call, but rather because I convinced myself he was going to call and when he didn’t it was disappointing.  If he had called, then it would have made my slip of judgment okay because he was a mensch.

In the end it does not matter that he did not call, so rather than trying to figure out why, I will simply assume he is a douche lord with no manners, and move on.  As I was repairing my ego, I went to get a massage and grabbed dinner with my friend Anjelica.  Anjelica and I have been friends for twenty years and she is always able to repair my ego much faster than I am.

So we’re at dinner and chatting about the young douche lord.  She tells me I need to not get sidetracked, go back online and meet someone else.  I tell her there is a guy I think is really funny and quite attractive.  I log onto match.com with my iPhone and show her the man’s profile.  He is 53, Jewish, divorced, funny, and looks like the type of man I dig.

She tells me I should write him.  I tell her it would never work because he is too far, living down in one of the southern beach cities like Hermosa/Redondo/Manhattan or somewhere in that area.  She tells me I need to get over myself, it’s not that far, and I should just email him and let him know I liked his profile and thought he was interesting.

Right there, at dinner, I sent him a message.  It only took him about 5 minutes to respond.  He let me know he thought I really cute, but his last girlfriend lived in the valley and the 405 freeway was a bitch, and he could never date anyone in the valley again.  Really?  I got blown off because of a freeway?  Only in LA would traffic be a reason to not date.

It was an interesting weekend.  I was reminded that I am in fact getting old, and that the valley, for a large part of the population of Los Angeles, is geographically undesirable. Whatever. It was a blessing these unfortunate things happened on Super Bowl weekend.  Nothing can make a girl feel better like watching gorgeous men running around in tight pants.

I had a lot of work to catch up on, so I settled in on the couch with my laptop, a glass of wine, a bag of pretzels and the cats.  We turned on the game and all was well in the world.  A couple of things to note: Christina Aguilera went in front of a billion people and forgot the words to the national anthem.  Really? It was embarrassing.

When she realized she forgot the words, she tried to weave sentences together and then was off a few beats so she sang super long notes and it sounded like a really bad American Idol audition.  Poor thing.  She should have asked her genie in a bottle to teach her the words to the Star Spangled Banner, and perhaps for a more flattering outfit.

Speaking of horrible performances and really bad clothes, let’s chat about the Black Eyed Peas for a second.  Really?  I feel like the Peas have been performing at the opening of envelopes and their show was the same thing we’ve seen them do forever.  It was not exciting, or interesting, or entertaining.  Just when I thought they hit rock bottom, there was Slash.

Who the hell cares?  It was horrible.  When Usher came out I started praying that he would sing for 2 seconds and then announce Justin Bieber, but no.  It was just him and the Peas.  I guess they can be proud of themselves for putting on the most horrible halftime show in the history of the Super Bowl.  That is something to be proud of I guess.

Super Bowl XVL started out one sided but ended up being a very exciting game.  I was pulling for the Packers to win as they were the favorite team of my dad and I know he would have been cheering them on.  It was a great game and during the early moments I found another reason to love football.  I got a good look at the divine tuchas of Mr. James Starks.

Mr. Starks is 6’2”, 211 pounds and will turn 25 on February 25th.  I had never heard of him until the big game when he carried the ball 11 times for a total of 52 yards.  During the fabulous 52 yards of Mr. Starks, the cameramen at FOX Sports were generous in proving us several shots of this man’s backside.  Dear Lord, let me just say, it is the cutest bum ever.

You could pop a quarter off of it.  This is a talented young man with a great career in front of him, and perfection behind him.  I managed to get my work done, enjoy the game, and thanks to Tivo, spend some quality time admiring Mr. Starks assets.  Congratulations to the Green Bay Packers on their win.  It was great game, for a lot of reasons.

If the young man I went on a date with is reading, get some manners.  To the gentleman that lives at the beach, whatever, the valley rocks.  To Christina and the Peas, wow, epic fail.  To Mr. Starks, thank you for a great game and a great view.  Have a great week everyone.  Drive safe, be kind to strangers, love your kids, feel gratitude, and remember to keep the faith.

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